Kate in Waiting Becky Albertalli (best way to read books TXT) 📖

painting. How wistful Andy looked when Matt and I were singing, even though he’s the one who practically begged me to sing in the first place. The way he bragged about me to the set crew girls anyway. And how Matt and I had that eye-lock moment. Anderson sort of folded into himself after that. I’ve never seen him look so heartbroken and depleted.

And I’m the one doing that. I’m breaking his heart.

I mean, I’m following the ground rules. I am. And if it turns out that Matt likes me, I’m sure Andy will follow them, too. He’ll be happy for me. At least he’ll act like he is. But then what? What happens when it starts to hurt too badly? He’ll stop texting me? Or he’ll text me, but it’ll be formal and obligatory. He’ll stop spending the night and inviting me over. We’ll lose our language. Our inside jokes will just vanish.

And what about me? The ground rules say I have to be honest. But I know I won’t be. It’s not that I’ll want to lie. But I’d never gush to Anderson about what kissing Matt feels like. I couldn’t. Not when I know how deeply that would cut. But the thing is, the minute we start holding stuff back, we’re done for. The Andy-and-Kate who share everything are done for.

It can’t happen. I can’t let it happen. But how on earth do I stop it?

I could step away. Dial back the chemistry. Snuff out my feelings, or at least try to contain them. But say Matt asked me out tomorrow. Could I say no? I don’t think I have that kind of willpower. I don’t think anyone does.

If I could stop this crush, I would. I’d slam that brake so hard, with the full force of my brain. It’s just that I know it won’t work. I don’t think my brain’s in the driver’s seat.

Scene 51

Wednesday’s the second Harry/Larken intensive rehearsal, and I think Ms. Zhao might be trolling me. “Okeydokey,” she says, after we run through both songs a few times. “Let’s get this kiss fine-tuned. It’s still looking a little bit stagey. And do let me know if this feels too weird for you. If you’d like, we can rework the blocking so there’s no actual kiss.”

“You don’t have to—” Matt starts to say, but then he cuts himself off. “I mean, whatever Kate thinks.”

“It’s fine,” I say quickly. My heart’s beating so loudly, I swear the whole room probably hears it.

“Fine like let’s keep the kiss, or fine like let’s rework it?” Ms. Zhao asks.

“We can keep it. Unless Matt—”

“Let’s keep it,” Matt says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

So I spend the next twenty minutes kissing Matt. Which is easily my new favorite pastime. That is, as long as I don’t think about Anderson.

I’m not a monster, right? I’m an actress. I’m just doing what the script says. This is me being professional. Blissfully, euphorically professional.

Anyway, it’s not continuous kissing. It’s all very dry and quick and stylized, with Ms. Zhao pausing periodically to have us move our hands or tilt our heads differently. “Try not to hunch your shoulders up, Kate. We want this to look really natural, like you’ve been meeting in secret for a while now. Yes! There you go. Much better. Hands just a touch lower on her waist, Matt. Good, hold that pose for a second—let me just make a few notes.”

“Okay, question,” Matt whispers. “How are you getting home after this?”

“Oh! I guess—”

“Because Andy was going to help me find those Oxford character shoes. But we can drop you home first, or leave from here, or—”

“Wait, Andy’s still at school?”

Matt looks like he’s biting back a laugh.

I narrow my eyes at him, smiling. “What am I missing?”

“Ooh, I love that glance you guys just did,” Ms. Zhao says. “That felt very real.”

“Well,” Matt says, “don’t look now, but I think there’s someone in the lighting booth.”

I whip my head toward the back of the auditorium, and sure enough, there’s Andy, waving through the glass partition. He smiles widely, and shoots us a double thumbs-up.

“Oops!” says Zhao. “Stick with me, you two. Okay, Kate, you’re facing him. Let’s get that head tilt again.”

I turn back to Matt, flabbergasted. “How long has he been here?”

He grins. “Literally this whole time.”

All the air rushes out of my lungs. “What?”

“And . . . great,” Ms. Zhao says, clapping her hands a few times. “You guys are great. The chemistry is A-plus. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

But her words barely land. I hardly even feel Matt’s high five. My eyes home straight in on Andy, who’s now making his way through the auditorium aisles, toward the stage. I don’t think he’s upset. I mean, the house lights are pretty dim, so maybe I’m missing some facial nuance. But he really just seems normal. Even after all those head tilts and glances and Matt’s hands on my waist. All that kissing.

It just doesn’t compute. Andy wasn’t even on the call list. Why on earth is he here? And why on earth didn’t he tell me?

Matt and I step down from the stage, joining Anderson in front of the orchestra pit. He hugs me as soon as he sees me.

“You watched our rehearsal?” I blurt.

“Well I was trying to work on my chem homework. But y’all were more interesting.”

“I mean.” Matt’s eyes twinkle. “If you’re looking for chemistry, I’m pretty sure Kate and I delivered.”

“Right. A-plus chemistry. Teacher-approved,” Andy says, with this goofy little eye roll.

And okay, that just bugs me. Like, Matt and I can’t even have one fairy-tale moment without Andy jumping in to trivialize it.

But even as I think that, I know it’s desperately unfair. If I’d had to watch Andy and Matt kiss for twenty minutes, I’d definitely be scrambling to rewrite that scene in my head.

So, that’s me: Lady Kate, Queen of Hypocrites. Shittiest friend in all the land.

Scene 52

Ms. Zhao dismisses us early—funny how it’s