Trapped (Bullied Book 4) (Bullied Series) Vera Hollins (best large ereader txt) 📖

I recoiled as another nail got hammered into my heart. Of course Blake would never be with me. We would never get together, and it was high time for me to chop off the roots of that sick fantasy. I’d let it grow for too long.

“I wasn’t expecting you to get over everything, but I thought this could be a start. However, now I see it was a mistake to come here.”

How much more humiliated could I feel? I went over to the tissue box and grabbed another one as the first tear escaped down my cheek. “Yes, it was.” I was barely able to keep my voice even. “Now, please leave.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’ll leave you alone. For good.”

I swallowed hard, more tears pouring out. “Sounds great.”

His leaving footsteps were the only thing that could be heard until he stopped. I held my breath as I waited, completely still.

“Just don’t make yourself throw up, okay? Take care of yourself.”

My heart contracted too painfully. I didn’t say a word. Seconds went by in complete silence, as if he was waiting for me to react, but I didn’t turn around. I didn’t even move. After what seemed like an excruciatingly long time, he left, and only then did I allow myself to move. I dropped down on the couch and burst out in more tears.

This was good. He was leaving me alone. Perfect.

Only, I couldn’t feel an ounce of joy.

Blake stayed true to his word. I returned to school on Thursday, and he acted like I didn’t exist each time we were near each other. I was supposed to be relieved and embrace this new chapter in life where I didn’t have to worry about him, but I kept looking for him, partly because of the habit born from a deep-rooted fear and partly because…because I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss or the change in his behavior.

I was the last person who held grudges, always ready to forgive, but when it came to Blake, I wasn’t allowing myself that. Still, these days I had nothing to do but cry and reflect on the harsh words I’d said to him. I cared about his apology. I cared about it a lot, but I was scared he would change his mind and go back to his old ways. Six months of bullying couldn’t be erased that easily with a few soft-spoken words.

Sarah and I texted each other during English, and I mentioned the kiss and his visit on Monday. She was surprised, to say the least.

That explains why I haven’t seen him with any girls this week, she texted me.

My heart palpitated, finding foolish hope in her words.

He likes you. A lot. Maybe one day he’ll even grow to love you.

I held back a snort and glanced at Ms. Dawson. Her eyes were on the students in the first row.

Love me? I don’t think so. He won’t let himself love me, I texted her back.

And if he did, what would you do?

My heart contracted hard with longing. I stared at her message for a minute as contrasting feelings fought for dominance in me. Kiss him and lose myself in his strong arms…

No, no, no, absolutely not.

Nothing.

Why?

I met her brown eyes, which held sympathy for me, and sighed.

Because he’s a mess and I feel he’s going to hurt me. Just like always.

She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and made a kissing motion with her lips toward Hayden. A slow smirk spread across his face as he reached with his hand under her desk to squeeze her thigh. I glanced away, blushing. Almost instantly, I imagined Blake doing that exact thing to me…

My phone vibrated in my hand.

I get you. You feel it’s better to stay safe than be sorry, right? she wrote.

My fingers hovered over the screen as I thought about the answer. She messaged me again before I could come up with anything.

If you ask me, he’s just trying to fight it off.

I thought about Blake’s words the night we kissed at the party.

Maybe, but how come you’re so sure about it?

Because that’s exactly what Hayden did before he confessed to me. He was confused by his new feelings when all he knew was hate, and then he tried to get rid of them.

Her next text arrived a few seconds later.

But I don’t think Blake can fight them off.

Because you can’t win against your heart?

You can win, but not always. I couldn’t win against mine.

Do you ever regret it?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her smile.

Never. Even these days, when Hayden and I get into a huge fight, I feel we’re a step closer to mutual recovery because we’re able to learn to communicate better and overcome obstacles one by one.

Overcoming obstacles one by one… I couldn’t take my mind off her messages for the rest of class, thinking about how I always let my heart lead me. If Sarah hadn’t been able to do anything against her feelings for Hayden back then and she was more rational than me, what could I do? I was in too deep. I’d even watched YouTube videos and read blogs that talked about moving on, but it was like I was trying to build a rocket. I could only hope that once I was gone to college, the distance and time would do the trick.

Third period was free since the teacher had called in sick at the last minute and they couldn’t find a sub, so I went to the library, thinking I could write the sheet music for my solo there without being disturbed. The school festival was in a week, but I hadn’t gotten to practice my guitar or sing with a sore throat much these last few days. At least I’d been able to plan and compose. I already had a melody in my head, one that just begged to be