Murmerings of Pain and Hope by Meowinparis (good book club books txt) 📖

I Am Strong….

The suffering is difficult, but cannot overtake me.
I am strong.
I miss the people I love.
I miss the life I lost.
I miss the normal child I used to be.
I can no longer be a child, because bad things keep happening,
Unceasingly.
My heart hurts, and I die a little inside, when these things occur.
It’s hard,
But I am strong.
It’s not fair,
I was young, I AM young,
But I am strong.
In poker, you get bad hands.
In my life, I’ve gotten several.
But I believe I will make it,
Because I am strong.
Maybe, because I’ve had it so tough,
Everything else will come easy.
I’ve learned a lot young,
Because I needed to,
Or I would not be here.
So maybe that’ll help.
I hope so.
Because I am strong….


My heart hurts….


I hate avoidance, but I can’t seem to avoid it

The nights are cold.
I can feel the rain, and I wish it could wash away the pain.
But it doesn’t.
I want to cry.
But I can’t.
I want to feel the wet warmth on my cheeks that means that I can feel,
That means I am real.


You try and try, but you absolutely cannot decide.
It’s unbelievable, how difficult life can be.
You cry, and nothing happens.
You run and try to disappear.
It never happens for you, though.
You try and try so hard, just to forget.
But you can’t because of the people
People are so insensitive.
They bring it up, force you to talk about it,
And even though you are sad,
They ignore your tears and push on
And on, until you are driven mad with the pain
They don’t see it though, because you put up your walls.
Walls that absolutely nothing could ever penetrate.
The mere fact that your walls are so tough,
Is what is destroying you.
The pressure on the inside is so great.
It’s quickly becoming too much.
It’s strange.
You WANT to break.
That’s all you want.
You want to cry and you never want to stop.
You want to cry until you don’t feel sad anymore.
Is it possible?
To not feel guilt?
To forget the past?
I don’t know,
But I can’t help but to hope.

She watches them from behind a tree. She tried to escape, but he wouldn’t let her go. He held on because he loved her, but his love was destructive. He was tearing her apart because that’s the only way he knew. But now she is free. It came at a cost. But now she is free.


Steal the pain?

I prayed today.
I prayed that people could stop hurting.
I apologized to god for my anger and all of the hatred
I’ve held it all inside.
I told him that I’m sorry.
But I’m too scared to trust him.
I prayed that, since I’m already a pariah,
He can give me the world’s pain.
I want to be the only one on the planet who hurts,
If it means that everyone else can be happy.
I’m sick of hearing sad stories, and the horrors others face
Everyday.
I want their pain, so they don’t feel it.
I want to steal it
I want it so they can’t have it.
I’m ok with the pain.
I’m used to it.
I don’t want others to turn out like me.
Everyone should be happy.
I wish it worked that way.

Publication Date: 08-15-2010

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