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the full truth, that I havenā€™t had sex with anyone, other than Savage, over the past six months, Iā€™m certain Iā€™d die of humiliation.

I clear my throat. ā€œIā€™m all clear for the past month, too. Iā€™ve been really busy myself.ā€

Savageā€™s face is lit up like the Fourth of July. ā€œYouā€™ve been busy doing what?ā€ he asks. Surely, he knows I havenā€™t been hard at work on my next album. Not this soon, when my current album is still spitting out singles. Luckily, though, Iā€™ve got a fairly credible answer at the ready. One rooted in truth, even if itā€™s not entirely true.

ā€œIā€™ve been working a ton on a couple of side projects,ā€ I reply. ā€œA collaboration with 22 Goats and a duet with Alessandra Tennisonā€”the one from the video shoot? Her single is doing so well, she got a full-album deal.ā€

ā€œGood for her,ā€ Savage says, apparently believing my every word.

I sigh with relief. The projects Iā€™ve mentioned are real. But while Iā€™ve laid down vocals for both tracks this past month, the time commitment for both projects combined amounted to only two sessions in the vocal booth. Hardly enough time to claim Iā€™ve been ā€œworking a tonā€ this past month. In reality, Iā€™ve been decompressing from the tour. Hanging out with my family, binge-watching shows, working out, and making weird butter dishes, bowls, and vases on my pottery wheel for friends and family whoā€™ll never use them. But thereā€™s no way Iā€™m letting Savage know Iā€™ve been a lazy bum this past month, with ample time, but zero interest, in dating.

ā€œSo, have we heard all your terms, Nadine?ā€ Daria asks.

ā€œYes,ā€ Nadine confirms. ā€œAre Savage and Laila prepared to agree to all of them?ā€

Looks are exchanged on our end of the call. Nonverbal confirmations given.

Daria announces, ā€œYes. Savage and Laila agree to everything.ā€

A cheer erupts on Nadineā€™s end of the call.

ā€œWonderful!ā€ Nadine says. ā€œWeā€™ll email the contracts to you within the hour andā€”"

ā€œWhoa,ā€ Daria interjects, holding up her palm, despite Nadine not being here to witness the hand gesture. ā€œLetā€™s not get ahead of ourselves. We still need to deal with the small matter of Lailaā€™s salary beforeā€”ā€

ā€œLailaā€™s salary?ā€ Nadine booms, sounding genuinely flabbergasted.

Daria furrows her brow. ā€œOf course. Now that Savage and Laila have agreed to your terms, the next item on the agenda is negotiatingā€”"

ā€œFucking hell, it is!ā€ Nadine shouts, going from zero to sixty in a heartbeat. ā€œThis whole conversation, weā€™ve been assuming Savage and Laila had already worked out Lailaā€™s additional compensation on their end!ā€

ā€œWhat?ā€ Eli shouts. ā€œOf course, not!ā€

Nadine counters, ā€œOf course! We assumed you called us to offer two judges for the price of one!ā€

Well, thatā€™s it. Eli loses his mind, going off on a diatribe that makes Daria sit back in her chair, calmly steeple her fingers, and smile. And thatā€™s how I know this isnā€™t a glitch. This isnā€™t a sign that everything is falling apart. That, in fact, as far as my brilliant and conniving agent is concerned, everything is going exactly according to plan.

Savage leans into me. ā€œSorry it didnā€™t work out for you, Fitzy. Honestly, I was pulling for you.ā€

ā€œThanks for trying,ā€ I say. And itā€™s all I can do not to smile wickedly as I say it. I donā€™t know what Daria is up to, exactly. But whatever it is, Iā€™m here for it.

After much shouting on the phone call, Nadine says to Eli, ā€œI told you, quite clearly this morning, we donā€™t have another cent in the budget to add to Lailaā€™s salary. We offered her a deal where sheā€™d be Savageā€™s mentor for three episodes, and thatā€™s all the money weā€™ve got at our disposal. Any compensation Laila requires in order to be promoted to a full-fledged judge this seasonā€”which, by the way, would give her the kind of publicity money simply canā€™t buyā€”would need to come out of Savageā€™s pocket, not ours.ā€

Well, that gets Savageā€™s attention. He jolts to standing and barks, ā€œThereā€™s no way Iā€™m paying Laila a dime of my salary. I was willing to support her crazy idea, as a favor to her, as long as it didnā€™t affect me, butā€”"

I jump up, matching Savageā€™s angry body language. ā€œAs a favor to me, my ass. You did it to save yourself! If anyone is doing a favor here, itā€™s me doing one for you!ā€

ā€œBullshit,ā€ he grits out. ā€œYou know youā€™ve got me between a rock and a hard place, and youā€™re shamelessly exploiting me.ā€

ā€œExploiting you?ā€ I retort. ā€œYouā€™re the one who breached his morality clause, not me. Youā€™re the one who needs a fake girlfriend to ā€˜redeemā€™ your stupid fuckboy ass this season. Youā€™d already be fired right now, if it werenā€™t for me and the worldā€™s bizarre obsession with us being a couple.ā€

Savage scoffs. ā€œGee, Laila. I wonder how the world got obsessed with that idea? Could it be you purposely fanned the flames of that rumor on Sylvia, for your own benefit?ā€

ā€œI did not!ā€ I shout. ā€œI tried to put the fire out on Sylvia! I literally denied weā€™re a couple!ā€

His tone dripping with sarcasm, Savage says, ā€œYeah, and you did it sooo convincingly.ā€ He rolls his eyes. ā€œNinety percent of all human communication is nonverbal, Laila. And guess what your nonverbal communication screamed on Sylvia? ā€˜Hell, yes, weā€™re totally fucking!ā€™ā€

I gasp like this is news to me, even though countless friends texted me after that interview to razz me about that very thing. But good friends can tease me about thatā€”not assholes I hate! Assholes who texted me their room number, begging me to show up so they could finally taste me, so they could ā€œeat me from every angle,ā€ and then, minutes later, brought yet another groupie to their room.

ā€œPeople were already obsessed with us being a couple before my interview,ā€ I insist. ā€œThatā€™s why Sylvia brought up your name. And you should be grateful she did, because that interview going viral is what convinced Nadine to hire you as Hughā€™s replacement in the first place. Right, Nadine?ā€

ā€œNo comment.ā€

ā€œSo

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