Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (great book club books TXT) 📖

the etiquette of these things from some resident.

 

In driving about, the most aristocratic lady can use the most

plebeian conveyance. The “four-wheeler” is the favorite carriage. A

servant calls them from the door-step with a whistle. They are very

cheap—one-and-sixpence for two miles, including a call not to

exceed fifteen minutes (the call). The hansom cab with one horse is

equally cheap, but not so easy to get in and out of. Both these

vehicles, with trunks on top of them, and a lady within, drive

through the Park side by side with the stately carriages. In this

respect London is more democratic than New York.

 

CHAPTER LVIII. HOW TO TREAT ENGLISH PEOPLE.

 

The highest lady in the realm, Queen Victoria, is always addressed

by the ladies and gentlemen of her household, and by all members of

the aristocracy and gentry, as “Ma’am,” not “Madam,” or “Your

Majesty,” but simply, “Yes, ma’am,” “No, ma’am.” All classes not

coming within the category of gentry, such as the lower professional

classes, the middle classes, the lower middle classes, the lower

classes (servants), would address her as “Your Majesty,” and not as

“Ma’am.” The Prince of Wales is addressed as “Sir” by the

aristocracy and gentry, and never as “Your Royal Highness” by either

of these classes, but by all other people he is addressed as “Your

Royal Highness.”

 

The other sons of Queen Victoria are addressed as “Sir” by the upper

classes, but as “Your Royal Highness” by the middle and lower

classes, and by all persons not coming within the category of

gentry; and by gentry, English people mean not only the landed

gentry, but all persons belonging to the army and navy, the clergy,

the bar, the medical and other professions, the aristocracy of art

(Sir Frederick Leighton, the President of the Royal Academy, can

always claim a private audience with the sovereign), the aristocracy

of wealth, merchant princes, and the leading City merchants and

bankers. The Princess of Wales and all the princesses of the blood

royal are addressed as “Ma’am” by the aristocracy and gentry, but as

“Your Royal Highness” by all other classes.

 

A foreign prince is addressed as “Prince” and “Sir” by the

aristocracy and gentry, and as “Your Serene Highness” by all other

classes; and a foreign princess would be addressed as “Princess” by

the aristocracy, or “Your Serene Highness” by the lower grades, but

never as “Ma’am.”

 

An English duke is addressed as “Duke” by the aristocracy and

gentry, and never as “Your Grace” by the members of either of these

classes; but all other classes address him as “Your Grace.” A

marquis is sometimes conversationally addressed by the upper classes

as “Markis,” but generally as “Lord A—,” and a marchioness as “Lady

B—;” all other classes would address them as “Marquis” or

“Marchioness.” The same remark holds good as to earls, countesses,

barons, baronnesses—all are “Lord B—” or “Lady B—.”

 

But Americans, who are always, if presented at court, entitled to be

considered as aristocracy and gentry, and as such are always

received, must observe that English people do not use titles often

even in speaking to a duke. It is only an ignorant person who

garnishes his conversation with these titles. Let the conversation

with Lord B flow on without saying “My lord” or “Lord B—” more

frequently than is absolutely necessary. One very ignorant American

in London was laughed at for saying, “That isn’t so, lord,” to a

nobleman. He should have said, “That isn’t so, I think,” or, “That

isn’t so, Lord B—,” or “my lord.”

 

The daughters of dukes, marquises, and earls are addressed as “Lady

Mary,” “Lady Gwendoline,” etc. This must never be forgotten, and the

younger sons of dukes and marquises are called “Lord John B—,”

“Lord Randolph Churchill,” etc. The wife of the younger son should

always be addressed by both the Christian and surname of her husband

by those slightly acquainted with her, and by her husband’s

Christian name only by her intimate friends. Thus those who know

Lady Randolph Churchill well address her as “Lady Randolph.” The

younger sons of earls, viscounts, and barons bear the courtesy title

of “Honorable,” as do the female members of the family; but this is

never used colloquially under any circumstances, although always in

addressing a letter to them.

 

Baronets are addressed by their full title and surname, as “Sir

Stafford Northcote,” etc., by persons of the upper classes, and by

their titles and Christian names by all lower classes. Baronets’

wives are addressed as “Lady B—“or “Lady C—.” They should not be

addressed as “Lady Thomas B—’” that would be to give them the rank

of the wife of a younger son of a duke or marquis, instead of that

of a baronet’s wife only.

 

In addressing foreigners of rank colloquially the received rule is

to address them by their individual titles without the addition of

the surname to their titles. In case of a prince being a younger son

he is addressed as “Prince Henry,” as in the case of Prince Henry of

Battenberg. The sons of the reigning monarchs are addressed as “Your

Imperial Highness.” A foreign nobleman is addressed as “Monsieur le

Duc,” “Monsieur le Comte,” “Monsieur le Baron,” etc.; but if there is

no prefix of “de,” the individual is addressed as “Baron

Rothschild,” “Count Hohenthal,” etc.

 

While it is proper on the Continent to address an unmarried woman as

mademoiselle, without the surname, in England it would be considered

very vulgar. “Miss” must be followed by the surname. The wives of

archbishops, bishops, and deans are simply Mrs. A—, Mrs. B—, etc.,

while the archbishop and bishop are always addressed as “Your Grace”

and as “My lord,” their wives deriving no precedency and no title

from their husbands’ ecclesiastical rank. It is the same with

military personages.

 

Peeresses invariably address their husbands by their title; thus the

Duchess of Sutherland calls her husband “Sutherland,” etc. Baronets’

wives call their husbands “Sir John” or “Sir George,” etc.

 

The order of precedency in England is strictly adhered to, and

English matrons declare that it is the greatest convenience, as it

saves them all the trouble of choosing who shall go in first, etc.

For this reason, among others, the “Book of the Peerage” has been

called the Englishman’s Bible, it is so often consulted.

 

But the question of how to treat English people has many another

phase than that of mere title, as we look at it from an American

point of view.

 

When we visit England we take rank with the highest, and can well

afford to address the queen as “Ma’am.” In fact, we are expected to

do so. A well-bred, well-educated, well-introduced American has the

highest position in the social scale. He may not go in to dinner

with a duchess, but he is generally very well placed. As for a well-bred, handsome woman, there is no end to the privileges of her

position in England, if she observes two or three rules. She should

not effuse too much, nor be too generous of titles, nor should she

fail of the necessary courtesy due always from guest to hostess. She

should have herself presented at court by her Minister or by some

distinguished friend, if She wishes to enter fashionable society.

Then she has the privilege of attending any subsequent Drawing-room,

and is eligible to invitations to the court bails and royal

concerts, etc.

 

American women have succeeded wonderfully of late years in all

foreign society from their beauty, their wit, and their originality.

From the somewhat perilous admiration of the Prince of Wales and

other Royal Highnesses for American beauties, there has grown up,

however, a rather presumptuous boldness in some women, which has

rather speedily brought them into trouble, and therefore it may be

advisable that even a witty and very pretty woman should hold

herself in check in England.

 

English people are very kind in illness, grief, or in anything which

is inevitable, but they are speedily chilled by any step towards a

too sudden intimacy. They resent anything like “pushing” more than

any other people in the world. In no country has intellect, reading,

cultivation, and knowledge such “success” as in England. If a lady,

especially, can talk well, she is invited everywhere. If she can do

anything to amuse the company—as to sing well, tell fortunes by the

hand, recite, or play in charades or private theatricals—she is

almost sure of the highest social recognition. She is expected to

dress well, and Americans are sure to do this. The excess of

dressing too much is to be discouraged. It is far better to be too

plain than too fine in England, as, indeed, it is everywhere; an

overdressed woman is undeniably vulgar in any country.

 

If we could learn to treat English people as they treat us in the

matter of introductions, it would be a great advance. The English

regard a letter of introduction as a sacred institution and an

obligation which cannot be disregarded. If a lady takes a letter to

Sir John Bowring, and he has illness in his family and cannot ask

her to dinner, he comes to call on her, he sends her tickets for

every sort of flower show, the museums, the Botanical Garden, and

all the fine things; he sends her his carriage—he evidently has her

on his mind. Sir Frederick Leighton, the most courted, the busiest

man in London, is really so kind, so attentive, so assiduous in his

response to letters of introduction that one hesitates to present a

letter for fear of intruding on his industrious and valuable life.

 

Of course there are disagreeable English people, and there is an

animal known as the English snob, than which there is no Tasmanian

devil more disagreeable. Travellers everywhere have met this

variety, and one would think that formerly it must have been more

common than it is now. There are also English families who have a

Continental, one might say a cosmopolitan, reputation for

disagreeability, as we have some American families, well known to

history, who have an almost patrician and hereditary claim to the

worst manners in the universe. Well-born bears are known all over

the world, but they are in the minority. It is almost a sure sign of

base and ignoble blood to be badly mannered. And if the American

visitor treats his English host half as well as the host treats him,

he may feel assured that the entente cordiale will soon be

perfect.

 

One need not treat the average Englishman either with a too effusive

cordiality or with that half-contemptuous fear of being snubbed

which is of all things the most disagreeable. A sort of “chip on the

shoulder” spread-eagleism formerly made a class of Americans

unpopular; now Americans are in favor in England, and are treated

most cordially.

 

CHAPTER LIX. A FOREIGN TABLE D’HOTE, AND CASINO LIFE ABROAD.

 

Life at a French watering-place differs so essentially from that at

our own Saratoga, Sharon, Richfield, Newport, and Long Branch, that

a few items of observation may be indulged in to show us what an

immense improvement we could introduce into our study of amusement

by following the foreign fashions of simplicity in eating and

drinking.

 

The Continental people never eat that heavy early meal which we call

breakfast. They take in their rooms at eight o’clock a cup of coffee

and a roll, what they call caf� complet, or they may prefer tea

and oatmeal, the whole thing very simple. Then at Aix-les Rains or

Vichy the people under treatment go to the bath, taking a rest

afterwards. All this occupies an hour. They then rise and dress for

the eleven o’clock d�jeuner � la fourchette, which