Hummingbird Lane Brown, Carolyn (libby ebook reader TXT) 📖

the sofa, her back against his chest, but she didn’t remember how they’d gotten in that position. Her mother would have a fit if she knew that she’d slept with Josh or that she was going out into the desert with him on a four-wheeler. Even though he had money, he would never be good enough for a Merrill daughter, not even an unloved one.

Whoa! she thought. It’s not Mother’s business what I do anymore. I have to get past thinking like that.

And the dependence on Sophie? Victoria’s whispers were so icy that they gave her a chill even though the woman wasn’t there.

“Great,” he said. “I’m going home to get my supplies ready. I’ll make us sandwiches in case we want to stay out past lunchtime. Be back in an hour.” He disappeared out the door, and Emma reached for the cordless phone.

“I realize I’m depending on Sophie, but I need advice.” Emma poked in the number for Sophie, and then she hung up.

She paced the floor for five minutes. “I can’t do this on my own today. I need help,” she declared.

“Admitting that you need help is part of the healing process,” Nancy had said in a session. “Let me help you remember what you have locked away, Emma. Tell me why you left college and never went back. What happened to you there? It’s all right to talk about it and to ask for help when you are overwhelmed.”

She carried the phone over to the refrigerator, where Sophie had written down the phone numbers for Filly, Arty, Josh, Rebel, and herself. She started to call Sophie again, and then remembered that she would probably be getting things ready for her next showing. She should be thinking about that, not giving Emma dating advice. She was still thinking about calling Sophie when the phone rang. The noise startled her so badly that she dropped the receiver on the floor and had to scramble to pick it up. She finally answered on the fourth ring.

“Good morning again, Em. I wanted to tell you that I didn’t mean to embarrass you kids this morning,” Filly said.

“Lord, I’m glad you called,” Emma said.

“Honey, I’m not the Lord, but what’s going on?” Filly giggled.

“I just need to talk to someone. I’ve got all these strange feelings and . . .” She sucked in a lungful of air.

“I’ll be over there in two minutes,” Filly said, and the line went silent.

“Thank you,” Emma said with relief and went to the door to watch for Filly. Sure enough, in a few seconds, she came out of her trailer. Her bare feet peeked out from under her flowing skirt as she hurried across the yard. When she was on the porch, Emma threw the door open.

The first thing Filly did was stop and hug her tightly. Then she took her by the hand and led her to the sofa and pulled her down beside her. “I’m here, honey. Tell me what’s happened.”

“I thought when I remembered what happened in college, it would all be over, and I would be a whole person again, but here I am needing help.”

Filly patted her on the arm. “We all need help. Talk to me.”

“I like Josh, but I’m afraid to like him,” Emma said.

“Why? He’s a good man, independent, solid, upstanding,” Filly said. “I could go on and on, but you know him, Em, so what’s the problem?”

“It’s not Josh, it’s me,” Emma whispered.

Filly slipped an arm around Emma’s shoulders and hugged her. “You are a good woman. You and Josh have a lot in common, and you—”

“I have stuff in my past.” She frowned. The nightmares had brought out the story to Sophie, and Emma had told Josh because she wanted him to understand her issues.

“Talking about it will help you face it, so try to remember,” Nancy had said.

She kept her eyes on her hands, folded in her lap, and said, “I had one guy that I thought was my friend when I was in college. We sat by each other in art classes and talked every day that semester. He betrayed me.” She paused for a moment. “He let another boy drug and rape me. The therapists tell me I have repressed memories, but it goes deeper than that. Mother never wanted me, so it stands to reason she wouldn’t want me to inherit the company. She’s been destroying me so that I wouldn’t be fit to run the precious company that means more to her than I ever did.”

“Oh, honey, that’s what you call gaslighting. Take a breath and sit here with me for just a minute or two before we go on.” She reached over and took Emma’s hands in hers.

That calmed Emma’s racing thoughts and turmoil, but after a few seconds, she blurted out, “What am I going to do?”

“About you? About Josh? Or about both of you?” Filly asked.

“It has to be about me before it can be about anything or anyone else,” Emma said.

“Then you’ve answered your own question,” Filly said. “Straighten you out so that you don’t need anyone to complete your life or heart.”

“Sophie needs Teddy,” Emma said.

“No, Sophie loves Teddy. She is complete in her own self. She can survive without anyone. Think about it like this: If you had to have Josh to live or function, what would happen if he died? You would be right back where you were when you depended on your mother for everything. Work on getting where you need to be within you, and then you can think about what happens with you and Josh,” Filly said.

“Like you, huh?” Emma said.

“I wasn’t always like this.” Filly smiled. “There was a time in my life when I thought I had to have a certain young man in my life to make me whole. I got him, and everything was rainbows and unicorns until he decided to leave the carnival with another woman.”

“What did you do?” Emma asked.

“I went to pieces, of course, and that’s