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behaviour into his or her teenage years will be far more difficult to turn around.

Recognised treatment for ODD or conduct disorder is based on the premise that a metabolic dysfunction has combined with environmental factors (e.g. poor discipline) to produce the condition. There is no tablet remedy, and treatment focuses on changing the unacceptable behaviour through clear, firm, consistent guidelines, with a system of rewards and sanctions. As the child gradually develops internal self-regulation, his or her challenges to authority will lessen.

If a child has been diagnosed with a behavioural condition, or you think your child has one from the behaviour he or she exhibits, use the techniques in this book to put in place boundaries, and re-read the chapter on turning around a difficult child. If a psychologist is involved, you will be working together, and you and your child may be offered counselling, which can be a useful source of comfort and support as you journey through this very difficult time. As with ADHD, pay particular attention to your child’s diet, exchanging processed food for fresh, removing as many additives as you can, and if necessary adding an omega-3 supplement. And take care of yourself. It is exhausting and upsetting caring for a child who is continually challenging you. Recognise that and take time out.

Bipolar disorder

Sometimes called manic depression, bipolar disorder is characterised by extreme mood swings, where the sufferer can go from being incredibly elated and excited to severely depressed. Bipolar sufferers often become very frustrated and angry, and can direct their anger at their loved ones. It is thought that between 1–2 per cent of the population could have bipolar disorder, and usually the symptoms first appear in the teenage years. Recent research has linked bipolar disorder with ADHD. If you suspect your child has it, then seek medical help.

As with any condition that manifests itself through behaviour, there is plenty you can do to manage the young person’s anger. Anger and stress are often linked in bipolar disorder, and teaching the young person relaxation techniques, as well as giving them support and the security that comes from a clear routine and boundaries, can help them immensely.

Attachment disorder

This is a condition found in children who did not successfully bond with their parent or care giver in the very important early years, usually as a result of severe neglect. There is a prevalence of attachment disorders in adopted and fostered children, and this condition has come to the public’s attention as a result of the adoptions from Eastern European orphanages. Despite all the care, love and attention of the adoptive parents, some of these children have failed to bond, and have developed very negative and challenging behaviour. The disorder occurs as a result of the child having learnt early that the world is unsafe, adults cannot be trusted and that he or she must take care of his own needs in order to survive. Unsurprisingly anger results and the child has an overriding need to be in control to stay safe.

The severity of such a disorder varies. An attachment disorder shows on a brain scan as dark areas of inactivity in the brain where the child has literally missed out. Symptoms include:

*  obsessively controlling, bossy, argumentative, defiant, angry

*  resists affection from parents but can be over-familiar with strangers

*  manipulative, lies, steals, destroys property, impulsive

*  hyperactive and on a continual state of high alert

*  speech and language problems

*  a fascination for the macabre or dangerous.

A child with a diagnosed attachment disorder will almost certainly receive therapy. The parents or carers work with the therapist to undo the harm of the early years and to help the child to bond, as well as managing and correcting the child’s unacceptable behaviour. Strategies in this book will help enormously to modify behaviour, together with the advice and guidance of the therapist.

CHAPTER NINE

Metamorphosis

Pre-teen and Early Teen: 11–15

Puberty is the start of adolescence and begins earlier now than it did in previous generations. The average age for girls is twelve, and for boys, thirteen. But this is only an average and 5 per cent of girls will have started their periods by the time they leave primary school. In many countries children transfer up to secondary school at the same time as they are having to deal with the onset of puberty – a double measure of change and uncertainty, which is often reflected in children’s behaviour.

Your child’s physical and emotional characteristics will change dramatically between the ages of twelve and fifteen, as his or her body is subjected to a massive rush of hormones, affecting appearance and mood. In addition, scientists now know from brain scans that the brain ‘rewires’ in adolescence, changing and developing as much during the early teens as it did when the child was a toddler. Never again will there be so many alterations and transformations going on in the mind of your son or daughter. Little wonder that a stranger can suddenly appear in your house, having more in common with an alien from Mars than the child you once knew.

If it is confusing for you to meet this new and not always convivial young person, it is even more confusing for the child. Your son or daughter will be having to come to terms with not only all the astonishing changes in his or her body but also complex changes in thoughts and feelings (and therefore character), which not even he or she will understand. To make matters worse, children have growth spurts during this time (unprecedented since babyhood), which the brain takes a while to recognise and accommodate. This is why young teens can often become very clumsy – they literally don’t know where their bodies end, so will reach for a glass based on where they thought their arm ended, only to find they have already reached it and knocked it over.

As they adapt and rediscover themselves, pre-teen and early teen children are continuously experimenting with new approaches and ideas, a