Love B(l)ends by Kalaiselvi Arivalagan (red novels txt) 📖

times, she choked for fresh air,  as he went on to finish off the love chore.  He never asked her wish or how she felt after.  Pulling himself away from her with a rude jerk, he would roll to the other side of the bed and fell asleep within seconds.

 

Kayal drenched with perspiration and love sweat blinked blindly at the zero watts bulb that lit their room. Tears started to flow down her cheeks and she could feel the heavy burden that pressed her heart numb.

 

“Kay” Sidharth screamed.  Without a reply, Kayal placed his lunch box near the sofa.

 

“Are you on leave today?” Sidharth enquired.

 

“Have an appointment at the clinic.” Kayal replied.

 

“Hmm” Sipping his tea, he raised his brows with a query. Kayal wished he would ask why she is going to the clinic.  Instead he pulled a few hundred rupee notes from his purse and handed them to her.  

 

“Let me know in the evening.”  Sidharth left without expecting her to reply. Kayal blinked to hide her tears.  She had nothing but tears to accompany her.                                      

 

 Her routine check up at the fertility clinic added her pain.  Whenever she went there, the doctor first enquired if Sidharth has come.   Though it may be a routine question from the doctor, Kayal struggled to hide her pain with a vague smile. 

 

Kayal’s first visit to the clinic ruled out that due to tubal block, she could not conceive. Sidharth felt relieved when everything went on normal with him.  Kayal’s problem did not affect him for he never thought about having kids and start a family. Satisfied with his occupied work, he went on as usual.

 

Kayal walked from the clinic like a zombie.  Drained out of confidence, she walked down the road preoccupied with thoughts. When the bus glided near her smoothly, her eyes involuntarily checked the number.

 

Seeing Kathir at the driver seat, she boarded the bus without a second thought. Kayal with her heaving emotions struggled hard to hide her tears. 

 

Uncontrolled sobs ribbed through her chest, but she somehow controlled her emotions by looking at the slowly moving traffic.   Her heart desperately needed a patient listening ears and she yearned for a silent listener. 

 

Her eyes once again reached Kathir who was busy gliding through the morning traffic. Unaware of the thoughts going through Kayal and how she wished to connect herself to his solace did not reach Kathir.  But when he casually turned around to look at the thin crowd, his eyes met the tear stained cheeks of Kayal.  Eyes brimming with tears now and then let a few drops of tear roll down her cheeks.  People standing around her looked at her crying silently, but no one dared to ask her the reason. 

 

Everyone has their own problem and nothing could be done to solve the problem of a third person.  Kayal’s tears disturbed Kathir. He felt a sudden urge to get up from his driving seat and go to her.  She looked like a child lost in the maddening crowd. 

 

Nervously he turned to look at the bustling traffic that moved in a snail’s pace.  After a few minutes when he turned around looking for Kayal, she was not there. 

 

Bonded

Last minute work occupied her time and when Kayal left the office it was 6:30 pm.  It was drizzling lightly and it took more than ten minutes to reach the bus stop.  Usually Kayal would reach the bus stop before 6 pm.  After 6 pm it would be crowded and the buses screeched with people literally hanging around the steps of the bus.  Kayal decided to wait till the crowd cleared. 

 

By 7 pm most of the crowd will not be there and there will be at least some breathing space in the buses.  Kayal decided to wait and take the bus after 7 pm.  Sometimes she would take the share autos that were even crowded.

 

The drizzling rain suddenly turned into a vehement downpour.  The crowd at the bus stop ran to the nearby shops to take shelter.  Kayal stood there in the downpour and the umbrella did not protect her much from the lashing rain.  The rain lashed her with pellets as if punishing for her mistakes.  The chill rain water made her wavering mind cool down for a while and she stood there shivering.  There were vehicles on the road but they were at slow pace in the lashing rain. 

 

 “Hello,” someone called her from behind.  “Someone from that Tata Magic is calling you.” Kayal struggled her eyes to see who was inside the car.  To her surprise, Kathir in the driving seat waved her.  Kathir opened the front door of the car and asked her to get in. 

 

Kayal could not decide if she must accept this help or stand in the rain for some more time.  Except the front seat near Kathir, all the seats at the back was filled with women passengers.

 

“Get in.  It may take another one hour for the rain to stop.”  Kathir requested.

 

Folding her wet umbrella, Kayal climbed inside the car.   Her dumb heart made her senses also dumb and she just mumbled “Thanks.” 

 

Kathir did not tell her anything.  He was busy driving through the lashing rain that hindered sight.  The sound of the lashing rain and the swishing sound of the window wiper filled around her. 

 

“Do you want me to leave at your home?” Kathir broke the silence.

 

“Hm.”  Kayal turned around to see if any one was there at the back seat. All the women passengers had left and Kayal was the only passenger.

 

“I am going home.  No problem to drop you at home.” Kathir spoke to her in a softer tone.

 

The flooded road made her feel timid and the striking lightening sent a shiver down her spine.

 

“Thanks.”  Kayal could not refuse his timely help. 

 

“You need to tell me the way.” Kathir smiled at her.

 

“Sure.” Kayal mumbled. Still in her dumb state of mind, she gave him the directions to her home. Her mind was vague and nothing registered on her.

 

“Will you please stop here?” Kayal requested Kathir.

 

“Thanks for your help.” Kayal had to shout as the sound of raining filled the place. Holding her wet dress clumsily Kayal got down from the car.  For a few minutes she struggled to open the umbrella.

 

“Nothing is ok with me.” Kayal murmured.

 

“I don’t think so.” Kathir replied her with a smile.

 

Kayal frowned at him.  “Bye, see you later.”  Folds of drenched saree clinged at her legs and Kayal walked clumsily to reached her doorstep.  The key slipped in her wet hands and she struggled for a  while to open the lock. 

 

 As usual, there was no electricity. Kayal lit the candle that she usually kept at the window sill.  She lit the candle and made her way into the hall.  She could not still come out of the pleasant shock of meeting Kathir at that odd time and his timely help.  If he had not dropped her home, she would literally be stranded on the road. Sidharth reached home only after 10 pm and even if had returned earlier, he would not bother to come searching for her. 

 

It took another thirty minutes for Kayal to grope around in the dark and get changed to warm clothes.  She lit the stove and made some hot tea.  Sipping the tea she relaxed for a while sitting near the door. Frequent dash of lightening lit the place every few seconds.   Looking at the swirling rain water down the road made her feel dizzy again.   As there was no electricity, Kayal wiped her hair dry with a towel.  She always preferred to dry her thick strands of hair with the drier. 

 

 “Why you can’t wait till it stopped raining?” Sidharth’s angry tone shook her up. 

 

“Hm.” Kayal responded reluctantly.

 

When Sidharth stepped in, the electricity resumed and all the place turned bright with the light.  Kayal blinked her eyes for the light dazzled her eye sight.  

 

“Why, you thought of picking me up from the office?” Kayal questioned him.

 

“Never mind. Make me a cup of tea with elaichi.” Sidharth slammed the bathroom door loudly.

In a maze

Kayal’s mind drifted to her childhood days.  She remembered the days when her mother would crush fresh, tender neem leaves and made her drink a tumbler of neem juice.  But when she found out that the neem juice that she drank for a number of days left her sterile and she lost the chances of becoming a mother, her heart shattered to pieces.   The medical report showed minimum instances of success on Sidharth’s part.   Most of the sperm turned out to be immotile and he may require to be on prolonged medication to get it rectified. Sidharth not much inclined on this refused bluntly. 

 

“What is the big deal if we don’t have kids?” Sidharth scowled.  Tears rolled down on her smooth cheeks.  Kayal suppressed chokes inside her ribs.  She could feel the pain at her heart. Sidharth defiantly refused to take the prescribed drugs.

 

 “Why don’t you go for artificial insemination?”  Sidharth questioned.

 

Kayal did not reply him immediately.  The gynecologist also asked the same question.  But hit her with a different shade. 

 

“How dare he could ask me such a question?”  Kayal blinked her tears away.

 

For a girl becoming a mother is always a cherishing experience.  Though Sidharth seemed to be broad minded to allow her to go in for artificial insemination, Kayal could not take a decision.  Why should getting pregnant become the only choice to get accepted in the society?  It affected a women emotionally also. 

 

If she gets pregnant with a baby from a mutually fulfilling sexual experience, the women is really blessed.  All through the 280 days or 40 weeks, she must be willing to nurture her baby from the day one in her womb. 

 

The physical, emotional bond that connects the baby with her is the bliss every women would love to have. Kayal could not think out of the box and accept Sidharth’s choice.  He may be practical in taking such a decision.  At the same time, he must think how it may affect Kayal or how far she is ready to cope with the pressure through those weeks till the baby is born. 

 

 “I don’t mind if this clicks.” Sidharth walked away without expecting a reply from Kayal.

 

“You mean fellow! Do you know how much pain a girl needs to go through? Do you know how the prescribed drugs acted on the intricate hormones?”  

 

Kayal belonged to this century.  She lived in an age where technology opened all the closed doors.  To think about the days before 80s, the women suffered