Short Fiction O. Henry (comprehension books TXT) 📖

face. I must have looked like I’d been having the fight of my life. I put the sack in a wagon and drove out to George’s cabin. When I halloed, he came out in a yellow dressing-gown, a Turkish cap and patent leather shoes. George always was a great dresser.

“I dumped the bundle to the ground.

“Sh-sh!’ says I, kind of wild in my way. ‘Take that and bury it, George, out somewhere behind your house⁠—bury it just like it is. And don⁠—’

“ ‘Don’t get excited,’ says George. ‘And for the Lord’s sake go and wash your hands and face and put on a clean shirt.’

“And he lights his pipe, while I drive away at a gallop. The next morning he drops around to our cottage, where my aunt was fiddling with her flowers and truck in the front yard. He bends himself and bows and makes compliments as he could do, when so disposed, and begs a rose bush from her, saying he had turned up a little land back of his cabin, and wanted to plant something on it by way of usefulness and ornament. So my aunt, flattered, pulls up one of her biggest by the roots and gives it to him. Afterward I see it growing where he planted it, in a place where the grass had been cleared off and the dirt levelled. But neither George nor me ever spoke of it to each other again.”

The moon rose higher, possibly drawing water from the sea, pixies from their dells and certainly more confidences from Simms Bell, the friend of a friend.

“There come a time, not long afterward,” he went on, “when I was able to do a good turn for George Ringo. George had made a little pile of money in beeves and he was up in Denver, and he showed up when I saw him, wearing deerskin vests, yellow shoes, clothes like the awnings in front of drug stores, and his hair dyed so blue that it looked black in the dark. He wrote me to come up there, quick⁠—that he needed me, and to bring the best outfit of clothes I had. I had ’em on when I got the letter, so I left on the next train. George was⁠—”

Bell stopped for half a minute, listening intently.

“I thought I heard a team coming down the road,” he explained. “George was at a summer resort on a lake near Denver and was putting on as many airs as he knew how. He had rented a little two-room cottage, and had a Chihuahua dog and a hammock and eight different kinds of walking sticks.

“ ‘Simms,’ he says to me, ‘there’s a widow woman here that’s pestering the soul out of me with her intentions. I can’t get out of her way. It ain’t that she ain’t handsome and agreeable, in a sort of style, but her attentions is serious, and I ain’t ready for to marry nobody and settle down. I can’t go to no festivity nor sit on the hotel piazza or mix in any of the society roundups, but what she cuts me out of the herd and puts her daily brand on me. I like this here place,’ goes on George, ‘and I’m making a hit here in the most censorious circles, so I don’t want to have to run away from it. So I sent for you.’

“ ‘What do you want me to do?’ I asks George.

“ ‘Why,’ says he, ‘I want you to head her off. I want you to cut me out. I want you to come to the rescue. Suppose you seen a wildcat about for to eat me, what would you do?’

“ ‘Go for it,’ says I.

“ ‘Correct,’ says George. ‘Then go for this Mrs. De Clinton the same.’

“ ‘How am I to do it?’ I asks. ‘By force and awfulness or in some gentler and less lurid manner?’

“ ‘Court her,’ George says, ‘get her off my trail. Feed her. Take her out in boats. Hang around her and stick to her. Get her mashed on you if you can. Some women are pretty big fools. Who knows but what she might take a fancy to you.’

“ ‘Had you ever thought,’ I asks, ‘of repressing your fatal fascinations in her presence; of squeezing a harsh note in the melody of your siren voice, of veiling your beauty⁠—in other words, of giving her the bounce yourself?’

“George sees no essence of sarcasm in my remark. He twists his moustache and looks at the points of his shoes.

“ ‘Well, Simms,’ he said, ‘you know how I am about the ladies. I can’t hurt none of their feelings. I’m, by nature, polite and esteemful of their intents and purposes. This Mrs. De Clinton don’t appear to be the suitable sort for me. Besides, I ain’t a marrying man by all means.’

“ ‘All right,’ said I, ‘I’ll do the best I can in the case.’

“So I bought a new outfit of clothes and a book on etiquette and made a dead set for Mrs. De Clinton. She was a fine-looking woman, cheerful and gay. At first, I almost had to hobble her to keep her from loping around at George’s heels; but finally I got her so she seemed glad to go riding with me and sailing on the lake; and she seemed real hurt on the mornings when I forgot to send her a bunch of flowers. Still, I didn’t like the way she looked at George, sometimes, out of the corner of her eye. George was having a fine time now, going with the whole bunch just as he pleased. Yes’m,” continued Bell, “she certainly was a fine-looking woman at that time. She’s changed some since, as you might have noticed at the supper table.”

“What!” I exclaimed.

“I married Mrs. De Clinton,” went on Bell. “One evening while we were up at the lake. When I told George about it, he opened his mouth and I thought he was going to break our traditions and say something grateful, but he swallowed it back.

“ ‘All right,’ says he, playing