Piccadilly Jim P. G. Wodehouse (great book club books .TXT) 📖

“There is another possibility,” said Mrs. Pett. “My nephew, Mr. William Partridge, had invented a wonderful explosive, and it is quite likely that these men are here to try to steal it.”

“Sure. Men’ll do anything. If y’ put all the men in th’ world in th’ cooler, wouldn’t be ’ny more crime.”

She glowered at the dog Aida, who had risen from the basket and removing the last remains of sleep from her system by a series of calisthenics of her own invention, as if she suspected her of masculinity. Mrs. Pett could not help wondering what tragedy in the dim past had caused this hatred of males on the part of her visitor. Miss Trimble had not the appearance of one who would lightly be deceived by Man; still less the appearance of one whom Man, unless shortsighted and extraordinarily susceptible, would go out of his way to deceive. She was still turning this mystery over in her mind, when her visitor spoke.

“Well, gimme th’ rest of th’ dope,” said Miss Trimble.

“I beg your pardon?”

“More facts. Spill ’m!”

“Oh, I understand,” said Mrs. Pett hastily, and embarked on a brief narrative of the suspicious circumstances which had caused her to desire skilled assistance.

“Lor’ W’sbeach?” said Miss Trimble, breaking the story. “Who’s he?”

“A very great friend of ours.”

“You vouch f’r him pers’n’lly? He’s all right, uh? Not a crook, huh?”

“Of course he is not!” said Mrs. Pett indignantly. “He’s a great friend of mine.”

“ ’ll right. Well, I guess thass ’bout all, huh? I’ll be going downstairs ’an starting in.”

“You can come here immediately?”

“Sure. Got parlourmaid rig round at m’ boardinghouse round corner. Come back with it ’n ten minutes. Same dress I used when I w’s working on th’ Marling D’vorce case. D’jer know th’ Marlings? Idle rich! Bound t’ get ’nto trouble. I fixed ’m. Well, g’bye. Mus’ be going. No time t’ waste.”

Mrs. Pett leaned back faintly in her chair. She felt overcome.

Downstairs, on her way out, Miss Trimble had paused in the hall to inspect a fine statue which stood at the foot of the stairs. It was a noble work of art, but it seemed to displease her. She snorted.

“Idle rich!” she muttered scornfully. “Brrh!”

The portly form of Mr. Crocker loomed up from the direction of the back stairs. She fixed her left eye on him piercingly. Mr. Crocker met it, and quailed. He had that consciousness of guilt which philosophers tell is the worst drawback to crime. Why this woman’s gaze should disturb him so thoroughly, he could not have said. She was a perfect stranger to him. She could know nothing about him. Yet he quailed.

“Say,” said Miss Trimble. “I’m c’ming here ’s parlourmaid.”

“Oh, ah?” said Mr. Crocker, feebly.

“Grrrh!” observed Miss Trimble, and departed.

The library, whither Jimmy had made his way after leaving Mrs. Pett, was a large room on the ground floor, looking out on the street which ran parallel to the south side of the house. It had French windows, opening onto a strip of lawn which ended in a high stone wall with a small gate in it, the general effect of these things being to create a resemblance to a country house rather than to one in the centre of the city. Mr. Pett’s town residence was full of these surprises.

In one corner of the room a massive safe had been let into the wall, striking a note of incongruity, for the remainder of the wall-space was completely covered with volumes of all sorts and sizes, which filled the shelves and overflowed into a small gallery, reached by a short flight of stairs and running along the north side of the room over the door.

Jimmy cast a glance at the safe, behind the steel doors of which he presumed the test-tube of Partridgite which Willie had carried from the luncheon-table lay hid: then transferred his attention to the shelves. A cursory inspection of these revealed nothing which gave promise of whiling away entertainingly the moments which must elapse before the return of Ann. Jimmy’s tastes in literature lay in the direction of the lighter kind of modern fiction, and Mr. Pett did not appear to possess a single volume that had been written later than the eighteenth century⁠—and mostly poetry at that. He turned to the writing-desk near the window, on which he had caught sight of a standing shelf full of books of a more modern aspect. He picked one up at random and opened it.

He threw it down disgustedly. It was poetry. This man Pett appeared to have a perfect obsession for poetry. One would never have suspected it, to look at him. Jimmy had just resigned himself, after another glance at the shelf, to a bookless vigil, when his eye was caught by a name on the cover of the last in the row so unexpected that he had to look again to verify the discovery.

He had been perfectly right. There it was, in gold letters.

The Lonely Heart

by
Ann Chester

He extracted the volume from the shelf in a sort of stupor. Even now he was inclined to give his goddess of the red hair the benefit of the doubt, and assume that someone else of the same name had written it. For it was a defect in Jimmy’s character⁠—one of his many defects⁠—that he loathed and scorned minor poetry and considered minor poets, especially when feminine, an unnecessary affliction. He declined to believe that Ann, his Ann, a girl full of the finest traits of character, the girl who had been capable of encouraging a comparative stranger to break the law by impersonating her cousin Jimmy Crocker, could also be capable of writing “The Lonely Heart” and other poems. He skimmed through the first one he came across, and shuddered. It was pure slush. It was the sort of stuff they filled up pages with in the magazines when the detective story did not run long enough. It was the sort of stuff which long-haired blighters read alone to