THE TRUTH? by David L. Mullins Jr (book recommendations for young adults .TXT) 📖

It was my twelfth birthday. All I could think about was the new bike my Grandma bought
for me.It was a wonderful morning. My brother and I were riding our bikes around the big
block, or what we called the "big block". In all actuality it was a small block, but within that block was an alley. So when we rode the "small block", we would cut through the alley.

When riding the "big block", we would ride only on the sidewalk around the alley.
Crestline was a small town in north-central Ohio. One of those towns where everyone knows everything about everybody, and where gossip spreads like an out of control wildfire. It was also one of those towns where you did not have to lock your doors at night.

"Bubby, Jimmy," my grandmother yelled out the door, "it's time to come in for a little bit". James and I parked our bikes outside the front door of our house and ran inside.
"What is it Grandma?", I asked. "It's time to have cake and open presents." Most everyone on my dads side of the family was there. happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you...

"Make a wish and blow out the candles" Grandma said. I already received the only gift I wanted, and that was my new bicycle, so I wished that everyone would just have fun the rest of the day. That wish almost came true.

Most of my fathers sisters were church going women, although to speak to a couple of them you would never know it. "Come here Bub, I want to talk to you about something", says my Aunt lets just call her Delores for the time being. So I walk over to her, "Yes?",I say. Happy Birthday I need to ask you something. Now that you are twelve, you are accountable for your sins. Did you know that?

HOLY CRAP!!! I thought, but answered "Yes". There it was, my wish had not come true. Not at all. The rest of my day was ruined. How terrifying! That day and the words she said to me has haunted me ever since. I was going to Hell if I did or said anything that God wouldn't approve of. I was scared to death. For weeks and months later that's all I could think of. I was angry with her. Who gave her the right to decide that twelve was the age when you were responsible for your sins? I started reading the bible more and more. Searching for a passage that said you would go to heaven if you died from birth to eleven years old, but at twelve you would die and burn in a devils hell if you were not saved. I never found that scripture.

I went church all of my life, but when I was twelve I started going alot more.
My aunts attended a pentecostal church called Church of God. If you know anything about pentecostal churches, you know the services can be scary at times. Each service would start the same way. First there would be an opening prayer then an offering was taken while someone sang a soft song. After that, prayer again and then more music(praise and worship). Then came the confusion. The pastor would preach hard every service and speak in tongues. Which made me wonder what the heck is going on here? There was this man standing behind the pulpit speaking a foreign language along with a few other people in the congregation, others would be shouting. Some would be jumping up and down, others running the isles, and some flopping on the floor. All this just blew my mind. I didn't know what to think.

I would often sit there and wonder if anyone other than myself was thinking the same things that I was, but if they were I never found out. Eventually I just gave in and went with the flow. Another faceless person in a crowd of lost people.

I am so sick of this! I didn't ask to be born. Why do I have to live in this world of pain and sadness? Before we are born are we souls floating around somewhere waiting to be born? While we are floating around, pre-birth, do we ask God if we can be born or does he just choose for us? Is any of this the truth or am I just making this up in my mind? I can't kill myself, because then I'd go to hell. Or would I? Is there a hell? Is there a Heaven? How do we know? How can we find out what's real and what's not? I feel so LOST! I don't want to hurt like this anymore! Why do we have to die? Why do we have to watch others die and deal with that agonizing torture? Why do I have to ask these questions and drive myself to the point of almost insanity? I know I cant be the only person to have these thoughts.
Those were the the things I would dwell upon for the next several years.

I was thirteen when my aunt Darlene was diagnosed with schyzophrenia. This was not the same aunt who one year earlier scared me to the point I almost lost my mind. Her name was Delores, remember? Darlene her sister was the youngest of my grandparents children. James and I were raised by my grandmother. Our parents divorced when I was four and James was two. After that we went to live with our fathers parents. Grandpa was hardly ever around and when I was 9 he passed away. At his funeral our family had a big fight, this was in 1984. To this day my aunt Delores still will not speak to her sister Carolyn. Delores is a Christian woman but will not forgive Carolina for some things she said on that day.


Darlene did not respond well to treatment. Many times she would think she was someone different. She had multiple personalities. So every time I would speak to her I was always a little nervous, not knowing if she was gonna flip out and become someone else. I have not changed Darlenes name in this book. My aunts tried to help her with prayer, and by taking her to the hospital and doctors visits whenever she needed, nothing seemed to help. She even spent alot of time in the psychiatric ward at the hospital. Months at a time. It didn't help. See just days before her thirtieth birthday Darlene took her own life. She overdosed on her medication. She was tired of dealing with her life. I don't blame her for not wanting to live the life she had, but I am still a little angry with her for the pain she caused my grandmother and the daughter she left behind. While she was lying on her death bed my aunts were there with her. Delores says that just before she drew her last breath she looked upward at the ceiling and said "Only you can love me now". I don't know if she was talking to Jesus, or if she was out of her mind again. I am still confused about this, because I've always heard that if you kill yourself you go directly to hell.


I want to believe that Darlene is in heaven, but I just don't know. Will I ever know? Heaven is a big place. Are we gonna be able to find those loved ones that have gone there before us? Are they gonna be listed in the white pages? I'm pretty sure they are not just sitting around the gates of heaven waiting for everyone they ever loved to arrive. Why would they? How would they know which of us would make it there? All these things are very confusing. We need to find some answers. They are out there. We will find them. We will not always be LOST.

TO BE CONTINUED................

TO BE CONTINUED................

Text: no person may use this book for monetary gain. may not be sold by anyone other than author and any publishing company that author approves. free to read to public.
Publication Date: 01-08-2012

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