The Shaving of Shagpat George Meredith (best memoirs of all time txt) 📖

I’ve no thought but for the chasing of this unlucky flea: was never flea like it in the world before this flea; and ’tis a flea to anger the holy ones, and make the saintly Dervish swear at such a flea.” He wriggled and curled where he sat, and Noorna cried, “What! shall we be defeated by a flea, we that would shave Shagpat, and release this city and the world from bondage?” And she looked up to the sky that was then without a cloud, blazing with the sun on his mid seat, and exclaimed, “O star of Shagpat! wilt thou constantly be in the ascendant, and defeat us, the liberators of men, with a flea?”

Now, whenever one of the twain, Baba Mustapha and the Vizier Feshnavat, commenced speaking of the dish of pomegranate grain, the torment of the flea took all tongue from him, and was destruction to the gravity of council and deliberation. The dish of pomegranate grain was brought to them by slaves, and the drug to induce sleep, yet neither could say aught concerning it, they were as jointy grasshoppers through the action of the flea, and the torment of the flea became a madness, they shrieking, “ ’Tis now with thee! ’Tis now with me! Fires of the damned on this flea!” In their extremity, they called to Allah for help, but no help came, save when they abandoned all speech concerning the dish of pomegranate grain, then were they for a moment eased of the flea. So Noorna recognized the presence of her enemy Karaz, and his malicious working; and she went and fetched a jar brimmed with water for the bath, and stirred it with her forefinger, and drew on it a flame from the rays of the sun till there rose up from the jar a white thick smoke. She rustled her raiment, making the wind of it collect round Baba Mustapha and Feshnavat, and did this till the sweat streamed from their brows and bodies, and they were sensible of peace and the absence of the flea. Then she whisked away the smoke, and they were attended by slaves with fresh robes, and were as new men, and sat together over the dish of pomegranate grain, praising the wisdom of Noorna and her power. Then Baba Mustapha revived in briskness, and cried, “Here the dish! and ’tis in my hands an instrument, an instrument of vengeance! and one to endow the skilful wielder of it with glory. And ’tis as I designed it⁠—sweet, seasoned, savoury⁠—a flattery to the eye and no deceiver to the palate. Wah! and such an instrument in the hands of the discerning and the dexterous, and the discreet and the judicious, and them gifted with determination, is’t not such as sufficeth for the overturning of empires and systems, O my mistress, fair one, sapphire of this city? And is’t not written that I shall beguile Shagpat by its means, and master the Event, and shame the King of Oolb and his Court? And I shall then sit in state among men, and surround myself with adornments and with slaves, mute, that speak not save at the signal, and are as statues round the cushions of their lord⁠—that’s myself. And I shall surround myself with the flatteries of wealth, and walk bewildered in silks and stuffs and perfumeries; and sweet young beauties shall I have about me, antelopes of grace, as I like them, and select them, long-eyed, lazy, fond of listening, and with bashful looks that timidly admire the dignity that’s in man.”

While he was prating Noorna took the dish in her lap, and folded her silvery feet beneath her, and commenced whipping into it the drug: and she whipped it dexterously and with equal division among the grain, whipping it and the flea with it, but she feigned not to mark the flea and whipped harder. Then took she colour and coloured it saffron, and laid over it gold-leaf, so that it glittered and was an enticing sight; and the dish was of gold, crusted over with devices and patterns, and heads of golden monsters, a ravishment of skill in him that executed it, cumbrous with ornate golden workmanship; likewise there were places round the dish for sticks of perfume and cups carved for the storing of perfumed pellets, and into these Noorna put myrrh and ambergris and rich incenses, aloes, sandalwood, prepared essences, diverse keen and sweet scents. Then when all was in readiness, she put the dish upon the knee of Baba Mustapha, and awoke him from his babbling reverie with a shout, and said, “An instrument verily, O Baba Mustapha! and art thou a cat to shave Shagpat with that tongue of thine?”

Now, he arose and made the sign of obedience and said, “ ’Tis well, O lady of grace and bright wit! and now for the cap of Shiraz and the Persian robe, and my twenty slaves and seven to follow me to the mansion of Shagpat. I’ll do: I’ll act.”

So she motioned to a slave to bring the cap of Shiraz and the Persian robe, and in these Baba Mustapha arrayed himself. Then called he for the twenty-and-seven slaves, and they were ranged, some to go before, some to follow him. And he was exalted, and made the cap of Shiraz nod in his conceit, crying, “Am I not leader in this complot? Wullahy! all bow to me and acknowledge it.” Then, to check himself, he called out sternly to the slaves, “Ho ye! forward to the mansion of Shagpat; and pass at a slow pace through the streets of the city⁠—solemnly, gravely, as before a potentate; then will the people inquire of ye, ‘Who’t is ye marshal, and what mighty one?’ and ye will answer, ‘He’s from the court of Shiraz, nothing less than a Vizier⁠—bearing homage to Shagpat, even this dish of pomegranate grain.’ ”

So they said, “To hear is to obey.”

Upon that he waved his hand and stalked