Club You to Death Anuja Chauhan (best ebook reader for ubuntu .TXT) 📖

Now this wasn’t a bad deal at all. The Ruias are super super wealthy and very powerful. Gagan’s an oaf, of course, but it was a ‘Prince for my Princess’ match all over again. And I was sick of the Ghia-Lauki gang feeling sorry for me. And so DONE with my parents. And with romance. Besides, unlike Anshul, Gagan is actually quite stupid and biddable and easy to control. Also, if I married him, I thought I could actually have a shot at redemption! Do something good on a mega scale with my life. For women like Ganga and all, you know? Like legit good social work, the kind you and your GF do. Something that would make you look at me with respect! Maybe I could even join politics? I’d make a damn good politician, everybody always likes me – it’s because I’m so tender-hearted and sweet.

Anyway, right after Gagan and his dad made the rishtaa formally and we accepted (secretly, because I told them the Poddars would feel bad if we made a big announcement) bloody Leo bounced back into my life and told me I had to MARRY HIM!

Like, WTF?

He said he felt personally responsible for my salvation and my soul and wanted us to spend our lives together!

!!!!!

Of course, I was smart enough to recognize this as complete cock. He was just a bloody social climber – obsessed in a weird love-hate way with the DTC and being a legit member of Delhi High Society. He had got his hooks into me, and was planning to simultaneously leech off me and preach to me till I died. So, I decided it was MUCH better if HE died.

(That’s the other thing with killing people. If you’ve done it once, it’s always on your list of available options. It’s the last option, of course, if you’re essentially a good person, like I am, but it’s an option nonetheless.)

But I wasn’t sure of how and when to do it …

Then Urvashi auntie became obsessed with her rainwater-harvesting system and wanted to instal it in the kitchen garden of all places! I couldn’t have them digging that thing up and discovering the bones of rapist Anshul – whom I’d been fake-mourning for three years!

I liked Urvashi auntie, but I didn’t know how to stop her – so when Mukki uncle got into a big fight with Leo on Tambola Sunday, I figured it was the perfect time. If I bumped Leo off that very night, while the memory of the quarrel was fresh on everybody’s mind, there would be so much whispering about Mukki uncle having maybe done it, what with his late-night gymming and everything, that she’d be sure to lose the election!

Arya had already slipped me some Pinko Hathni in a fit of generosity – he likes me, always has, ever since I was dumb enough to hook up with him on the library terrace that one time. He probably doesn’t even remember giving it to me, he was so high at the time. I had taken it out of sheer politeness, but then I started thinking that it may be the perfect thing to use on Leo …

Meeting you that day threw me off slightly. But then you pissed me off by seeming so fond of Leo, and flexing so much about how happy you were with your new chick that I was like, okay, theek hai, I’ve made my slimy bed and now I’m just gonna have to lie in it.

Murder is much easier if you know you’re going to commit it twenty-four hours in advance. Urvashi auntie had already placed the balloons perfectly. I had a key to the gym – it used to be the plants nursery before it was renovated into the gym and the lock on the door was the same. All I had to do was sneak out of the house over the back wall, walk across the road all bundled up in a dull shawl, release the balloons through the window that didn’t lock, open the gym with my old key, pour the Pinko into the flask and walk out again. I was home in under ten minutes.

Of course, I was super lucky, but I think if you’re killing total assholes then luck tends to be on your side.

I slept fitfully. At about 3 a.m. I woke up all clammy and shivering and had a panic attack, and thought about dashing across the road and emptying the contents of the flask into the bathroom sink. I even dreamt I did that, and the relief was exquisite. But then I woke up again … and made myself think about a whole life with Leo in it, having to listen to his religious homilies, his double standards, his obsession with class and caste, his preaching and his leeching, the power he would always have over me … and that made me strong again.

I lay in bed and pictured him riding his Hayabusa into the Club – he was as punctual as fuck – parking it, entering the gym, glugging down the Creatine …

I was probably in the shower, getting ready to show up all innocently for the six-thirty class, when the bar rolled onto his windpipe …

I didn’t feel guilty at all, not even at the church funeral – he totally had it coming.

I was now all set to reinvent myself, marry biddable Gagan Ruia, and get on with my plan to empower deserving young women like Ganga. But then two things happened.

ACP Bhavani Singh rolled up, cute as a chikoo and keen as a cheel, and I was rattled. I hadn’t thought that Delhi Police could actually be efficient. I’d thought they were all idiots. I mean they’re always in the papers for either being spectacularly incompetent or spectacularly violent.

And the other thing I hadn’t bargained for was the return of my feelings for you. You know how a Chocolava cake