Club You to Death Anuja Chauhan (best ebook reader for ubuntu .TXT) 📖

collapses and oozes molten chocolate when you just touch it with a spoon? Ya, suddenly that was me every time you even looked in my direction. I think it’s because I thought I’d burnt my boats with you – dumping you for Anshul so badly – and when I realized that you weren’t bitter, and that you didn’t hate me, and that you’d even found it in your heart to forgive me, I just … I fell in love with you again. I guess my class-twelve psychology teacher would say you represent the simple, innocent world I’d inhabited before I started murdering people. Or maybe I had PTSD, like the soldiers in Iraq. At the Club that Monday morning, when I’d just found out that the Pinko had worked and that Leo was dead, I felt so drawn to your sweet, clean decency that I collapsed in your arms, sobbing.

Basically, I suddenly couldn’t manage without you any more. I needed you like a drug – you were the only thing keeping me sane. I knew you had a girlfriend now, and a life of your own, but I sought you out like you were my Pinko Hathni.

And then chikoo-cheel Bhavani and you teamed up! What a mindfuck!

I almost told you the whole story the evening you came to my bedroom and asked me about that stupid ‘Secrets’ song. That song had been typical, sadistic Leo chutiyapa – he loved to watch people squirm, it was all part of his ‘penance’ shit – and of course Bhavani zoomed in on it at once. But I thought fast. I told you Leo had been blackmailing me because of Mammu’s kleptomania – she is a klepto, of course, but only Paapu and I knew it, so I thought I might as well throw her under the bus. It worked out pretty well, because not only did you buy it, you also got all protective and gooey-eyed around me – the way you used to be before I dumped you for rapist Anshul. And Bhavani bought it too – and I was safe again.

But then Bhavani dug up that video of Guppie Ram ji talking about a body pushing up beetroots in the damn kitchen garden …

The moment I heard about that, I panicked. I knew nothing about DNA testing, I had no idea how much of Anshul’s body would have wasted away, or what would be left of it. I was too scared too google it, in case somebody was monitoring my search history … I decided the only thing I could do was somehow make everybody believe that rapist Anshul had survived the Garhwal accident and was still alive. If he were alive and stalking me, he couldn’t possibly be pushing up beets in a vegetable patch, could he? And so I wrote those letters, and pretended I’d been getting them for over two years.

Looking back, it was probably a silly move – it attracted Bhavani’s attention to the Anshul angle, but I think he had been suspecting the body was Anshul’s ever since he found those blue shards in the mud with the skeleton …

But then I realized pervy Arya had been peeking at me through the peephole in the Rose Garden loo, and I thought he could be useful. So I worked him into my jealous stalker story.

When Ganga’s husband showed up alive, I had to act fast because now everybody was asking, well, if it isn’t Ajay Kumar in the beetroot patch, then who is it? And I knew Bhavani wouldn’t take too long to figure out it might be Anshul …

So I dropped something on my shorts and lured pervy Arya back to the Rose Garden loo again, then ‘caught’ him peeking at me through the peephole while I washed them, dressed only in a T-shirt and panties, and yelled at him so badly that he went straight home and OD’d. Just like I had hoped.

But it turns out he couldn’t do even that properly!

He’s SO pathetic.

I’d planned to plant a suicide note confessing to both the murders in his bedroom when I visited his home after he died – written in the same style as the anonymous ‘A to my B’ letters I’d stuck on my windshield. It was really sensitive and would have made Roshni auntie cry buckets and given her the perfect closure – but of course I never got to use it and tie a neat bow on this whole mess.

Arya really is quite useless!

And Bhavani Singh is really quite a chalaak chikoo. Look how he figured out that stuff about Urvashi auntie’s baby! And how he got me to confess by pretending he thought you’d done it.

He’d figured out you’re my real weak spot. Not Gagan Ruia, I barely even think about him any more – he was always a dose of isabgol, anyway. Besides, his evil father’s made him drop me like a hot potato, anyway. TBH, every time I talked to Gagan, I wondered how I would live out my whole life with such a boring man – but then I decided that if he became too irritating, I could bump him off in some clever way. Make a clean hat-trick of it.

Ganga still loves me. She says I’m her heroine. And that when I get out of jail I should join politics. She says that all I ever did was rid the world of a few assholes. Rapist Anshul, Blackmailer Leo. And let’s face it, nobody – not even his mom – would’ve really missed Stoner Arya. It’s not like he’s going to kick his addictions and find a cure for cancer tomorrow.

And General Mehra’s killed more human beings than me and he’s been awarded medals for it!

I’m actually a really good person.

I’m sure the courts will see it my way.

It turns out that Bhavani didn’t really have any proof against me – he was just acting on a hunch he got after snooping around in the building where Anshul