The Truth According to Ginny Moon Benjamin Ludwig (books to read in your 30s .txt) 📖

A police officer walks in front of me. I recoil. He crouches down next to me and asks if I’m all right. With my eyes closed I nod my head yes. He asks if I need help. I shake my head no. He stands up and says he’s sorry and asks if I know where I’m supposed to be. I nod my head yes again. He asks if I need help getting back to the game. I shake my head no. Then he says again that he’s sorry that he startled me. He wishes me good luck and walks away.

I look back to where Gloria was standing with the Other Ginny. She is gone. I look in every direction. I look at the doorway to the bathroom. I look at the exit sign.

The exit sign.

I run to it. I push past two people coming in and run outside into the parking lot. I slip on slushy ice but someone catches me. “Sorry,” I say in a quiet voice. Because it is freezing and the cold makes it hard to talk. I don’t have my coat or boots but I don’t care. I look across the sidewalk at all the cars in the parking lot. I look hard to find Gloria or the Other Ginny or the Green Car but I don’t see them.

Which means I am alone again. I am fourteen years old and still on the wrong side of the equal sign.

My hands are shaking and I am breathing fast because Gloria was here with another Ginny and neither of them had my Baby Doll but the Other Ginny had a picture of her. And of me. The Other Ginny smiled and showed me the picture but she didn’t let me have it. But where did they put my Baby Doll? Did they leave it in the car while they came inside?

Then I wonder if maybe Gloria is still in the building. Maybe she didn’t come out to the parking lot. I go back in.

Steam covers my glasses. I wipe them on my shirt and put them back on. I look and look but I don’t see Gloria or the Other Ginny anywhere.

“Hey there, Ginny,” someone says.

I look. Maura is coming toward me from down the hallway. Pushing a baby stroller. People move out of her way.

“I didn’t know if Wendy’s schedule would let us come, so I didn’t say anything,” she says, “but we really wanted to see you play. What are you doing out here? Is the first game over already?”

I look behind her. I look back at the exit sign. I look behind me and at the bathroom again.

“Ginny? Is the game over?”

“No,” I say.

“That’s great! Why don’t you walk me to the bleachers to find Brian? Wendy and I will stay as long as we possibly can.”

I look at Baby Wendy and grab my hair. I take three deep breaths just like Patrice taught me to do and then start walking back to the court. Maura follows me with the stroller. When I get there I see Brian. He is next to the bench holding out my water bottle. He waves to Maura and Baby Wendy.

“Here you go, Ginny,” he says. “Have some water. That was quite a fall you took! What happened out there?”

“I don’t know,” I say.

“Did you get confused?”

“Yes,” I say and look back up to where Gloria and the Other Ginny were sitting. The space is empty. I wonder if she saw Maura and decided to leave. Or if she got scared by the police.

“Hey, Ginny. Are you ready to play again?” says Coach Dan’s voice. I look up. He is standing with me and Maura and Brian. “Alison came in when you left, but Brenda is ready for a break. What do you say?”

I know that I look like a cave girl. I know that my mouth is open and my head is down and that I am thinking. I am not interacting. I am withdrawing. That’s what Patrice says. She says I withdraw when I am upset and that I don’t think of anything when I withdraw but what I’m really doing is thinking really, really hard.

Someone says, “Ginny, let’s go sit down in the stands. Did you hurt your head when you fell?”

Someone else’s voice says, “Come with us and take a break. You’ve done a great job so far. You’ve made your dad and sister and me really proud.”

It is Maura. She is talking to me. About Brian and Baby Wendy.

I shake my head no. “I want to play,” I say.

“You do?” says Brian.

I look at the numbers on my watch and nod my head yes. “I want to play basketball with the Lee Lancers. I want to help us win.” Even though there is no us. There is only them. I stole three cell phones from people on the team and I don’t care about Larry at all. I made Mrs. Wake go away at school and made Crystal with a C go to jail. And now Brian and Maura might send me away to Saint Genevieve’s Home for Girls Who Aren’t Safe. I have been replaced by a new Ginny. I am (-Ginny) and I don’t belong anywhere. I’m not allowed to be part of something but I still want to win. At anything. Just once.

Coach Dan looks in my eyes and asks me to follow his finger. I follow it. I growl a little like a Maine coon and then he does a shoulder shrug and says, “She looks fine to me. It’s all up to you.”

“It’s all up to you,” I say as well because this is like part of a movie. Only I don’t remember the name. It might be Teen Wolf or The Empire Strikes Back or High School Musical.

They let me play.

EXACTLY 4:03,

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23RD

At Grammy’s house we are having a celebration dinner. Because we won gold medals at the tournament.