Onlyness by Santosh Jha (fb2 epub reader TXT) 📖

not acting or reacting to milieus and elements around you but simply imbibes them. I sit on the top layer of the deep terrace farms, for hours all alone and I truly enjoy my peace and leisure.

Shiv taught me a very interesting idea. He is a great cook and every day, he makes something for his people in the large kitchen of the house I stay. He always takes me along and I am so thrilled learning all these lovely local dishes. I asked him once, didn’t he feel bored and tired of cooking, which most men and even women consider drudgery. He revealed to me a great truth. He said, when you did something all alone, you felt bored and accepted it as drudgery. If you have a company, the same work becomes a festival and joy. Shiv told me, he was never alone as he always had the intangible company of affection and compassion for the people and of the people he cooked for. He cooks for all his people and they eat it together. Every day, it is a party going in the village and they all bless him. Shiv told me, before he entered the kitchen, even when he was alone; he was joined by the joys and blessings of his people, for whom he wants to cook. He said, when he cooked only for himself, he felt being lonely and the cooking became boring; a definite drudgery. This is the lovely idea of emotional and ideational company, which one always can have, even while physically one is alone, is something I really appreciate. I was so thrilled the day I finally made jalebees for the whole of village, which Shiv arrangement for. Everyone was so happy and they all blessed me. I worked for hours in the kitchen but never felt bored and toiled. I now understand, one can never be lonely when the heart and mind is populated with affection and compassion for everyone. People become lonely because they keep beautiful emotions of mind away.

I know, I have to grow into this art. This artistry of joy of loneliness has to be perfected. I admit, I am never actually lonely. Shiv always encourages me to go for a walk all alone and consciously feel being all alone in the entire cosmos but I have not done it yet. This place is so open that anywhere I go, I can see Shiv around, even some distance away; still so near me. In fact, Shiv is so caring; he never leaves me completely alone. I think, I am happy being all alone but just Shiv being around me. As he is around, I feel focused to my new learning and feel the sense of perfection in my endeavors. After all, he is my teacher of life. His presence is catalytic, never a distraction. In fact, I feel very secure with Shiv’s fragrance muffling me when I am journeying into the new experiences.

**

CHAPTER 9

Shiv hates to do it. Especially with Melissa, who trusts him like an innocent child. In ancient Indian philosophic and religious traditions, the worst crime one could commit was breach of trust. Even modern law considers it as grave offence. Shiv knows, he has no way out, even if he wished to tell the truth to her. He had to do it the way his chief conspirator wanted. He was just carrying the orders.

He has the latest instruction to wrap it up fast as he had to report to his original duties shortly. He has to speed it up and do it in a way Melissa could not sense. He decides to do it tonight. She has already informed Melissa that they would talk something serious tonight.

As the dark descends on the village, Shiv enters Melissa’s room. This is the time when usually, Melissa behaves like a kid and Shiv pampers her. Shiv however has a different plan.

“Melissa, I have things to say to you but if you are tired or otherwise not in good mood to listen to me, we can postpone it.”

“No Shiv, I am perfectly all right. I can never be as tired not to listen to you. Tell me what you want to say.”

“You have to be very attentive as what we shall discuss tonight is serious and shall need your perfect focus and attention.”

“Okay, anyway, in the dim light, I can only see you, nothing else.”

“Melissa, first thing I have to tell you is a big sorry and I also request you not to ask why.”

“But I shall ask why! How can I accept a sorry, if I do not know the reason?”

“Consider it a charity, you extend to a poor yogi and charity is done without asking anything.”

“No! Shiv, forget it, I am not charitable. You are not only my dear friend but also my teacher. How can a student accept a sorry from her teacher?”

“Melissa, above everything, you are an empress and it is fit for an empress to forgive.”

“Then I demand the reason. If I am an empress, then nobody says no to me!”

Melissa loves to tease Shiv and show him her childlike pranks. She loves being pampered by Shiv. She keeps arguing with him and finally makes him withdraw his sorry.

“Shiv, you are such a bad person. I have no words to thank you for what you have done to me. I cannot tell you, how happily endowed I feel with you and with what you extended to me in such short time. I cannot even think of you being wrong at the first place. An apology is something I can never except from you. I have always received treasures from you. Are you feeling sorry to take me to this heavenly place and making me learn so much? Tell me!”

“Madam Genius, I withdraw my apology for now but, I request you to keep alive this sorry for a future date when you would probably agree to accept it.”

“Shiv, please, if you talk like that, I shall feel that you are no more my friend. Is this the serious thing you wished to talk? I am not talking to you!”

“Okay, sorry for saying this sorry. Even if you do not talk to me, I shall remain your friend, forever. Anyway, tonight, you do not need to talk, you just need to listen.”

“I shall accept the sorry for your sorry only when you compensate for the wrong. You have to do it by promising that even if I do limitless and craziest of stupidities, you shall always be my dear friend and never leave me.”

Shiv looks at her. He leaves his chair and sits by her side on her bed. She turns and faces him. He takes her right hand in his left hand and taps gently with his right hand. She looks in his eyes. There is enough light in the room for her to see his eyes getting moist. A woman is designed to read a man’s heart through his eyes. She reads the oceans of compassion in his eyes. The child in her gives way to the woman in her. She could not see the guilt in his eyes but her heart soaks with gratitude from the drops of water, which lines his eyes.

“Shiv, I am sorry. I am truly very sorry. I accept whatever you say. I am such a stupid girl. God knows why I start behaving like a little girl, when I am with you. Believe me, I trust you more than anything. I accept your sorry, I do. I know if you say it, there must be a good reason for it.”

“Melissa, I am so fortunate that you have always been in brilliant reception with me. But, tonight, I have to say things, which you need to consciously assimilate. There shall be times when you would like to ask questions; you may find something I say as untenable to you. You have to allow them all to slip in. It is not that I am saying or giving this to you. In fact, whatever you say you have attained here, are your own reception, not my communication. The realism is just the reverse of it. You are in automatic reception of them because you have attained a consciousness positioning, where things similar and naturally symmetrical are automatically drawn to you. It is one realism, you shall learn to master in days ahead. Tonight, in the darkness, there are realisms, elemental situationalisms lined up in queue. You need to open all your doors for them, consciously checking any urge to block them. Later, when you assess their utility for your final acceptance, you can use your discretion for rejecting any of them.”

“Shiv, I promise you, I shall assimilate anything you say. But you also have to promise that later, when it shall be time for my discretion to assess their utility, you shall be there with me as my teacher and good friend.”

“Even this is your discretion and reception. This place, the life here, the people, even me, you have liked and enjoyed because you found utility in them. This is what we shall talk tonight. I am very confident that you are in a consciousness of ultimate reception for it. You are very intelligent and truly knowledgeable in your own right but true learning does not need them. What it needs is what you have loads of them and that is why I call you an empress. You have the innocence and honesty to be most eligible for all learning of life and all realisms around you. The environment here and days you spent here are just the right catalyst for it.”

Melissa anticipates that Shiv has something for her, which he wants her to imbibe and assimilate in her best of innocence. A woman reciprocates best to innocence and compassion. She feels his compassion muffled around her innocence and she does not wish any space between the two. She inches closer to Shiv and feels his breathe. Shiv bows his head in complete deference of the most precious thing coming his way – the innocent trust of the empress.

The soil is ready and in absolute anticipation of the seed and this extends the energy for the seed to ascend to its best potential. This is springtime for the nature. All elements are in perfect attendance of the primordial union of soil and seed. The seed shall dissolve its utility and fruition into the soil and the soil shall attain its finality. The cosmic conspiracy shall once again win; it has always!

“Melissa, we are dealing with something, which has its origin around 3000 years back. For others, it shall be almost impossible to visualize a time that far in history. You can however understand it and feel it in your consciousness. It is close to where we are now. It is about people, who lived in similar world 3000 years back. The nature then was even wilder and far more intense then and they had far more leisure time than we have here. There were very few people around and naturally, the level of proximity and intimacy between them was far deeper than today. As you understand it best, in such world and life, it becomes so much easy and available to observe even the most intangible of feelings, emotions, ideas, patterns and structures. I consciously made you to live the isolation, leisure and detachment here so that you could register it in your deep consciousness. You can now easily visualize a life in history that far. Our ancestors had little distractions of modern and contemporary life. As population pressure on natural resources was very little and needs of life were few, they had loads of quality leisure time. The poise they had within and utility they accepted of this precious leisure, led them to be keen observers of every little thing around. They could decipher a design, a pattern in almost everything that happened or presented