Nelson's Lady Hamilton Meynell, Esther (read 50 shades of grey .txt) 📖

by desire of poor Thompson, to write you a line: not to assure you of his eternal love and affection for you and his dear child, but only to say that he is well and as happy as he can be, separated from all which he holds dear in this world. He has no thoughts separated from your love and your interest. They are united with his ; one fate, one destiny, he assures me, awaits you both. What can I say more ? Only to kiss his child for him : and love him as truly, sincerely, and faithfully as he does you; which is from the bottom of his soul. He desires that you will more and more attach yourself to dear Lady Hamilton."

Thus the Thompson fiction was varied; though with the excitability and lack of caution which might be expected from Nelson under such circumstances, the disguise at times wears very thin. But in one respect he showed considerable

292 NELSON'S LADY HAMILTON

self-control—he burnt all Lady Hamilton's letters to him at this time, and that is the reason we only possess his side of the correspondence. " I burn all your dear letters, because it is right for your sake," he told her on the ist of March, " and I wish you would burn all mine—they can do no good, and will do us both harm, if any seizure of them, or the dropping even one of them, would fill the mouths of the world sooner than we intend." Emma disobeyed his wishes in this respect, for she kept his letters to her, both those addressed to her as Mrs. Thompson and in her own name. Probably she felt unequal to the sacrifice of destroying them ; possibly— and the suspicion is not entirely unjustified in view of some of her later actions—she thought they might have some future value. There is every reason to believe that Nelson's love for her was far more deep-rooted, far more an essential part of his nature, than hers for him. It was his first and his only real passion: it was not hers—long ago Charles Greville had had the best of her heart.

In those letters to her, which are not primarily love-letters, Nelson says some fine and characteristic things. In one of them, dated February 8th, he writes—

" I am not in very good spirits; and, except that our Country demands all our services and abilities, to bring about an honourable Peace

nothing should prevent my being the bearer of my own letter. But, my dear friend, I know you are so true and loyal an Englishwoman, that you would hate those who would not stand forth in defence of our King, Laws, Religion, and all that is dear to us. It is your sex that make us go forth; and seem to tell us—' None but the brave deserve the fair!' and, if we fall, we still live in the hearts of those females, who are dear to us. It is your sex that rewards us; it is your sex who cherish our memories; and you, my dear, honoured friend, are, believe me, the first, the best of your sex. I have been the world around, and in every corner of it, and never yet saw your equal, or even one which could be put in comparison with you. You know how to reward virtue, honour, and courage; and never to ask if it is placed in a Prince, Duke, Lord, or Peasant." Lady Hamilton expressed her feelings about Nelson with her usual freedom to her intimate friend, Mrs. William Nelson, the wife of the admiral's brother. Writing towards the end of February, she says : " I received yesterday Letters from that great adored being, that we all so Love, esteem, and admire. The more one knows him, the more one wonders at his greatness; his heart, his head, booth so perfect." Then she indulges in a little outburst which reminds one of her statement many years earlier to Greville, that "the wild, unthinking Emma has turned philosopher."

" I miss our little friendly confidential chats,'* she tells Mrs. Nelson ; "but in this world nothing is compleat. If all went on smoothly, one shou'd regret quitting it, but 'tis the many little vexations and crosses, separations from one's dear friends, that makes one not regret leaving it."

Before going to the Baltic, Nelson had three days' leave of absence, and came up to London to see Emma, and—in secret—his child : the child that he already regarded with such passionate affection. In later times, while the little Horatia was still under the care of the foster-mother, Mrs. Gibson, she used to tell how Nelson, "often came alone, and played for hours with the infant on the floor, calling her his own child." It is a new aspect of Nelson's character, but the desire for a child to call his own had always been with him; and as he held his little Horatia upon his knee, he may have felt, in spite of that consuming passion for glory which had driven him all his life to great actions—

" How vainly men themselves amaze, To win the palm, the oak, or bays."

Records of this short visit are preserved in Emma's letters to Mrs. William Nelson. The day after his arrival she writes: <f Our dear Nelson is very well in health. Poor fellow, he travelled allmost all night, but you that know his great, good heart will not be surprised at an) act of friendship of his" The day after she