The Country Wife William Wycherley (best classic books to read .txt) 📖

for no fault, poor tender creature! Pinchwife What, you would have her as impudent as yourself, as arrant a jilflirt, a gadder, a magpie; and to say all, a mere notorious town-woman? Alithea Brother, you are my only censurer; and the honour of your family will sooner suffer in your wife there than in me, though I take the innocent liberty of the town. Pinchwife Hark you, mistress, do not talk so before my wife.⁠—The innocent liberty of the town! Alithea Why, pray, who boasts of any intrigue with me? what lampoon has made my name notorious? what ill women frequent my lodgings? I keep no company with any women of scandalous reputations. Pinchwife No, you keep the men of scandalous reputations company. Alithea Where? would you not have me civil? answer ’em in a box at the plays, in the drawing-room at Whitehall, in St. James’-park, Mulberry-garden, or⁠— Pinchwife Hold, hold! Do not teach my wife where the men are to be found: I believe she’s the worse for your town-documents already. I bid you keep her in ignorance, as I do. Mrs. Pinchwife Indeed, be not angry with her, bud, she will tell me nothing of the town, though I ask her a thousand times a day. Pinchwife Then you are very inquisitive to know, I find? Mrs. Pinchwife Not I indeed, dear; I hate London. Our place-house in the country is worth a thousand of’t: would I were there again! Pinchwife So you shall, I warrant. But were you not talking of plays and players when I came in?⁠—To Alithea. You are her encourager in such discourses. Mrs. Pinchwife No, indeed, dear; she chid me just now for liking the playermen. Pinchwife Aside. Nay, if she be so innocent as to own to me her liking them, there is no hurt in’t.⁠—Aloud. Come, my poor rogue, but thou likest none better than me? Mrs. Pinchwife Yes, indeed, but I do. The playermen are finer folks. Pinchwife But you love none better than me? Mrs. Pinchwife You are my own dear bud, and I know you. I hate a stranger. Pinchwife Ay, my dear, you must love me only; and not be like the naughty town-women, who only hate their husbands, and love every man else; love plays, visits, fine coaches, fine clothes, fiddles, balls, treats, and so lead a wicked town-life. Mrs. Pinchwife Nay, if to enjoy all these things be a town-life, London is not so bad a place, dear. Pinchwife How! if you love me, you must hate London. Alithea The fool has forbid me discovering to her the pleasures of the town, and he is now setting her agog upon them himself. Aside. Mrs. Pinchwife But, husband, do the town-women love the playermen too? Pinchwife Yes, I warrant you. Mrs. Pinchwife Ay, I warrant you. Pinchwife Why, you do not, I hope? Mrs. Pinchwife No, no, bud. But why have we no playermen in the country? Pinchwife Ha!⁠—Mrs. Minx, ask me no more to go to a play. Mrs. Pinchwife Nay, why, love? I did not care for going: but when you forbid me, you make me, as ’twere, desire it. Alithea So ’twill be in other things, I warrant. Aside. Mrs. Pinchwife Pray let me go to a play, dear. Pinchwife Hold your peace, I wo’ not. Mrs. Pinchwife Why, love? Pinchwife Why, I’ll tell you. Alithea Nay, if he tell her, she’ll give him more cause to forbid her that place. Aside. Mrs. Pinchwife Pray why, dear? Pinchwife First, you like the actors; and the gallants may like you. Mrs. Pinchwife What, a homely country girl! No, bud, nobody will like me. Pinchwife I tell you yes, they may. Mrs. Pinchwife No, no, you jest⁠—I won’t believe you: I will go. Pinchwife I tell you then, that one of the lewdest fellows in town, who saw you there, told me he was in love with you. Mrs. Pinchwife Indeed! who, who, pray who was’t? Pinchwife I’ve gone too far, and slipped before I was aware; how overjoyed she is! Aside. Mrs. Pinchwife Was it any Hampshire gallant, any of our neighbours? I promise you, I am beholden to him. Pinchwife I promise you, you lie; for he would but ruin you, as he has done hundreds. He has no other love for women but that; such as he look upon women, like basilisks, but to destroy ’em. Mrs. Pinchwife Ay, but if he loves me, why should he ruin me? answer me to that. Methinks he should not, I would do him no harm. Alithea Ha! ha! ha! Pinchwife ’Tis very well; but I’ll keep him from doing you any harm, or me either. But here comes company; get you in, get you in. Mrs. Pinchwife But, pray, husband, is he a pretty gentleman that loves me? Pinchwife In, baggage, in. Thrusts her in, and shuts the door. Enter Sparkish and Harcourt. What, all the lewd libertines of the town brought to my lodging by this easy coxcomb! ’sdeath, I’ll not suffer it. Sparkish Here, Harcourt, do you approve my choice?⁠—To Alithea. Dear little rogue, I told you I’d bring you acquainted with all my friends, the wits and⁠—Harcourt salutes her. Pinchwife Ay, they shall know her, as well as you yourself will, I warrant you. Sparkish This is one of those, my pretty rogue, that are to dance at your wedding tomorrow; and him you must bid welcome ever, to what you and I have. Pinchwife Monstrous! Aside. Sparkish Harcourt, how dost thou like her, faith? Nay, dear, do not look down; I should hate to have a wife of mine out of countenance at anything. Pinchwife Wonderful! Aside. Sparkish Tell me, I say, Harcourt, how dost thou like her? Thou hast stared upon her enough, to resolve me. Harcourt So infinitely well, that I could wish I had a mistress too, that might differ from her in nothing but her love and engagement to you. Alithea Sir, Master Sparkish has often told me that his acquaintance were all wits and raillieurs, and now I find it. Sparkish No, by the universe, madam, he does not rally now; you may believe him. I do assure you, he is the honestest, worthiest, truehearted gentlemen⁠—a man of such perfect honour, he would say nothing to a lady he does not mean. Pinchwife Praising another man to his