Seven Demons Aidan Truhen (reading an ebook TXT) 📖

that now is hardly the time—”

She stares at me: “You would make that joke here and now?”

“Lady you inappropriately lovebuttoned my innocent finger and I am going to sue the fuck out of that later and I realize you do not believe this but my name is BANJO TELEMARK I am an ARTIST not a fucking—”

“O sure—”

Ratatatatata SPLUDDER.

And that is another man down and that is it. Now it’s just us versus them and Agent Hannah’s big gun is empty and she has a backup and—

I don’t know where the fuck would I find out about little European popgun thingies but it is the first gun I have seen this trip that does not make me feel inferior and HOW THE FUCK IS IT THE GUN BETWEEN ME AND DEATH that is just fucking annoying.

It is a tiny fucking gun.

RATATATATATA ZING SCHWING ZING.

Agent Hannah’s gun goes ponk.

RATATATATA. RATA ATTTATATATATATA ZSCHWING FRISSSS ATATATA!

(ponk)

For actual fuck’s sake.

I may die of just being fucking embarrassed. I’ll sure as hell die if I try to run.

Except.

Something weird is happening right now.

In any other country on earth you would hear sirens right now and helicopters and sure you can hear those things.

But you can also hear something else. It is a really fucking weird sound. It sounds like geese.

Angry fucking geese.

Angry geese talking about cheesecake so—

Not geese. People.

And doors opening.

Because this is Switzerland.

Until a couple years ago every household had a service rifle in a case. Most every single guy here shoots off a mandated number of rounds per month. They’ve been cutting back. But not that much. There are still plenty of homes here that are armed. And the people in them are actually trained in the use of weapons and in group maneuvers. They have a rank system and assigned roles because they are the Swiss. Fucking. Army.

Ratatata.

(ponk)

RATATATA—

But now also:

“DURCHZÄHLEN!”

“MORGES!”

“KRIENS!”

“MORGES!”

“DREI MAL—”

“VIER—”

“OFFICIER, DÉTACHEMENT DE RECONNAISSANCE DE L’ARMÉE DIX—”

“À VOTRE COMMANDE—”

“À GAUCHE—”

Clickaclack and running feet crisscrossing. Tic tac tic tact: infantry advance, urban warfare style.

This.

Is.

Awesome.

Because this here is a gunfight in the heart of a nation’s capital city. It might be a terror attack. It might be something else. But it is dangerous and criminal and not allowed and for whatever reason the people who should be dealing with it are not here yet and so it is continuing in despite of good order and public safety—

And that is not fucking Swiss.

BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA

Semiautomatic rifle fire.

From.

Everywhere.

BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA

BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA

BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA

BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA BROKKA—

Seven guys from the G-Wagen are right now having a totally shitty night.

And I’m happy.

Because here I am freezing on the banks of a river and some cop lady who wants to arrest me who has this tiny gun is defending me from being deadified by men in a giant death car who are—going out on a limb here I’m gonna say Hans Eiger has made a call—and now the citizenry has risen up and taking a stand and at last at fucking last I understand what the shit is happening in the world.

Robbing a bank? Sure. Sure I get that. I see it but it’s not actually my jam.

This though.

This is like when you’ve been away from your house and you get through the door and you’re not really thinking about it and you’ve got something to do right away and you draw that first breath and the exact combination of smells and moisture and your life hits you in the brain and you know you’re where you are meant to be.

Where I’m meant to be—

Ponk ratatatata ponk BROKKA BROKKA—

I take three steps and fall forward into the river as Agent Hannah turns and sees me and screams WAS SCHEIßEREI—

But she isn’t going to shoot me now because she wants to arrest me and because although it was disgusting and appalling she knows I just saved her life and she saved mine and that is a thing.

Another thing.

Between us.

Agent Hannah lowers her gun and screams at me and I let the ice-cold water wash me away and away.

River flows fast. Don’t know if Hannah came after me. Guessing not. Guessing the G-Wagen boys are more her priority right now.

Paramilitary operations in her capital city and all that.

So cold. How long do I have before I freeze like three minutes. Less because I was cold when I went in.

Doesn’t matter. Hypothermic is fixable shot is not prison—

Well prison is negotiable except that once you’re in everyone EVERYONE knows where to find you and for a man in my position that is not good.

Out in the main stream. Getting warmer.

Which means going under.

Behind me far away bokka bokka still and now sirens now helicopters. Not long before Hannah tasks one of them in my direction surely time to get out.

Just don’t know if I have the energy.

Gravel under my feet. Huge bend in the river and here’s the strand. Bathing spot with a wooden pontoon that’s convenient if only I could—

“Ayaaaawuh that is correct come come—”

Help. Switzerland of course there is help.

Yes of course.

“I’m—”

“Here quickly we must dry you—there is an ambulance here—”

Heat packs all over agonizing agonizing pass out don’t pass out—

“Sit still here you will be fine but you must get warm here are clothes who should we call for you—”

“I’m—”

Who am I? Who’s safe to be—

Tired. I’m tired. “Need a drink is there something hot?”

“Yes there is soup goulasch soup from the café here—”

Of course it is.

“Sit there I will get some.”

He goes.

I do not sit there.

—

“Sir I am afraid you cannot come in in that—”

“MY NAME IS BANJO TELEMARK I AM A GUEST HERE GET THE MANAGER IMMEDIATELY—”

“O Mr. TELEMARK I had no idea so sorry MY GOD what has happened—”

“I was ATTACKED yes ATTACKED by TERRORISTS I must have champagne immediately and my room my room and warmth and—”

“Yes yes of course come with me—”

Doc will find me. She’ll know to look here.

Before they do.

But I’m so tired and the hotel was the first place I thought of.

Concierge takes me upstairs and opens