Hummingbird Lane Brown, Carolyn (libby ebook reader TXT) 📖

when I realized that it was all right to grieve, but it was not all right to depend on someone to define who I was. It took several months, but I came out on the other side a stronger person,” Filly told her. “You will, too, but you have to hunt for yourself before you do anything else.”

“Hunt? That’s a strange word,” Emma said.

“Honey, we are hunting our whole lives. As women, we hunt for love. As artists, we hunt for inspiration. As people, we hunt for truth. You’ve been on a quest to find out what happened to you to make you so dependent on others, and you’ve found it, but now you have to hunt for your own inner peace. Remember what I told you when I read your palms? You are a strong person who will influence others. You want that, but you want someone who will influence you in ways that will balance your relationship.” Filly dropped her hands.

“Did you ever find someone like that?” Emma looked down at her hands and felt just a little empty without Filly’s touch.

“Sure I did,” Filly said. “Arty is my partner. We balance each other.”

“Really?” Emma could feel her eyes widening.

“Oh, yeah,” Filly answered. “Years ago, when we were younger, it was physical, but now that we’re older, that part has begun to fade and we’re just the best of friends. We’ve had an amazing journey together.”

“But you argue so much,” Emma said.

Filly chuckled. “That’s just our way. Be true to you, and the rest of the world, including Josh, will love you.”

“But what if . . . ,” she started.

“Worrying about what if ruins your day,” Filly said.

“I’m thirty-five years old, and I don’t even know how to kiss a man,” Emma admitted and felt her face burn with a blush.

Filly’s chuckle turned into a giggle. “Honey, kissing comes as natural as breathing. Just let nature take its course and don’t overthink anything.”

“I must sound like a fool,” Emma whispered.

“Never.” Filly patted her on the knee. “If you have questions, feel free to call me. I’m glad you feel close enough to me to feel like you can ask me anything.”

“Thank you, Filly.” Emma smiled.

“Now, stop worrying and enjoy this beautiful day. I hear Josh’s four-wheeler coming this way. Are you kids going out today?”

“We’re going out to”—Emma’s smile got even bigger—“hunt for inspiration.”

“Then you should be going, and so should I. I’ve got jewelry to make and dessert to think about for supper tonight.” Filly got up and slipped out the front door just as Josh rapped on the back one.

Chapter Sixteen

Emma had been nervous the first time she rode the bike she got for her eighth birthday, but with Rebel’s help and a lot of encouragement from Sophie, she had mastered the thing in a few tries. She grabbed up her backpack and was heading toward the door when Josh knocked.

“I’m ready,” she said.

“Great.” He slid the door open for her and stood to one side. “It’s a nice, sunny day for writing down ideas and maybe even doing some rough sketching.”

That same feeling that she had had the day she rode the bike—fear that she couldn’t do it—knotted her stomach into a pretzel when she looked at the four-wheeler.

You don’t have to drive the damn thing. Sophie’s giggles were so real that Emma glanced over her shoulder to see if her friend had come home early.

Josh slid out of the seat and stowed her backpack in one of the saddlebags attached to the sides of the machine, then got back on and slid forward. “Have you ever ridden on one of these before?” he asked.

“Nope,” she answered. Or sat behind a handsome guy on one, either, she thought.

“Just get on behind me.” Josh patted the back of the seat. “I’ll go slow and try not to hit too many gopher holes.”

She slung a leg over and settled in behind him, but there was no way she could keep any distance between them. Her front was plastered against his back, and her legs were against his. Every nerve in her body tingled, her breath shortened, and her pulse raced. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands. Should she wrap them around his waist or hold on to the sides of the seat?

“I’ve never had anyone ride with me before, Em, but I think you’d feel more secure if you hold on to me,” Josh said.

“All right.” She wrapped her arms around him and then didn’t know whether to clasp her hands together or splay them out on his chest. She finally opted for the latter. He revved up the engine a little, and they were off.

True to his word, he did not go fast, but the wind in her hair and the instant feeling of total freedom were like nothing she’d ever felt before. If she ever made enough money with her artwork, she was going to buy one of these things for herself. Riding in or even driving a car had never made her feel like this, but then the only time she’d been this close to a guy before was in the halls at the elementary school as all the kids rushed from class to class.

Your father hugged you and kissed you on the forehead before he told you good night, the voice in her head reminded her.

That’s different, she argued.

And then there was the rape. You were close to Terrance during that horrible ordeal, the pesky voice reminded her.

Don’t ever compare Josh to that monster, she said silently.

“Are you all right?” Josh yelled over the roar of the engine and the wind. “I can feel your heart racing.”

“I’m fine,” she answered. “I can feel your heart doing the same.” She amazed herself when she tapped her fingers on the left side of his chest. She was flirting, and it didn’t feel weird.

“Only other time I’ve had a girl pressed up against me was when I woke up this morning,” he