Listen to your Heart by Forever.anynomus (electronic reader txt) 📖

Obsessed

I carve into my leg your name because I'm over obsessed and insane, I grab the lithium and take a shot. Before the world turns black the world starts spinning, I stare at the face in the wall, I begin to think how it's so easy for you to tell me you love me, to say your thinking of me I guess some words are just so easy to say. I've been thinking about everything that's gone down lately and it all makes me sick to my stomach, I have no more tears to cry. The voices in my head are telling me that I've over stayed my welcome, and maybe there right because the pain feels so real. And now my love, give me a long kiss good-night and tell me everything will be alright, you tell me I won't feel a thing as you slip me the Novocain. As you walk away I'll drift away into a deep sleep, numb but not cold, alone but surrounded, hurt but not in pain, leaving but not gone. When I sleep I dream of things that make me smile, when I wake I think of things that make me wonder, so don't follow me to this world of grief, I'm lost in thoughts no child should think. Don't tell me you love me when your breaking my heart, never say forever because it always falls apart, don't tell me good-bye 'cuz I'll see you again. Remember I said I'll love you until the very end?


Death note

As I lay and watch the clouds roll bye
I’m amazed how bright stars can shine from so far away
As the wind blows
I wonder where it goes
Someday when I look in the mirror
The girl I see will be me
Everyone I know
I know nothing about
So I ask myself why
Why do I make myself cry
But its always a question with out an answer
So now i’m done
Leaving with a battle unwon
Walking away with nothing left to say
I’ll fly to the moon
I’ll dance in the rain
And just like a fool forget how to breath
Some times good-byes the only way
The sun will still shine
The moon will still glow
The stars will stay bright and make light in the night
When i’m gone don’t feel my pain
What I ask is that you remember my name
Smilie love life
Chances are love won’t change the earth
Peace won’t fill the world
And time has an end for every one
So don’t remember my pain
Don’t embrace my shame
Please the last thing I ask was the last thing I said
It wasn’t a question
It was just a request
Look me in the eyes
And admit all your lies
Tell me you love me
And i’ll tell you good bye


=)

Tell me you love me.....

even though you don’t.

Tell me you’ll need me.....

even though you won’t.

Tell me forever & always......

even though theres no such thing.

And I’ll wear a smile.....

even though its the one you gave me.


Her

I never cared much for living happily ever after; I just want a happy ending. I never needed a fairy tale romance or a dream come true all I wanted was him. In the back of the bus, we would have fun times, the taste of sugar and sweets grew bitter when compared to his lips; the stars looked dull when compared to his eyes. As our high came down and my head started to spin, I'd lay on his chest listening to the beat of his heart completely in synch with mine, my favorite song. He would play with my hair and kiss my cheek he made my knees go weak. In the middle of the night, our fun would continue as we tried not to wake up my sleeping mother and snarling dad. We inhaled a thin sheet of white dust, smoke, and crushed pills, we raved all night until the morning would come.. In my heart, I thought nothing would change, but in the back of my head, I knew I’ve slowly gone insane. A thought that stopped me in my tracks, were we in love or was it just a game?
I felt him kiss her, when his lips touched mine.
I got chills when he would hold her hand, as he traced a heart on mine,
I heard him tell her he loved her over a million times, every time he looked me in the eyes,
I saw him smile when she showed right after I left,
I'm not her, and never will be.
All I want is for him to be happy.
I'll forget about him, I'll forget about us
I’ll stop this lust with a razor in rust, I’ll forget you my love so true I will prevent all my pain with one strait arm and a tightly clinched fist biting in a faded old rag the way it will end it will only bring shame....
I have no regrets, I played the love game,
I will never be her, I will never see strait, I'm high as hell flying to heaven's gates. But they won’t let me in, I'm no angel without him.
I'll plummet to the ground and won't die from the fall, just the stop at....
The End xxxx


Dear Diary.

I've realized that no matter how thick the mask is, it can still chip; that no matter how dark the paint is, it can still fade...

My head hurts, my heart pissed, fighting back tears was so much easier a week ago. I'm sick of feeling like a clown with this fake ass smile plastered on my face. I wish could tell you why, but I don't believe you'll ever understand, or I know you will try to and I don't want your help because I love the pain I love the depression I love the anger.

Its been same shit different day crying my self to sleep every night. I think I hit rock bottom with my depression, haha I prefer mental pain then physical its gotten easier to hide. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I guess I'll just take a deep breath and say fuck it life can only go up from here.....right?


Pain

A handful of different colors, afew shots of something cold that warms the back of your throat, anger shot strait at god becuase theres no one else to blame, then asking for his love and to end this suffering, eyes burned from falling tears, hands shaking from all these years, throw me the keys and dare me to drive, god give me a reason die, high as hell flying to heavens gates they won't let me stay, i’m no angle with out you not even an angle could see but your were my only reason I had left to be... so make me wait make me feel like its never to late... say forever & always i know its not true but it would be comeing from you... I wear a smile beacuse i'm liveing in denail, thinking of life as if you were not suicidal...


Its over

times ment to pass, love has to fade, hate always grows,
thats what i've come to know.
hope is pointless, faith is useless, trust only hurts,
and the hurts here to stay.
i miss the feelings of happiness, you were my everyday dose of alittle bliss.
pain i've come to know, alone i've learned to love, death seems like such a thrill.
so much time left to kill, my silent way i loathe her

...i can't believe its over


Untitled

Learn to love no one, its easier to hate only myself. kill all of my dreams before they kill me. everyone seems to judge before the names get exchanged. empty and alone, lacking emotions, matter, and mass.
a face staring blankly, haunted by what should be left in the past.

scream to the so called heaven, cut so i can bleed to the so called hell. speak my so called mind. laugh to my no one. sit in the coner and hide in the dark hug my own knees and hum a soft tune. I am lost in my head. my heart's made of lead. I'm going insane I feel no pain.

left without reason, left asking why...
ignore the voices i guess they are here to stay.
whatching all the colors of life fading away.
dying is easier than having to live too bad i had nothing i was willing to give.

but does anyone really understands?
happily ever after always comes at the end...


Answer me...

Do we have a bad connection? Can you not hear me? I'm calling out to you, screaming your name, and I get no reply. You say I can be forgiven for all of my sin for the mistake in my past I've changed I'm no longer the same. So why am I still apologizing? Why when I see the light to heaven I'm fooled by the flame of hell? You sent me an Angel but now your taking him away. My better half is fading to gray. The only one that saw the good in me that one that made me better. I wanna change give me my angle back and I promise I will.
I see why you won't answer me why your taking him away; Because I've said it before; But listen to me lord if you really are there I've never had a real reason to care. I had my angle and now he's gone he's flying away and I'll do anything to make him stay I've changed my ways and I'll never go back let me have my happy ending give me back what I don't diverse. I promise I swear I give you my word. If you give me a chance I will make you so proud your angle will keep my feet on the ground I'll never get high I'll never fall down. Don't you understand I don't want to take an angle from you I just need him more right now.


What would you do?

If I put a cig in my mouth, would you tell me to take it out?
Its okay if you did because I would...
If I put weed in a pipe, would you tell me not to fade away?
Its okay I understand because for you I’d rather stay...
If I put the bottle to my mouth, would you tell me its not the way?
Its okay because I’ve always been bad with directions...
If I put a needle to my arm, would you at it away?
Its okay you right because I don’t really need it...
{I wish}
What would you do?
If I put a cig in my mouth, would you light it?
Its alright because you hate when I’m mad...
If I put weed in a pipe, would you watch as I fade away?
Its alright I don't blame you because your already gone...
If I put the bottle to my mouth, would you tell me to pass it your way?
Its alright I guess because we both know where were going...
If I put the needle to my arm, would you help me put it in?
Its alright I understand because your next for the pen...
{Nothing