Lauren Takes Leave Gerstenblatt, Julie (classic literature list txt) 📖

or something isdifferent. Maybe you slept funny?”

I did sleep funny all right.

But wait, did Kat say…my forehead? I start to smile and amabout to tell them my about my “secret” doctor’s appointment from Tuesday. Itwill feel so good to share the news. And to think, it’s actually working!People are noticing!

Tim winks at me and interjects before I can speak. “Um,ladies and gents, I think that’s what we in Hollywood would call Botox.”

“No!” Kat and Jodi say in unison. I plaster a big fakegrin on my face in response, trying to hide my embarrassment at being calledout.

“Yeah, yeah, I did it,” I admit. “So…how do I look,really?”

Kat, Jodi and I head to the bathroom, where I try toinspect my forehead in the lousy fluorescent lighting.

“Huh,” I say, looking closely. It really is pleasantlysmooth and wrinkle free. My eyes do seem to have opened up a bit, probablybecause the skin above and around my brow has tightened and raised.

“It’s a miracle!” I cheer. “I love this stuff!” I’mtotally converted to the dark side now. Looks like I’ll be tutoring quite a bitin order to feed my injectables habit.

Jodi pats me on the back and reminds me that she’s fouryears younger than me. “But eventually, if I ever start looking as bad as youdid, I’ll get the name of your guy,” she concedes.

“Gee, thanks.”

“What is this?” Kat screams from behind her bathroomstall.

“Are you okay?” I ask, as Jodi shouts, “What happened?”

“I. Have. A. Fucking. Tattoo! On my inner thigh! Underthis bandage! Right here!” she yells.

“Can I see?” Jodi asks, banging on the stall. “Open up!”

“No!”

“You don’t remember?” I ask the Obvious Question, butstill, I’m kind of surprised. I thought I was way more inebriated that she was,and I recall getting the tattoos.

“We all got them,” Jodi adds. “I copied Tim’s.”

“You did?” Now, that part I don’t remember. I can onlyhope she doesn’t have Ruby’s doodles on her back. Or worse, a sketch of KingTut’s sarcophagus. Tim has one on his arm. He showed it to me last night. Kindacreepy.

“Yeah. I inscribed my daughters’ birthdays next to myC-section scar.”

“In hieroglyphics, like Tim?” I wonder.

“No, idiot. In pink and purple.”

“Kat.” I knock gently on the yellow metal door. “Comeout.”

“It’s mortifying. I can’t. I’ll never come out again!” Ipeer through the seam where the door meets the frame. Kat is perched on thetoilet tank with her head in her hands.

“It can’t be that bad,” I soothe. And then I whisper toJodi, “Do you remember what her tattoo is?”

Jodi shakes her head, clueless. “Something aboutastrology, maybe? Or yoga?”

“I. Can. Hear. You!” Kat calls.

“Oh, wait! I’m having a vision!” Jodi announces proudly.Then she saunters over to the stall where Kat is hiding and knocks lightly onthe door. “Hello, Kitty?”

“Fuck me!” Kat says, exploding out of the stall, past us,and out into the restaurant.

Jodi can’t stop laughing. Bending over slightly, she runsinto the stall. “I think I just pissed myself!”

“Why?’’ I ask. “What’s so funny about saying ‘Hello,Kitty’ to Kat?”

“Dumb ass. That’s her new tattoo! It’s a white-faced,chubby cat with whiskers, a huge pink bow, black eyes and a yellow dot nose. Isketched it out for that guy Tommy. It looks like something from Kimora LeeSimmons’ line of jewelry! Hysterical!” she calls out from behind the stall. Ihear her flush and blow her nose. “I’m crying again, but this time, it’s fromcomic relief. I really needed that!”

I manage to get her back out into the restaurant and toour booth in one piece. Only Kat is at the table waiting for us, the guysnowhere in sight. “Meow,” Jodi declares, holding her juice glass high for atoast.

Kat holds out her middle finger in response.

Out in the parking lot, Tim and Lenny are speakinganimatedly. Tim leans against the trunk of an old car while Lenny paces infront of him.

“It’s your responsibility to tell them,” Lenny argues.

“No, it isn’t. I don’t have to do a damn thing if I don’twant to. I only mentioned it to you because I thought you were cool,”Tim says.

“Mentioned it? Like it was just something in passing? Anoversight that you conveniently forgot about?” Lenny barks. “And don’t saysomething completely juvenile, like, ‘I thought you were cool.’ Unless you’vebeen cast in the part of a seventh grader, perhaps?”

“Whoa,” Jodi says.

The men both turn their heads at the sound of Jodi’svoice, and instantly clam up. Tim scratches his four-day stubble with vigorwhile Lenny continues pacing.

“Anyone want to tell us what’s going on?” I ask.

“Nope,” Tim says breezily.

Lenny motions with his pointer finger at Tim. “You—” hestarts. “Arrgh!” He grunts in frustration, never completing the thought. “Whereare they, huh?” he asks Tim, his hands gesturing wildly around the parking lot.“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Then he gets up in Tim’s face. “You’vegot some nerve.”

“Oh, that’s rich.” Tim shakes his head back and forth, asmile creasing the corner of his mouth. Cutely, I might add.

No, Lauren, I scold myself, not “cutely.” Lenny and Timare fighting and, no matter what, you must root for Lenny to win. Even if Timis larger-than-life and amazingly adorable.

“I’ve got some nerve?” Tim repeats, like they arepracticing cheesy dialogue in some Clint Eastwood film. “What about you?” Timlooks around. “Actually, what about all of you?”

We stare back at him. No one says anything for a fewbeats. Then I turn to Tim. “What about us?” I wonder.

Tim sighs. “Nothing, Lauren. Just forget I said anything.”

“Can’t do that.” He looks at me and I smile. “Listen,Macbeth. You’re very cute and very famous and I’m just trying to keep it alltogether around you, so no, I haven’t had much nerve until this point. But nowI’m going to demand—” my voice shakes a little bit on the force of theword, but I push past it—“that you tell us exactly what’s going on.”

It’s perhaps my imagination, but I sense Jodi and Katmoving in on either side of me, like bookends giving me support.

Lenny clears his throat. “Tim’s got bodyguards.”

“Well,” I say, sort of caught off guard, “naturally, he’sgot bodyguards. I don’t see what—”

“No, I mean, here. Now. Watching us,