Songs For Your Mother Gordon MacMillan (good books for 7th graders .txt) 📖

feel heat around my collar, and the only way out of this is to feign ignorance.

‘God no. She used to date… I mean her and my best friend were a couple, and…’ I trail off for a moment as I’m hit by that recurring sense of loss, by the sadness that I still feel about Will. ‘…and yeah, we’ve always been good friends.’

Jane looks at me for a beat and I think she is going to press the issue and ask me what TSP has said. I really hope she doesn’t, as I’m a terrible liar.

‘Maybe she’s a little protective?’ Jane says.

Maybe there’s a bit of that at play, mixed in with disapproval. Maybe TSP is right, maybe I’m not ready, and maybe this is too complicated? Jane lets it go, she smiles, and we move on. The tension lifts and the cloud passes.

Before long, we are splitting the bill and walking out together, and we are standing on the street on Highbury Hill outside the restaurant. I tell her what a good time I’ve had.

‘I had a fun time too,’ Jane says. ‘I wasn’t sure that I would after I said what I did to you at the start. I thought that I should say it as people have preconceptions about single mothers and those are always asking to be challenged. Besides, it was a way to break the ice, wasn’t it?’ Jane says.

‘It definitely was,’ I say.

‘You handled it well,’ Jane says and then she leans in, and I get where it is all heading. We look to each other, and we kiss.

‘I’m going to be bold. Would you like to come back for a final glass?’ Jane says.

I don’t think about this for very long before I say yes. I’m sure one more drink still counts as taking it slowly. Besides, I need to get back soon to relieve Susan. Tonight, I’m Cinderella and I cannot be late.

The two of us wander back through the streets of Highbury to Jane’s house, where she says goodnight to her friend who has been babysitting. The two women talk briefly, quietly out of earshot in the hallway, as I sit on the couch feeling like my twenty-something self, in some house I’d never been to before. They laugh, and I try not to think too much that they might be saying about me.

Jane checks on Jack, who is sleeping soundly, and we have our glass of wine. We sit on the couch talking for a short while, and I realise we are sitting quite close. It is now my turn to be bold, and I lean in and we are kissing.

Jane stands and holds out her hand. I take it and follow her up the stairs to her bedroom at the front of the Victorian house, and we start over. I know at this point that we are no longer taking it slowly. The evening has acquired speed, and we are racing forward.

I’m undoing the back of her dress, and it is falling to the floor, and she is lifting my t-shirt up over my head. Jane pauses as everyone does when she sees my scar. She runs her hand gently over it. I’d told her when we first met and exchanged our stories about the crash. Jane doesn’t ask me about it, she puts a hand to the side of my face and kisses me, and we lie down together on her bed and start to move our hands over each other.

I’m about to undo her bra when my groin starts to buzz. Through the fuzz of alcohol and endorphins, it takes me a few moments to work out what is happening. My phone is vibrating. It takes me a few more seconds to work out who it could be through the intoxicating smell of Jane’s perfume and the hard-on in my trousers, which has temporarily sucked my brains into my shorts.

‘Hang on,’ I say as I turn my face away from Jane and roll onto my bare back.

‘What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts?’ Jane asks.

‘No, not that, it’s my phone,’ I say.

‘Your phone?’ Jane looks at me and smiles knowingly. ‘It’s always the babysitter.’

I look at my phone and there’s a WhatsApp from Susan.

You need to come home now, he won’t go to sleep and is crying and throwing things around and I don’t know what to do. Help!

When I read this my first reaction is that I’m worried that Luke is getting worse. There was the incident the other night at TSP’s when he didn’t want to go home and now this.

‘I have to go,’ I say.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Sorry, Luke won’t go to sleep, and he’s throwing stuff around,’ I say.

Jane presses herself into my chest and plants small kisses. ‘Stay for a bit, a little while,’ she says.

What can I say? I’m only a man, and I’m weak most of the time. I swear that’s the truth, and while I’m tempted to stay longer, I know that I have to go. Tonight, there’s another pull that is far stronger. It is Luke and Lauren. They are calling me home. It isn’t only them I can feel pulling at me as I can feel my mother, sister, TSP and Susan pull as well and I have to go. I remind myself that I can’t fail at this and that I need to be as good as I can. I can’t let anyone down, including myself, but most importantly Luke. I push myself up, and I kiss Jane on the cheek and reach for my t-shirt.

‘I would love to stay,’ I say. ‘I can’t. I have to make sure he’s okay.’

‘You’re so new at this aren’t you?’

I nod at this; I’m not sure what else I can do. It’s very true. I am new at this, and I still feel very much like the rookie on the team.

‘You probably worked out pretty quickly that I don’t have a clue most of the time. I’m here