Ugly Duckling: No One Wants Me by Hlengiwe Mathebula (13 inch ebook reader txt) 📖

new 5 texts and 3 missed calls from Njabulo. I don't want to talk to anyone not even him for the first time ever. When I'm about to switch the phone off he calls. Let me just pick up so he knows I'm okay and he'll stop annoying me.

 

"Hello" I answer.

"My God, maZwide are you okay?" he asks me sounding relieved.

"I'm okay" "You don't sound okay. What's up?" he asks worried.

"I said I'm okay. What do you want Njabulo?" I ask feeling irritated now. I don't have time for this.

"Haw Mbali, I'm just worried about you" I know it's not fair but if my own family doesn't care about me then why would other people care. I mean I've known Njabulo, Melusi and Bobo for less than a year, they might be pretending. If my own blood hates me so much, why do they care? It doesn't make sense I don't think I can do this.

 

"Njabulo, I can't do this. Whatever we have going on needs to stop, we need to cut ties. It was nice knowing you" I tell him and hang up. I'll miss him but like they say time heals I hope it does. He calls me and stops after 5 missed calls. Just when I start to relax Bobo calls so I need to cut ties with them. I'm too tired to talk but let me just do it now.

"Hello" I answer.

"What's up. Njabulo just called. I thought you were okay? Why did..." he doesn't even get to finish the sentence. I disturb him.

"Bobo I'm sorry I can't do this. I need to cut ties with you guys. It's for the best" I tell him and hang up. I switch off my phone because I know they will call. I call in one of the guards and ask them not to let anyone in. Not even my parents he nods and leave. I don't have enough food, but I'll make a plan.

 

I decide to go to sleep. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I wake the next day. I don't know whether to switch my phone off or not. I really want to see if Njabulo tried to contact me but then I'm scared what if he didn't. I need to change my number. I call one of the guards and ask him to buy some groceries for me. He agrees I give him the list and money. Varsity opens in 3 weeks, I don't need to go out before then. An hour later the guy whom I don't even know his name comes back with everything on the list. I thank him and give R500 to say thanks. Oh I just remembered I need to cancel the debit order for the DSTV at home plus the money I send my parents every month. I can't be supporting them when they always make feel small and not good enough.

~~~

For the 3 weeks I don't leave the apartment, but I need to go to campus, I'm scared I might bump into Njabulo or Bobo even though they live a little far from here. I changed my digits so we don't communicate. I lost so much weight but I'll have to be strong. I ran out of food. I decide to go out, I'll need to go out at some point. So I get into the car and leave. I buy food as quickly as I can so that I don't bump to anyone. I'm relieved when I get into the car and I haven't bumped to anyone. I miss Njabulo so much it hurts, but I need to be strong, it's not the end of the world. I just think I'm not meant to be happy. At the robots I see Bobo and Mel in their car on my right, they just ignore me. I know I cut ties with them but it hurts. I roll down the window, the robot is red.

"Hey guys" I greet them with a smile, really happy to see them. They just nod and continue with their conversation. This is really my fault hey, but it hurts so much. When the robot turns green they drive off like nothing happened. I messed up, I'll go home and sleep like I've been doing for the past 3 weeks.

 

Chapter 14

It's been a month and I haven't spoken to anyone not even my family. The guard told me that a lady came by looking for me. When I asked what she looked like. He described Nobuhle. I hope she doesn't want to move in with me. I'm used to my own space and after she accused me of having an affair with Richard I can’t have her here. Well she didn't really say that but her actions told me that. I don't want anyone here. I just want some peace and quiet. I miss Njabulo but I have to live with my decision. Let me just sleep. That's all I ever do lately I just sleep.

Ping ping who's sending me an email now? I'll check it when I wake up.

I'm waken up by my phone. There's an incoming call, who could be calling me? I take the phone, it's my editor. Something is up she usually send an email.

"Hello"

"Hello, Mbali, I hope you're well I sent you an email earlier you haven't replied. You missed 2 deadlines in the past 2 weeks. So I'm calling to check if you're okay?"

Oh shit I totally forgot about the 2 research articles I had to submit. My God I'm in shit.

"Eeh. I'm so sorry I haven't been feeling well for some time. Work totally slipped my mind." I reply.

"It's okay I'll let it slide because you’ve never missed a deadline before"

"Thank you so much"

"You welcome. Got to go" she hangs up. I decide to check my emails and there's nothing new. I decide to go out. I need some air. But when I'm at the gate, Nobuhle is standing there with her 3 year old annoying daughter. I just pass them. I don't need drama right now. I just want to go out. I've been driving around for some time now, not looking where I am going and I find myself at Njabulo's place. He's sitting outside with Bobo and Melusi they are laughing so hard, I wonder what they are discussing. They stop laughing when they see me. Their faces turn sour, Bobo the dramatic one says something to Njabulo he nods and he goes inside Njabulo's house. I don't know what to say. I get off the car and walk towards them, they are busy discussing whatever as if they didn't see me coming.

 

"Hello guys" I greet them. They just nod in return. I didn't plan on coming here so I don't know what to say to them and by the looks of things, they don't want to say anything either. Bobo comes out and sit down never acknowledging my presence it hurts.

 

"Njabulo can I talk to you" I ask him hoping Mel and Bobo will give us some privacy. Since when did they become so close? Njabulo doesn't say anything. I wait for him to say something, he doesn't say anything. This is embarrassing and awkward I want to leave but I want to stay. I honestly don't know what to do. They chat as if I'm not there.

 

"Njabulo please"

"Mbali I have nothing to say honestly, you decided to cut ties with me. I tried to call you but you changed your digits. Joyce was trying to reach you for the past 2 weeks. She found a way to repay you. Can you please contact her as soon as you can" he replies not looking at me.

"Bobo can we talk" I turn to Bobo if he forgives me then I'll ask him to talk to Njabulo for me.

"I have nothing to say to you Mbali. You decided you wanted nothing to do with us. Why change now?" he asks also not looking at me. Melusi is my last hope.

"Mel..." I don't even get to finish his name. Bobo jumps in.

"No, Melusi is not going to talk to you. You said what you wanted and we respected your wish. Please respect ours" Bobo replies looking at me this time. I must've touched a very sensitive spot by talking to Mel. So I leave, with the hope that they will stop me, like they do in movies, but I'm afraid this isn't a movie. I keep turning but they are busy laughing at whatever it is they find funny.

I drive home, Nobuhle is still by the gate with her child. I pass them, she keeps calling my name I ignore her. I can't deal with her, not now when this whole thing is still fresh. I walk to the apartment and I make a cup of coffee. I take my phone out of the pocket and the cup to the couch. I call Joyce.

Ring ring she picks up after 2 rings.

"Joyce hello" she answers.

"Hello sisi, this is Mbali"

"Oh Mbali, thank you for calling me back. I have been calling you for the past 2 weeks. Njabulo also said he doesn't know where you are. I find a way to pay you back but I'm afraid I'll have to pay you in installments" she tells me.

"Oh no it's okay sisi. Whenever you can. I'll wait" I tell her.

"How are you by the way" she asks sincerely.

"I'm okay thanks. How have you been?" I ask.

"Been good thanks. The family sends their love. Please send me your banking details"

"Okay I will"

We say our goodbyes and hang up. I sms her the banking details. Few seconds later there's a message it must be the banking notification sms. I read it, R2 000 was deposited to my account by Njabulo. Just seeing his name makes my heart sore. I made my bed and now I got to lay in it. I still have his pictures and our pictures. This is torture but I can't delete them. It will be a reminder of what I lost.

~~~

Since I called Joyce three months ago I was hoping Njabulo will text or call me but he hasn't. They have made 3 payments. They have paid R6 000. I still cry over what I threw away. I haven't been in contact with my family. Nobuhle stopped coming over 3 days ago. The guards would call and say that she's asking for me. My parents came by the other day, when I was going out for groceries, I ignored them. I've had enough. I miss Njabulo, Bobo and Mel so much but I'm scared to contact them. Maybe Njabulo has moved on, that thought breaks my heart. I must've hurt them. Today is Saturday they are probably home. I need to talk to Njabulo then I'll go to Bobo's place. I take a bath and wear the dress Njabulo bought me with my white sandals. I drive to his place, there's a 3 room house, the shack is no longer there. I go to the door and knock. Some lady answers, I don't know her my heart feels heavy. But I hear Bobo laughing and then I hear Smanga's voice. How I missed her. I walk in all Njabulo's siblings are