Songs For Your Mother Gordon MacMillan (good books for 7th graders .txt) 📖

‘Susan is such a blabbermouth,’ I say.

‘She’s thinking about your best interests, and she’s right,’ TSP says.

‘Jane asked me, what could I say?’

‘Let me think about this.’ TSP crosses an arm over her chest and places an index finger to her lips. ‘Oh, wait, I know. You could’ve said no, which is what you should have said.’

‘Why should I have said no?’ I demand indignantly.

‘You’re still getting used to having Luke, and Jane has her own child. I’m thinking about you and Luke. I always am.’

‘I know you are, and thank you,’ I say, taking a breath and adding. ‘What about the sisterhood and single-mum solidarity? Isn’t Jane allowed to go on dates?’

‘This isn’t about feminism or single mums, and you know it. Luke has already been through so much, all of the change and upheaval. Didn’t Susan tell you this?’ TSP asks.

This is precisely what Susan told me. She said under no circumstances should I proceed with my planned date. I, of course, duly listened to this advice and then ignored it. I was going on the date and had no intention of changing my plans. Besides there’s no way I can back out and then have to face Jane at the school gate.

‘You know very well that’s what she said, I thought she would have objected because Jane’s older,’ I say.

‘The age difference doesn’t matter. Seven years is nothing, it’s actually what men should be doing. You all end up dying before us so dating older women makes much more sense for society, but do men ever listen? Of course not. I’m not saying don’t do it. It’s more that I don’t think it’s a good idea. Okay, don’t do it,’ TSP says.

‘I thought you weren’t saying don’t do it?’

‘I was trying to, but I have to be honest. “Don’t do it” is precisely what I’m saying. It will be complicated, and I know you. You’re not good at complicated,’ TSP says.

That is almost certainly true. I’ve never done complicated. Or at least I hadn’t done complicated. Luke’s arrival has changed me, and because of that, I’ve given the issue serious thought. I know TSP thinks I’m a bit useless at times, and mostly she’s right.

That said, I always thought that I had a good heart and my intentions were good. When it came to Jane, I weighed the fact that we have children and that together we have two of them. I also considered if it would be weird, and whether I was ready. It was a leap from the commitment-free non-relationship I had with Rachel, whom I haven’t seen for dust since Luke arrived.

What, for instance, would happen if the relationship progressed? What would it be like to be part of something like that, of a family? I don’t know the answer. I figured, however, that if we went slowly, it would be okay.

Maybe we could go for drinks and do some play dates with the kids and go from there. Would that be so bad? More than anything it strikes me it would be nice to have someone around more, because this is hard. I have TSP and Susan, which is cool, but that isn’t enough. I suppose the truth is, like everyone else, I want something more. Not just something more, but something appropriate for myself and for Luke. Right now, that looks like Jane.

‘She’s really nice,’ I say.

‘I’m sure she is. I don’t know her well,’ TSP says.

The reason that TSP doesn’t know her is that she sits at the top of the school-gate hierarchy. She’s a governor and a school-gate mover and shaker, and makes a point of knowing all the mums, and their names. TSP is in that clique, and by association I sit close to it. Jane doesn’t, and it is that simple. I don’t, however, say this, as I owe TSP and she’s my friend.

‘Well, maybe get to know her,’ is what I say.

‘That’s not the point. You’re new to all this being-a-parent-and-having-a-kid thing. You’re still finding your way, having skipped years of sleepless nights, dirty nappies and potty training. I worry about you having a school-gate affair. I know you, and playing around at the gates is not quite the same as picking someone up and dumping them a few weeks later,’ TSP says.

‘I’ll take it slowly. I’ve thought this through. It’ll be nice to talk to someone else who has a kid,’ I say.

‘Hello, have we met? I’m one of your oldest and closest friends. I have two children, I’m your Gina Ford on speed dial,’ TSP says, laughing.

‘You are amazing, and I am so lucky. Did I mention you are amazing?’

‘I’m not sure, could you mention it again, to be sure?’

‘You are amazing, and have been so good to me. I would be a mess without you. This whole experience has meant so much, it makes me think that…’

Without meaning to, I am straying into territory we rarely visit. I am getting sentimental, which has been a theme of late, and I am about to say something about Will. I am about to say something about how much, if he were around, he would love us all spending time together. I can’t help myself; it has bubbled to the surface. I don’t get the chance to finish as TSP shakes her head and waves me off, which is just as well.

‘Stop, you’ll make me cry,’ TSP says, touching her eyes. ‘It means a lot to me as well, and thank you for saying it.’

‘I promise I’ll be good,’ I say.

‘That’s what you say.’

‘Oh, ye of little faith,’ I say.

‘The very same,’ TSP says, planting her palm to the side of her face and sighing loudly at me.

TSP and I walk upstairs to where the two older children are playing in Georgia’s bedroom. Except that isn’t what they are doing. When we walk in, they are sitting on the floor reading a book. Georgia has it in her lap, and