Trapped (Bullied Book 4) (Bullied Series) Vera Hollins (best large ereader txt) 📖

He bounced the ball harder. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I guessed it could be your weak point. So I used it against you.”

“You used it against me because, for some reason, you disliked me from the moment you saw me.”

He stopped bouncing the ball and finally looked back at me. “Exactly.”

I clamped my hand against my mouth. I didn’t know what was worse, Blake thinking I was fat and fat-shaming me because of that or the actual truth—that he didn’t find me fat but fat-shamed me because he wanted to use my weakness against me.

“And why did you dislike me?”

He remained silent as he began to bounce the ball again, and each bounce brought more tension and anger that spread fast and owned more of me. So that was another question he was going to refuse me an answer to.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done? I already have a bad enough image of myself, but you had to make it worse?!”

He dropped the ball and ran his hand down his face. “I already told you I realized how wrong it was. Something has changed in me these last few days. I’m not that same guy who didn’t care about how much you’re hurt. If I could take those words back now, I would.”

I shook my head. My chest hurt with raw pain that had resided in it for so long. “If you only knew…if you only knew how deep each of your insults cut. If you only knew how much I hated myself.” I sniffed and turned my back to him. “You broke me,” I whispered.

He didn’t say anything for quite a long time, and I was starting to think he wasn’t going to at all.

But then he said, “If you’d told me this back then, I probably wouldn’t have even cared. But now…now, it hurts. It hurts me that I caused you so much pain. It hurts me to know I messed you up so bad and I’ll never be able to take everything back.”

I closed my eyes, telling myself not to get swayed by the regret and guilt I could hear in his tone. A few soft words couldn’t replace the horrors of his actions—or so I kept trying to convince my heart.

“But there’s something I don’t understand,” he continued. “Why haven’t you ever fought back? Why do you let people walk all over you?”

I snapped my eyes open and swiveled around. “Excuse me?”

“Why do you let people abuse you?”

“I let them?”

“Yes.”

“Are you seriously asking me that? You, who controlled me and inspired fear in me every single day?”

“That’s all in your head. Fear and inability to defend yourself are all in your head. I’m not reducing my blame here, but you let your mind mess with you, allowing me and others to exploit that.”

I gritted my teeth, seething. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Tightening his jaw, he crossed the space between us. “I don’t? You have no fucking idea what I’ve gone through.”

I froze, the frames from that video intruding into my mind once more. His eyes grew stormy as he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me until our faces were a breath apart. He was shaking.

“I know fear the best. Hell, fear destroyed my life! But I never stopped fighting it. Every second of my life, I’m fighting it. You? You just run away from it, but running away doesn’t make bad things disappear. So instead of playing the role of a little, weak girl who waits for Sarah and others to save her ass, tough it out. Fight back. And even if you get hurt in the process, at least you aren’t a pathetic coward in the end.”

He released me, picked up the ball, and left the gym, leaving me rooted to the spot.

Blake had told me to tough it out. He was right about that because overcoming my cowardice was long overdue. His words stayed with me the whole day long, playing on repeat, inviting each bullying memory back into my mind.

If I’d fought back, would things have been any different? Mel seemed to have it under control. She never let others walk all over her and always fought her battles on her own.

How many times had I thought about fighting back but not been able to because I felt smaller than a mouse? After all, what could one girl do against so many people? And even if I defended myself, who could guarantee it wouldn’t get worse? If you defeat your bully, who can guarantee they won’t come back tomorrow with someone to back them up?

I’d seen that scenario too many times before. I’d seen boys punch their tormentors back, only to get beaten to a pulp in the school’s back yard the next day by those same tormentors and their friends. Victims couldn’t win. They were brutally silenced.

So I suffered in that lonely silence and hoped for all the bullying to stop one day. But it never did, becoming even worse when I came to East Willow High and met Blake.

“And even if you get hurt in the process, at least you aren’t a pathetic coward in the end,” Blake had said.

I was ready to fight back for Kevin. So why couldn’t I fight back for myself?

Fighting back at all costs or remaining a coward.

Both choices could cost me a lot, but I’d been a coward my whole life, and what had that brought me? I was even ready to sacrifice my future—my whole life—and go to a college my parents preferred just so they would be pleased.

So when Melissa asked me to come with her to the track on Friday night because Steven hadn’t come home for days and she wanted to make sure he was okay, I agreed without a second thought. If I wanted to become stronger, I had to break out of my shell and experience some excitement in my life. I needed a bit of danger to prove to myself