Seven Demons Aidan Truhen (reading an ebook TXT) 📖

between my knees and into the water and her fingers must be numb there’s no way she can use a key there in the cold water and then the car is rolling again and she’s standing on the roof and I am hanging by the cuffs and then real big I see the jawless man’s residual head come toward me like a morning star from that awful TV show and I think there’s some fucking karmic shit happening here and then WHUD.

Night night.

—

All the world is a gun and it is firing over and over and over and over and—

Ratatataata—yeah yeah that’s just a waste of perfectly good projectiles none of you is—

Wait I’m alive that’s good—

Fuck I’m cold FUCK—

Cold cold cold O JESUS so cold. Lying in the water faceup cold and all around this huge noise ratatatata. ZOING ZOING that’s in the water that’s not good that’s where I am someone do something I pay taxes do I not? Under several names and in several countries actually so I ought to get at least some kind of fucking police presence for that.

Agent Hannah rattatatas and Agent Hannah’s flunkies ratatatatatatat and then up on the bridge more people ratatatatata down at us and this is very fucking un-Swiss and it should not be allowed.

Things whizz by that are sharp and hard. Shrapnel and bullets and I fucking hate guns and how come everyone has one except me.

Ratatata.

Too cold to move like all my zing is gone into the—

I am Jack Price.

I am Banjo fucking Telemark.

There is not enough cold in the whole world to take my zing.

“In that case Jack is necessary you move fat bourgeois ass and not die am I right?”

“Yeah big guy I hear ya it’s just cozy here.”

“Yeah was cozy also in the snow machine where I threw myself to give you a chance so—”

“Fuck don’t guilt me I hate that—”

“Yeah also as it happens I fell in by accident I actually was hijacking but did not go well. Now move Jack. Is bad manners to die with my red corpsicles still in your blood.”

“I think that would be corpuscles—”

“Sure splain to the dead guy why not you got time—OH WAIT NO YOU DIE HERE UNLESS YOU MOVE ASS—”

“Shit all right all right—”

I drag myself up out of the water my hands are just white clubs on the end of my arms my feet are clumsy but I move until I am behind a little low wall on the waterside with the cops. Agent Hannah has found a crappy little boulder to hide behind all Butch and Sundance and we all know THAT turned out well.

Hannah says something and one of the guys ONLY TWO GUYS says something back: Chäschuechli Chäschuechli. That is the Swiss word for cheesecake and they are not saying cheesecake but if you are not Swiss and you are listening to deep Swiss gunfight crisis lingo it really does not matter how good your language skills may be some variation of that is what you are hearing.

There are seven men from the G-Wagen up on the bridge and they have some serious weapons and they are—

Ratatataat—RATATATAT—

And we are pinned down and I’m amazed I am even alive because there is our car sinking in the Aare and Hannah must have actually fucking unlocked me under the fucking water and dragged me here that is super-duper responsible and law enforcey and Swiss but she is not fucking Wonder Woman so she cannot—

RATATATATA—

RATATATATAATATATTTAA—

Ratatata SPLINCH.

That is Hannah’s left-hand guy leaving his thinkparts on the white stones by the side of the river and leaking into the cloudy blue water.

White lights shining down on us like an eye. G-Wagen.

What the fuck is the response time here it cannot be anything this is the fucking federal capital is everyone a-fucking-sleep?

There’s Hannah now by herself and she’s too exposed over there she needs to be over here but she cannot get from there to here and they will kill her and then they will come down here and kill me.

Agent Hannah’s right-hand guy says this and she says something and he says no and she says no and he pops up and gives her covering fire and Agent Hannah says NEEEIIIII—

And that turns out to be a bad decision for him and so she is alone and so am I. Which means— O for fuck’s sake really we’re doing this? What the actual fuck Doc will—well she will not be happy whatever happens here.

I get my feet under me.

Ratatatatatata! Stay where you fucking are Jack Price or I shoot you myself—

I don’t run toward her directly so I do not get shot at right off. I run the other way to the dead left-hand guy. By the time the G-Wagen guys wake to what’s happening I get him on my back in his bullet vest and I run back to Hannah with him pushed up onto my head like a stupid hat and that is how I get to her alive. It feels as if dead man and I are together holding up an elephant because all the bullets in the world are hitting him FLOB FLOB PIZZIAAAOW ZIAAAOW ZNOING FLOB FLOBBBABLOB. Hannah looks at me like this is the worst thing that has ever happened in the world (FLOB FLOB) I grab her and drag her back and back to the little wall. It is like running with an umbrella under a meat shower. Then we get down behind the wall and the rain stops and she stares at me. She has some of her friend in her hair.

“What the fuck is WRONG with you?”

“Lady you are looking in fact for the words Danke schön or THANK YOU would also be fine—”

“LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE—”

“What you think he still gave a shit his face is over there by the water—”

(Ratatatatatatata but whole meters away this time so I hardly notice.)

“You are a monster.”

“I am not—”

“Get your damn head down criminal—”

“Much as I would love