The Bookshop of Second Chances Jackie Fraser (ebook reader macos .txt) 📖

He looks surprised. ‘I thought it would be good to spend an evening together and get to know you better.’

‘Really?’

‘You sound sceptical,’ he says.

‘I am a bit.’

He frowns at me and looks quite a lot more like his brother than usual. I find this amusing.

‘But why?’

‘I can’t imagine I’m the sort of person you generally go on things that aren’t “not dates” with,’ I say, and begin to slice up my smoked trout.

‘Why would you say that? I don’t ask just anyone out to dinner, you know.’

‘I’m sure you don’t, and this is lovely’ – I wave my knife at the dining room – ‘but it’s still true.’

‘Thea–’

‘I shall be blunt,’ I say. ‘I hope you don’t mind. But the thing is, you see, I can’t imagine that I’m suitable material for the next Lady Hollinshaw. And if you want to start something less serious, then Michelin Stars seem overenthusiastic.’ I grin at him. ‘D’you see?’

‘That’s… I–’

‘So you can see why I might be sceptical. I suspect an ulterior motive.’

He takes a sip of water. ‘An ulterior motive.’

‘Yes. I’m not angry or anything,’ I add, ‘I’m just… I want to be sure you understand that you have to be honest with me. Until January I spent some time – possibly several years – living with someone who was telling an enormous and fundamental lie. I have no interest in repeating that on any level.’

‘Your husband. I didn’t like to ask what happened,’ he says. ‘He… lied to you?’

‘Yes. He had an affair with a friend of mine. For an unspecified length of time. I know you’ve been in a similar situation,’ I say. ‘And it isn’t very nice. And so I wonder, about Miranda, and you, and me, and so on.’

‘I said before, Miranda and I–’

‘Yes, and to be honest I’m not that concerned about Miranda. But what would she think if she knew we were here having dinner?’

There’s quite a long pause, which I use to finish my starter. The wine I ordered is good; it’s probably lucky I’m not drinking loads of it though. I wonder how different I might feel if I cared about any of this. But I don’t, and it’s terribly liberating. I look round the room again. It’s almost entirely dark outside now, and I can see the room behind me reflected in the dark glass of the window. There are a few more people here now; everyone’s dressed up. I wonder how many of these couples are staying here. I’ll look on the website when I get home, see what the rooms are like. I eat the last piece of bread from the shiny dish on the table and smile at my companion.

‘And I suppose I wonder,’ I say, having just thought of it, ‘why you’re not going out with Miranda in a normal sort of way. She seems suitable.’

‘Suitable,’ says Charles. I can’t tell if he’s annoyed with me or just embarrassed.

‘Yes, you know, she’s more like you, isn’t she? More than I am.’

‘It’s because you’re not like Miranda that I wanted to have dinner,’ he says.

‘Oh, is it?’ I was right then, about being a bit of rough. I wonder if there’s a way to express that without actually saying it. ‘Slumming it, are we?’

‘Thea,’ he looks pained, ‘I’m not sure why you think–’

‘Oh, come on. Look – the thing is, Charles, one of the reasons I’m suspicious of your motives is because I’m friends with your brother and I know you hate him.’ He opens his mouth and I hold up my hand. ‘I’m not really interested in the ins and outs or whys and wherefores. I know Edward has behaved badly in the past, but I think you have too. I’d like to think that you and I get on well, and I wouldn’t like to think that you feel’ – here I wait for a moment as the table is cleared by the waiter – ‘that you feel there’d be any… mileage in getting, I don’t know, closer to me in order to annoy him. I’m not saying it would annoy him. But you know, I’m not a bit-part or a pawn or anything like that.’

‘Thea, really, I…’

I smile encouragingly.

‘I would absolutely never do anything like that,’ he says.

‘Jolly good. Glad to hear it.’ I lean both elbows on the table. ‘It would be quite upsetting.’

Our main courses arrive and for a moment we’re distracted. I wonder though – what would Edward do if I slept with Charles?

Obviously I never would.

But if I did?

He’d be angry, I expect, but only because of it being Charles. Having said that though, he was peculiar about Keith.

I think I’m being odd about Edward. Well, I know I am. I’m trying hard not to think about any of that. I still think the way I feel about Edward – and as I say, I’m refusing to consider how I do feel – is somehow unreal, caused by the situation I find myself in, by the spaces in my life and the amount of time we spend together. He makes me laugh, and he’s handsome, and I am an idiot. Even if he’s odd about me too, it’s meaningless and stupid.

But I’m supposed to be listening to Charles.

‘It does… It’s true I find it awkward, that you’re friends with my brother,’ he says. ‘Because it means I have to try not to say what I think about him, and usually I don’t bother guarding my tongue.’

‘You can say what you like.’ I shrug. ‘I mean, I’d take it all with a pinch of salt.’

‘You like him though.’

‘I do like him, yes. I find him entertaining and he’s always been nice to me, or fairly nice.’ I smile at the thought of Edward’s reaction to being described as ‘nice’.

‘It would be impolite of me to be rude to you about him then. And he’s your employer.’

‘Yes, and I’m terribly loyal,’ I say. ‘So come on, Charles, why are we