Mister West R.J. Lewis (macos ebook reader txt) 📖

of him before he calms down. I’ve seen it before, and I can’t watch it happen again.

You did this, Ivy. You could have left a long time ago.

WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAVE A LONG TIME AGO?

I’m beating myself up. I try not to. I silence those thoughts because now isn’t the time to be weak.

“Answer me, Ivy!”

“I’ll answer you when you’re sober!” I bite back, grabbing my bag off the ground. I check for my wallet. When I know it’s there, I grab any clothes nearby and shove them inside.

“Here I am feeling guilty, being made out to be a fucking monster, and all along you’ve been fucking another man!” he carries on.

I ignore him now. Let him think what he wants. I don’t try to defend myself. I just need to leave, but he’s covered up the doorway again. He’s stopping me from leaving. I stand in front of him, shaking my head.

“I’m too tired to do this,” I tell him, feeling weak. “Just let me out.”

“I’m not budging until you answer me!”

I go to scoot past him, but he shoves me back hard.

“You have to stop touching me like that,” I snap, feeling my blood pressure spike. “Don’ttouchme like that! Just let me out!”

But he pushes me back every time I try to move past him. I’m feeling so frustrated, I want to scream, but he’s doing all the screaming for the both of us. He won’t stop demanding to know who Aidan is, how long I’ve been fucking him, how we met.

“He talks to me!” I finally relent. “He just talks to me! He pays attention to me –”

“So do I!”

“No, you don’t! You cheated on me, fucked a woman while Isabella died in my hands –”

“No one told me she was about to pass!”

“You never picked up your phone!”

“She was in the incubator the last I saw –”

“I don’t want to hear about it anymore!” I cry, feeling sick with pain. “God, I can’t bear it anymore, Derek! Just let me pass. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you. I’m too broken up inside, don’t you get it? There’s nothing left between us. You broke me, Derek! The worst thing I ever did was come back to THIS!”

“Then you led me on! You could have told me, you could have gone and stayed with Ana, but you came here instead –”

“I didn’t want to drop my baggage into her life –”

“You practically do already –”

My hands are in the air. “Okay, I’m sorry! I’m sorry for what I did!”

He points a finger at me, growling, “You’re just telling me what I want to hear!”

“I’m not! I’m telling you I’m sorry!”

“And now you’re fucking a man like those bar flies do!”

“That’s rich coming from you!”

“I was drunk!”

“You were sober enough in those pictures!”

“It was meaningless!”

“Not to me!” I shake my head, feeling twisted apart now that we’re talking about it.

“Well, I’m here, fighting for you, Ivy!”

“No, you’re not. You only want me because I’m going! Where was the fight before? Where was it when I was alone, left in this apartment with a broken heart, while you partied and drank and spent our money? Where was it when I wanted to study? You weren’t there for me, championing me! You made me feel guilty for wanting to be better!”

“That’s bullshit!”

“It’s true! You let the distance grow because you hated that I was changing! That I didn’t want to piss away any more time out there in your world! And us co-existing? You were fine with the separation because it meant I was here, under this roof, and you could know what I was up to!”

He keeps shaking his head. “That’s not true!”

“It is! I grew, Derek. I had to be the responsible one. The second I saw that line on that stick, I knew everything needed to change. But you…you didn’t care!”

“You act like you’re so fucking high and mighty, yet you’re sneaking around behind my back, talking to some other dick a lot longer than you’re letting on –”

“Keep feeding yourself that bullshit, Derek, if it makes you feel better!”

“You’re dirty, Ivy! You pretend to be a fucking nun, but you are! You’re filthy for doing this to me!”

“Me, me, me!” I mock. “That’s how you sound! That’s all it ever is!”

We keep screaming at each other. He tells me I’m a whore. That I wasted his time. I nod, even agree, because I just want to stop the arguing. Let him have it. Let him say what he wants. I have no urge to defend myself.

At some point, I push him so I can move past. He grabs me by the arm tight and I try pushing him away. He’s squeezing so hard, my arm feels like it’s being twisted off. This is volatile. It’s going to get violent. His eyes are dark from rage. My vision is too blurry to see him clearly. My voice is scratchy, but my pleas are clear.

Let go of me. Stop touching me. You’re going to regret doing this, Derek. You always do. I repeat this over and over again. I reach a point where I can’t maintain composure any longer. I feel like a flame growing hotter. I’m letting all the negativity in, and I’m pleading for him to let me go.

“Derek, stop it! You need to let me go!”

“You don’t get to walk away and come back when it suits you –”

“I’m never coming back again!” I scream with certainty. “Never!”

His face is red from anger. “You don’t mean that!”

“I do!”

His front presses against me, and he’s screaming down at me. It’s all a fucked-up blur. I try moving around him, but he pushes me back, so hard that I fall back, landing on the bed. My neck hurts from the harsh landing. I get back up and he shoves me back down, harder this time. Pain shoots through my neck again. I press a hand to my forehead. The room is