Understanding by Allan Deya (inspirational novels .TXT) 📖

Now!
7 years later and it's my fault?
You’re the one who left remember,
You are the one who walked out the door.
Left me holding empty promises
Left me with little but bitter memories.
Abandoned me with sweet regret,
Not a muscle flinched, nor a trace of a fret.


I’m the one, who got left behind here,
I’m the one that begged; the one that pleaded.
I’m the one who asked you to stay,
I’m the one that prayed it was a jest.
I’m the one that wanted to cry; I am the one who almost died.


Said it wasn’t enough, said I wasn’t enough.
You wanted the fast life;
The money and the fame
Loose morals and the good game.
I was too young, I was too ‘not for you.’


It was a hard blow that;
More difficult that anything I had ever faced,
More painful than what I had imagined would be heart break.


I told everyone I was okay,
I said I was too proud to cry,
Too man to ask you why.
You made your choice now I had to make mine.
But that is a lie isn't it?
Because by making your choice, I had no option but to make mine.


It was hard at first
I’ll give you that.
I heard jokes and was on my phone
Looking to share a laugh with you.
I had a dream and I was on the line
Wanting to hear you.
I fell and hurt
And I was on my feet; coming to see you.


I soldiered on these 7 years
Though most mornings I wished I wouldn’t.
7 years of heart ache and pain.
7 years of hate and of disdain.
7 years of mistrust and misplaced
Anger, remorse, temper and rage.


But like every storm this one had to pass
It had it's time and now it's past the prime.
Past the raging waters of my eyes
And the howling screams of my soul.
Over the cold damp place where my heart used to be
To clear green waters
Where the birds sing and the sun shines free.


I sailed,
A solitary vessel; a singular voyager
One hope, one dream
One heart, one sin.
To Hope;
My greatest win
For out of all this, a new light became seen.


I feel I can smile again and not be bilk
Say I am happy and not have it be pretend.
I can look at her and not wish it was you.
I can be with her and not hate you.


Is this what it means to finally be free?
Is she what I need to get back to being me?
I don’t know; I surely cannot say.
But the one thing I do believe the one that every night I pray
Is that where you are, you left me for this.


That’s why I don’t hate you,
Even if I wanted to I couldn’t.
Because now I get it; now I see.
If this is love then this is right.
No matter how you get it; no matter who you leave.
If this is what you found, if this is it
Then all I can do is thank you
And wish you longer living still.

Text: The words and the emotions herein belong to that point in time when my heart had ceased to beat.
Publication Date: 07-27-2010

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To all the ones who were and are no more.