Never Ending Humorous Poems by Tasha (ebook offline reader .txt) 📖

/> What makes a poem a poem?
Maybe I'll answer this one
After I figure out what makes a poem humorous
A Grand Excuse

The giant frog monster thing
Oh what joy did he not bring
It grabbed me by my pink dress
It wanted to eat me, I guess
My parents were shooting
I was hollering and hooting

They shot at her stomach
She was as big as a hummock
Blood trickled down
But soon we'll run her out of town

They shot at her arm
We should lock her up in a funny farm
Blood trickled to the floor
This is one event full of gore

Finally they shot her in a vulnerable place
Down she went but still held on to my lace
My parents pried me from her cold dead hands
I gave them a hug that was oh so grand

So, this is why I didn’t show up for school
Please dear teacher, I didn't break the rules
This grand excuse is very true
Oh please! Not detention! Boo! Hoo! Hoo!

A Great Bubble Disgrace

I will not stop blowing
I'm on the path to a world record
I'll blow and blow until my mouth fall off
I'm starting to get bored

Soon the bubble was as big as my head
But I blew, I blew, I blew still more
Sleep began to overcome me
I started to dread
I was practically beginning to snore

But still I kept blowing
Blowing my breath into the gum
I dared not to stop pursuing
I began to get pretty glum

Pop! Went the bubble
And my world record
I searched for my face
Underneath all the pink rubble

I fell asleep with pink gum on my face
What's the point?
I'm already a great bubble disgrace
I felt someone carrying me
They popped me on my bed and silently embraced
I suddenly fell into a deep deep sleep
Unaware of my recent failure, I saw prancing sheeps

A Thousand Word Circle

A picture's worth a thousand words
So is a thousand words worth a picture?
Can one really write a thousand words about a picture?
What if the picture is of a circle?
Can a thousand words describe a circle?
Let's try

Circle
Curved
One never-ending line
This is describing a circle

Round
A shape
No sides
This is describing a circle

Cookie
Doughnut
Bagel
This is describing a circle

Pizza
Fan
Button
This is describing a circle

An O
Door knob


It's a sad day when a writer runs out of words
The question goes unanswered
Can a thousand words describe a circle?

Eyebrows

Child-Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
Mother-I suppose so
Child-But they barely even blow in the air
Mother-But it's hair on your face
Child-I think they're just there to take up space
Mother-You know what? Go ask your teacher
Child-Why won't you answer my question about this marvelous feature?
Mother-I don't know the answer, now leave me be
Child-If you answer my question then I'll let you go free
Mother-Just go ask your father
Father-Don't ask me! I'm too tired to bother!
Child-Does anybody know the answer to my question?
Child-You know, as parents, you all don't make good impressions

Jack Cracked A Back

There once was a boy named Jack
One day he walked to the park
As he was walking, he stepped on a crack
After the park he walked right on home
He ran into the house eager to eat lunch
"Mom?" He called, and immediately found her
She was in the kitchen, but all in a hunch
He didn't know what to do about this situation
He dialed 911 on the cordless phone
"Something's wrong with my mother!"
He gave his name and address in a groan
'We'll be right over," replied a woman's voice
He heard an ambulance screeching down the street
A doctor rushed in, mightily quickly
"Oh my..." she said without even a greet
"What's happened?" Jack asked, very upset
"Your mother's back is broken, Jack."
"You think?" his mother asked
"Ma'am, your son must have stepped on a crack."
"I thought that was fake!" cried Jack.

One, Two, Three Little Monkeys

One little monkey jumping on the bed
He fell off and bumped his head
On the floor his skin did shed
One little monkey filled with dread
Mama called the doctor, the doctor said
"Do it again and you'll be dead!"

Two little monkeys eating moldy bread
They got sick and hurting was their head
Their whole hearts felt like lead
Two little monkeys filled with dread
Mama called the doctor, the doctor said
"Eat it again and you'll be dead!"

Three little monkeys smoking that weed
They were all just filled with greed
They began to fight and skin they shed
They began to bite and blood they bled
Mama called the doctor, the doctor said
"Too late miss, all three are dead!"

The Jazz Playing Witch

Once upon a time there lived an old lady
The old lady was named o'grady
She was a witch, that's what she was known as
She was a witch that liked to play jazz
The music of jazz helped her cast spells
She especially liked to rearrange cells

So, one day a rat crept into her house
It crept up her leg and ruined her blouse
She grabbed it by the tail and locked it in a cage
Oh, the poor rat, he was filled with rage
She played her jazz music all over the place
She played, and played, and played with grace
Misty clouds filled the house, known as fog
Soon they disappeared and the rat was now a frog

O'grady plopped the frog into her soup
The last ingredient needed to make a nice suit
You see, she was making a suit because she was being sued
She had to appear in court that day,
She knew that she was screwed

Then, she received a mysterious call
The person said, "Turns out you were not the person in the brawl!"
"I told you!" She cried. "I told you all!"

Once again she played her jazz
Turned the frog back into a rat
Let him free back into the world
Knowing that now she had a friend to chat
She was happy as can be and twisted and twirled

And so ends the tell of o'grady
Who lived once upon a time as an old lady
She was a witch, that's what she was known as
Who liked to cast spells while using jazz