Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (ebook reader below 3000 .txt) 📖

Chapter 56

      Rowan

I woke up the next morning with bad headache that made me wonder if I'd repeatedly gone head banger against the wall until it all came back to me in flashes; kind of like a movie flashback and that's when I realized what I had done.

Shame overcame me as I saw the mess covering the carpeted floor by the dresser. I closed my eyes and raked my fingers through my hair in frustration. I'd cried myself to sleep yesterday, eventually getting hold of the meds which rolled from beneath my pillow. It was after I'd downed the meds did I sleep peacefully.

Yesterday, when I saw Alana with Troy, I had the craziest thoughts like what if he convinced her to move out of my house? What if Dwight sent him as a personal postman to deliver another one of his unwanted warnings about how she should reconsider living with me? I didn't need my family to intervene in my personal matters where Alana or Minnie was concerned.

I was twenty-nine, and Alana was a mature adult too. Well, maybe not mature just yet but I knew she was capable of making her own decisions.

What made it worse was the fact that I'd let her see the most vulnerable part of me. She knew that I was on medication, that I'd lied when I said I was fine because I was far from it. I knew she wanted to help me, but I didn't trust myself in that state. Hell, I remember locking myself up every time it happened back home when I lived with my parents, but now things had changed and I needed to lay it all out. Be honest with Alana if I wanted her to stay in my life.

I walked into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face, then I walked into the storage room and found a broom and a dustpan to clean the mess. Alana was nowhere in sight, I wondered if she had left for college, or better yet, packed and moved out. I wouldn't be surprised if she had.

I cleaned the shattered pieces on the floor. I'd let Minnie sleep in and now I had to clean up and hurry to the university because I had a lecture to dish out. My inner-monologue was interrupted by a shadow standing by the bedroom door.

Alana stood at the door wearing casuals, a tank top and shorts. Although her shorts were too short for my liking, I didn't comment on it.

"How are you feeling today?" Alana asked.

"Better." I said.

"Good." She said maintaining a stoic face. "I prepared pancakes which isn't much but that's all I could whip up so early in the morning, plus that's what Minnie insisted on."

"You sent Minnie to school?" I asked her, totally impressed.

She smiled. "I did."

"Thanks baby."

"No problem." She said. "Can I help you with the cleaning?"

"I've got this." I said, giving her a forced smile. Dumping all the shattered pieces into the bin.

"Okay then, I think I better get going."

"Wait!" I climbed to my feet and followed her into the living area.

She stopped short and turned to face me. I didn't know how to start, what to say. I was embarrassed to say the least. "I know I keep saying sorry and keep doing this shit again, but I'm really really sorry about yesterday."

Alana nodded. "I know you are."

"You do?"

"Your eyes say it all."

"Listen, baby. When I'm upset, don't come anywhere near me. In fact, just take Minnie and go into another room and lock yourself in or just walk out of the apartment. And never, ever hide my meds because those help me function. I'm not a good person without them. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

She just nodded, and her eyes told me she was hiding something.

"I know we have gone over this a million times but you don't have to worry about me, if you ever feel like you can't be with me anymore, I'll understand. You have done more than enough for me and it's the least I could do if you decide to walk out."

"Rowan..."

I raised my hand. "Your father is right. I can be dangerous when I snap and you know that better than anyone..."

"Rowan." There were tears spilling out her eyes.

I brushed my thumb over her tears. "Always put yourself before me."

She sucked in a breath and said. "Rowan, what if I told you that Minnie will have a little sister or a brother?"

I went numb. I think I lost my ability of speech.

What have I done?

"Baby, are you...?"

Alana nodded. "I'm pregnant."

My first reaction was happiness. I was going to be a father. Again. And then suddenly I realized I'd done it again. Knocked up a girl before marriage. How could I be so irresponsible?

I didn't realize she was still standing in front of me seeming anxious.

"When did you find out?"

"I missed my periods this month. I thought it was normal because it happens sometimes and I totally forgot about it, but today morning I felt sick and I threw up. I dropped Minnie off at school and bought a test from the pharmacy."

"And?"

"It came out positive."

This is exactly what my father had warned me about, told me I shouldn't do it again.

Her body was shaking, I wondered what was making her so nervous. I told her to sit down and she settled down on the couch. I brought her a glass of water which she downed entirely. "I'm happy, Alana. It's our baby."

Alana's face lit up as she threw her arms around me. "I was so worried about what you would say."

"Why would you be worried?" I asked.

She pulled away a wiped a tear from her eye. "Well, you already have Minnie and I thought maybe you would feel burdened about being pushed with another baby and responsibilities."

"No. Of course not." I shook my head. "I thought maybe you didn't..."

"I would never even consider doing something like that, Rowan."

"I can't tell you how happy I am. I love you." I told her and kissed her forehead. "Wait, right here. I have something I need to give you."

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