Unspoken: A story of secrets, love and revenge T. Belshaw (good books to read for beginners txt) 📖

His angry voice tore into my dozing brain, but I refused to reply.

He nudged me hard in the back with his elbow, when I didn’t respond to that, he grabbed my shoulder and dragged me onto my back.

‘I said—’

‘I heard you, now shut up. I don’t need a refrain.’

I regretted saying it the moment I closed my mouth. I tried to turn over again, but he was suddenly sitting astride me with his face so close to mine that I could smell the whisky on his breath, he must have discovered some of my father’s stash. He used to hide it everywhere in the early days, before I finally gave in to the inevitable, I had tried to limit his consumption.

‘You’re a lazy cow, what are you?’

Frank straightened up and I put both my hands on his chest to try to push him off, but he grabbed my wrists, forced them onto the pillow either side of my head, and laughed at me. I felt salty tears of frustration in my eyes as I struggled to get my hands free. It was hopeless, he was far too strong. He leaned in again and sniffed at my neck.

‘Why aren’t you wearing your special, expensive perfume for me? I’m disappointed, Alice. Do you only wear it for that queer lawyer of yours?’

I remained silent. It wasn’t an argument I wanted to get into with him in this mood.

My silence only made him angrier. ‘I saw you kiss him, what else have you been up to behind my back?’

I had to answer that one.

‘Frank, don’t be stupid all of your life, have one day off at least. When am I supposed to have done all of this? I met him for the first time when I was nine months’ pregnant, since then I haven’t stopped bleeding. Is that the sort of thing you think a queer man might like to see?’

He eased his backside into the air, then slid back about a foot. He grabbed hold of my nightdress at the neck and tore it apart, exposing my leaking breasts. ‘Did you show him these?’ he shouted.

I felt totally humiliated.

‘You call yourself a man, Frank. I’ve told you this before but obviously the message didn’t get through that thick skull of yours. Men don’t do things like this to women. They don’t take advantage of them when they can’t defend themselves. They don’t abuse them; they don’t get so insanely jealous that they lose every modicum of self-respect they ever possessed. Now get off me. If you don’t stop this now, the police will get involved, and so will my lawyer friend, so think on.’

‘The police will never get involved in a domestic,’ he sneered.

I knew he was right. Our local sergeant was notorious for bragging about how he kept his wife in check. The threat of the lawyer becoming involved was a different matter though. I could see the doubt on his face as he thought about the ramifications.

Frank rolled off me, called me a disgusting tart, then turned his back and muttered himself to sleep. The row had woken Martha, she lay in her basket making niggly noises until I picked her up and put her to my shoulder, at which time, she wailed like a banshee.

‘Take that brat downstairs, I’m trying to sleep here,’ Frank moaned.

‘Are you really? Well, Frank, I was trying to sleep when you came up, but that didn’t bother you.’ I walked around the room with Martha at my shoulder, the place she least liked to be. Her wailing continued until Miriam tapped on the bedroom door, to see if she could help.

‘No, it’s all right, Miriam, we’re fine,’ I lied.

Ten minutes later, Frank dragged himself out of bed, pulling the eiderdown with him. He yanked open the door, and went down the passage to one of the spare bedrooms. He must have slept on the floor, because there were no beds in either of them.

I sat on the end of the bed and put Martha to my leaking breast. She didn’t bother suckling, but she licked at the wet nipple and quietened. Miriam went back to bed and I sat up for another ten minutes waiting for Martha to fall asleep, then I put her into her basket and climbed back into bed.

Miriam must have sneaked into my room to give her the three o’clock feed, because I knew nothing else until nine the next morning.

Chapter 68

July 1938

On Friday, just after breakfast, I telephoned my father’s insurance company to make a claim. The company office was in Gillingham. I told the receptionist that it would be a difficult journey for me as I had a new-born. She immediately arranged for one of their insurance agents to visit me at home the following Tuesday morning. I told her I was interested in obtaining insurance on my own life and she said he would let me know my options during the appointment. I thanked her for her help and she wished me good luck with Martha.

When I returned to the kitchen, I found that Miriam had taken Martha out into the yard. I was about to go out myself, when Frank stepped out of the parlour. I hadn’t seen him since Wednesday night because he was at work before I got up, and came back in after I had gone to bed. He had made no attempt to come into my room on the Thursday night. Miriam and I had shared feeding duties.

‘Alice,’ he nodded to me.

I ignored him.

He took a step closer. I took a step back.

‘Alice,’ he began again.

I tried to keep my voice calm and measured. I didn’t want to set him off again.

‘What do you want, Frank?’

‘I shouldn’t have said that about Martha, I do love her.’

‘Okay… so, you are sorry for calling Martha a brat, but not sorry for calling me a tart, for ripping my clothes off and for scaring me half to