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group, who accommodated their differences in their social interaction, and by parents and teachers, who gave extra help and disciplined as and when required.

Diagnosing children as having special needs is now so prolific that every class or random group of children contains some special needs children; many school classes now have upwards of 20 per cent. Special needs falls largely into two categories: those that affect learning and those that affect behaviour. I shall be concentrating here on the conditions that affect behaviour, although the two categories often overlap, so that a child with ADHD, for instance, may also be dyslexic. Having a special needs diagnosis can be useful, in that it opens doors to funding for extra help, both in and outside school, as well as reassuring parents who may have been struggling for years to manage their child’s unusual/challenging behaviour. However, with the diagnosis comes a label, and that label can have a negative effect by tolerating and excusing what would otherwise be unacceptable behaviour in the child, as well as placing a ‘glass ceiling’ on the child’s ability and potential to learn. Parents, carers, teachers and other professionals often refer to a child’s ‘condition’ early on in describing the child, as though it is the single overriding factor, responsible for all the child’s negative behaviour, as if it is a fait accompli.

Many of the children I have fostered have been diagnosed with a special need that manifests itself in behaviour – ADHD, autistic spectrum, attachment disorders, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, etc. – and have arrived with behaviour that was completely out of control. Without exception, the behaviour of all of these children improved dramatically, sometimes miraculously, as a result of managing their behaviour, using the techniques described in this book. I am not saying that all the children were diagnosed incorrectly or that the condition disappeared, but that it is important to deal with the behaviour rather than bowing to the diagnosis. Regardless of which special need(s) the child has, if challenging behaviour is one of the symptoms, it can be vastly improved, even completely changed, by enforcing clear and consistent boundaries and using the 3Rs.

Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

A staggering 8–10 per cent of children are now thought to be suffering from ADHD. Symptoms include:

*  poor concentration, easily distracted

*  difficulty keeping still or quiet, excessive talking

*  disorganised, forgetful

*  always ‘on the go’

*  interrupting and shouting

*  acting impulsively

*  not following instructions

*  easily over-stimulated

Millions of children (and adults) worldwide take medication to counter the effects of ADHD, with the most commonly prescribed drug being Ritalin. But while medication has been hailed as a saviour by many, a sizeable proportion of those taking it have found that the side effects outweigh the benefit, or that the drug actually worsens rather than improving their condition. Furthermore, data recently released based on lengthy trials concluded that medicating children did not help them long-term but merely masked their problems, and that behavioural management was the way forward.

I have never asked for any child I have fostered with ADHD symptoms or diagnosis to be medicated; nor would I do so. The children who have come to me already medicated, I have, with the permission of the psychologist and social worker, weaned off the drug. Instead, I focus on clear, consistent and firm boundaries, avoid over-stimulation – for example, excessive use of computer games – and pay particular attention to diet.

One nine-year-old boy I fostered for two-week periods every couple of months, to give his parents a break, had been diagnosed with ADHD (among other things). He had been medicated in the past but couldn’t tolerate the medicine, so was no longer taking it. He used to arrive on my doorstep at the start of his stay like a free radical, charging around and yelling continuously at the top of his voice, completely out of control. By the time he left two weeks later he was a different child, talking normally, listening to what others said and able to sit still and concentrate in order to complete a task. However, within forty-eight hours of his returning home he was back to his old uncontrollable self.

This went on for the best part of six months, with his mother joking that it must be witchcraft. But it was no witchcraft. During the weeks he was with me I changed his diet, replacing the processed foods and fizzy drinks he had at home with fresh and mainly additive-free food, and put in place clear and consistent boundaries for good behaviour, which I reinforced using the 3Rs. Eventually the parents were so impressed that rather than burning me at the stake, they agreed to try my formula. It was so successful that they never asked for respite again and enjoyed being with their son.

How many other children with ADHD would benefit from making these changes? We won’t know unless we try. Very gradually the pendulum is swinging towards change in diet, routine and managing behaviour, rather than continuously medicating children.

Autistic spectrum disorders and Asperger’s syndrome

These conditions largely manifest themselves with the child having difficulties in social interaction and communication. The child is unable to read or interpret signals from others (e.g. facial expressions), which makes it very difficult for the child to fit in socially. Asperger’s differs from autism in that the child usually has average or above-average intelligence, with fewer problems in speaking or learning. In respect of behaviour, a child with autism or Asperger’s can often become frustrated and angry by his or her inability to understand the social norm, and may appear wilfully challenging when he or she misinterprets signals and instructions and therefore does not do as asked or behaves inappropriately.

All the techniques in this book for putting in place the boundaries for acceptable behaviour apply to children with autism or Asperger’s; however, the one overriding rule is simplicity. Because the autistic or Asperger’s child has difficulty reading and processing social cues, and therefore understanding what exactly you are saying or