Beatrice: An Alarming Tale of British Murder and Woe Tedd Hawks (adult books to read .txt) 📖

late1890s, but this seems to be unrelated. As Earhart did interview Kordelia forthis book, it could simply be a literary fact taught only in Swiss learninginstitutions during that time period.

[11]Although an English stereotype, many Edwardian romances began with thediscussion of the favorite shape of a tea leaf. It often segued into innuendo,as the butt leaf and the clitoral frond were two of the most popular leafshapes of the period.

[12]The editor does apologize to brunettes. There is nothing in Earhart's journalswhich gives any insight into this bias.

[13]Interestingly enough, @badgrrlkinzay47 shares this penchant for manipulatingthe legal system. She was on the reality show I Faked My Death and GotPregnant, a bizarre cable program about those who not only fake their deathto claim insurance money, but also sleep with and bear the child of theinsurance agent they defrauded.

[14]This was the scene of the papercut and geyser-like spray of blood mentioned inthe introduction.

[15]Out-of-tune harpsichords are a terror in all time periods but especially so inthe Edwardian era.

[16] Abook entitled What Colour Is Your Spirit? was very popular at the timeof Earhart’s writing. In it, Miss Divina Q. Wellesley enumerates the color ofspirits based on an abstract (and largely arbitrary) number of things,including the kind of shoes one likes, the color of one’s nasal hair, and thenumber of shepherd’s pies one can eat in a fortnight.

[17]Earhart had inserted the whole song, however since it was from Crockett’s daysas a pickpocket, most of the lyrics were about “clubbing gadabouts” and otheracts of assault.

[18]The original text included the description of a piece of Crockett’s scalp beingtorn “from his head with the ease of a peel stripped from a banana”—for a scenewhich takes place on a bright June morning, this page was phenomenally violent.

[19]The editor feels compelled to add that, in addition to the blood and gore ofthe first draft of this book, Mr. Earhart also had an absurd number of hats onBeatrice’s fishbowl in that initial draft—bonnets, bowlers, top hats, even anAmerican-style campaign hat. Although in places humorous, accompanying many ofthe hats were diatribes into the state of English fashion, which were, to behonest, poorly informed and overly loquacious.

[20]This simile caused many questions for the editor, but, after much research, itwas discovered vis-a-vis Earhart’s diaries that his neighbor was a laundresswho shrieked loudly when she and her husband were intimate. This was a majorpain point for the author, as it often occurred at four o’clock when he likedto have tea.

[21]In Earhart’s notes, the author wrote lengthy, unnecessary details of Brontë'scharacter that included the information that she played both Juliet andJuliet’s nurse in the same production of the Bard’s famous play; additionally,her fourth toe was 3.2 mm longer than her second.

[22]The original description of Beatrice’s death was roughly three and one-halfpages of violence with a great (and frankly admirable) number of synonyms forfish entrails and innards. Although skimping on other research for the rest ofthe novel, he heavily invested in the anatomy of herring, spending threeparagraphs describing the fish’s “pyloric caeca.”

[23]This was actually the work Ben at Tea with Flag and Parchment on 4 July.The original portrait hangs in the Cincinnati Gallery of Fine and Less thanFine Art. It is still a top draw simply due to the gender confusion of theimage. It is often referred to as The Midwest’s Mona Lisa.

[24]Again, Earhart mistranslated another German rhyme, which actually is called “MyAunt Murdered a Llama with a Knife-Shaped Snake.’”

[25]In the original draft, Earhart used this space to tell a prolonged story of theblade’s history, including a largely fabricated story about how it was used byKing Richard II to shave a fox in a bet with the Duke of Scotland. Due to theegregious amount of historical errors in the story, it was deleted for thepublished draft. However, the editor would like to note that the fox’s name inthe tale was Gibbldybibbits, which seems worth mentioning here.

[26] If you have not completely given upon gathering clues in the mystery, here is the text of the original note fromchapter five—MyDearest Child, / It would appear that my fears were realized. In this event, Ihope this letter finds you and that history has not made the contents lessprecious. / If your father is dead, you must come home. Find me where I restand sing, like we used to, the old rhyme of “Duck Man of the Old Hat,” andthink of the games we played when you were young. / Although time is not kind,there is always a chance to make amends for past wrongs. I hope you will havethe insights and the ability to do so for myself and your father. / Love always,Mummy

[27]In times of great distress, a score of handkerchiefs was considered arespectable amount to use to show one's grief. Corinthiana’s twenty-three was,even for the time, a bit excessive.

[28]Corinthiana’s book What Colour Is Your Spirit? also had a section ondream analysis, which suggested that dreaming of pies actually belied a deepfrustration with one’s love life. The pie, then, could have been symbolic of Crockett’sown frustration in his relationship with Brontë. The book goes on to say a piecould also mean you are adopted, your grandfather is a bricklayer, or you aresimply hungry.

[29]At the urging of @badgrrlkinzay47, the editor is recommending everyone stop by“Bad Girl Meat Beats” a pop-up therapy shop in Idaho which specializes inmeat-based therapies. Ms. Sprout was so inspired by this scene in the originaldraft of the novel that she immediately earned her counseling license through aTibetan website so she could turn Martha’s hobby into a “Cathartic Meat-BashingIdahoian Experience.”

[30] TheFantastic Death of Captain Discord was never published. This line wasactually a plug for Earhart’s best friend’s novel which they thought would bepublished at the same time as Beatrice. It is rather fitting that whilemost great writers of this time period referenced Dante, Homer, the Bible, orone of the English Romantic poets, Earhart chose his third-rate writer buddy.

[31] Buttledto Death and The Murderer Is the Son are more references toEarhart’s friend’s works. These novels were actually published but only sold afew dozen copies, once again a bulk to Earhart’s