Probability by Santosh Jha (bts books to read TXT) 📖

them in billion ways. The man in reception of the randomized probabilities of the woman’s mystical marvels of subconscious mind happens to be the most envied entity in the cosmos. He has his pride moments gushing in his way. He closes his eyes to hug all of them. This is blessing and like most good things of life, it is purely intangible.

She suddenly turns into an energy ball. In a flash, she brings in the first aid box, cleanses his cut with anti-septic, applies a healing cream and then gently wraps the bandages on his wound. Her lips are also busy, like her hands…

‘Look at the cut, how deep it is! Why should you always behave irresponsibly? There is a limit to everything, you know that.’

‘What?’, he asked gently, constantly looking at her face.

‘What…?’

‘I mean, you said something about limits!’

‘Yes, I am talking about the limits of your stupidity’, she says, without looking at him, keeping her eyes on the cut of his wrist, she is attending to.

‘But I didn’t do anything. I just wanted something I found.’

‘It was all your fault, why should you insist on taking something which is mine?’

‘Am I talking about faults? I am just telling you what I feel.’

‘This exactly is your trouble! You really don’t know when to talk and when not to. All men I think have this trouble. They will blabber when they should ideally be silent and listening. And when they need to speak, they will always fumble with words. Even a stupid knows it is time to speak out when you are in pain. There surely is an appropriate time to be a martyr, if ever you have to!’

‘But I was not in pain… or probably didn’t feel it that way.’

‘That is what I call being a martyr for no cause!’

‘I don’t know… may be what you say is what you accept as true at your end but I was not being anything else than what I am. I am just being honest to you, as I always am, because I am always in complete reception of the utility of whatever you do with me. I have invested my innocence, my consciousness in you. This somehow makes me not only honest but makes me very much a part of you. I was not in reception of the pain as I was there within your own consciousness, and as you were expressing your inner feelings with an act, which you did as plaything, I was truly happy being with you in the joy of the play. If you could see things from my end, you too would accept that I am just being what I am – a stupid whose joys receive sustenance from whatever makes you happy. Above all, I want the continuity of this all in my life forever!

Probably, the impact of the long sentences he said; makes her speechless. Or probably, she has no choice but to accept the sincerity of the innocence of the man, who she knows and accepts as genuine and a true gentleman; someone any girl would accept to be with. She knows, it was really a tough ask not to accept his affection for her and commit herself to him. Still, she is sticking to her resolve not to say yes to him. However, she accepts, she cannot doubt his honesty and innocence.

He senses that his words have animated the probabilities. He also knows it that she is fighting an inner battle to keep herself away from commitment. He is however honest to her and can never think of taking undue advantage of her sensitivities. He values her too much…

‘Sorry… I accept my stupidity… I should not have said this’, he says.

‘No… why should you say sorry…’

‘Yes, I should say because I am putting you into an awkward situation. I understand that being honest is no big deal. I accept that you have your own reasons to do what you think is right. What I intend to arrive at is a mutuality situation and in no way I should land you in a position of discomfort with your resolve.’

‘Why should you be pained because of me and my reasons and choice? I know there are so many girls, who have million reasons to say yes to you. I know I am not someone very special!’

‘Hmmm… you suggest, I should ask some other girl to marry me? How can you be very sure that the other girl may not have any issues with me? So, I would end up asking girls after girls, deal with their reasons and choices and if all of them tell me the same, I would end up being the most ineligible old bachelor well in my forties! You are a corporate strategist… don’t you have a better plan for me…! Why don’t you allow me a second chance to build-up a probability of making you say yes and save some of my precious years…’.

‘Oh God…! Can’t you be serious?

‘I am. I am here for a serious purpose. I am not a teenager. I am 35 and know my priorities well. I have made a choice and all I want is give my choice full chance to succeed. I am not afraid of failure. I am rather looking at you not as something I have to get and attain. I just wish to be true to a potential I see is there to be actualized. I have a template of life-wellness in my imagination and I see you in the template as an essential to make life a picture perfect. This mutuality is however just a potential as you accepting to be in the template is not in the domain of my enterprise. I only wish to extend all possible chances to this potential of mutuality by extending the honest and most innocent enterprise of my consciousness. In the energies of my initiatives, I only wish a reciprocation of your honesty and innocence. If there is something wrong or inappropriate in my template of wellness, which I foresee in this possibility of mutuality, I shall be only too happy to keep away from it. I want to tell you that I value you very much and it is unimaginable for me to consider anything less than best for you. If I am not the best for your own wellness, I shall be happy to accept this.’

‘But the point is; there is nothing wrong at your end. Things are not in the same league at my end and you cannot blame your enterprise for that. You simply cannot correct or improve the template of other’s life.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘What?’

‘I mean, are you sure that things are not correct at your end and secondly, I cannot make it right or improve it?’

‘May be, at least I accept it this way. I have my own troubles and they are all mine. I don’t want you to be into it. I cannot make myself to extend the shadows of things in your template of perfect life-wellness.’

‘This exactly is what I wish to bring in, into the domain of mutuality.’

‘What?... what do you mean?’

‘Look at me… watch my eyes… for a while kindly drop the guard of your conscious self and accept a unity with the probability of mutuality, I wish to extend a full chance. What you say about your own realism, is what you perceive and accept as. This perception of yours of you and your life-situations not being in harmony and symmetry of my template of mutual wellness is an individualistic and singular realism. It is you, who is accepting this realism but this may not be true and right when things are perceived and allowed to sink in into the domain of mutuality. We are not talking of individual choices. We are talking of mutuality. We are talking of a possible situation of mergers and assimilation of individualistic perceptions into a mutuality, which shall have its own life, its own judgments, its own journeys and its own destinations, quite distinct from our individualistic journeys and destinations. I only wish that you and I extend a full chance to the probability of this mutuality and for that to happen, we have to de-skin our individualistic perceptions and step into the domain of mutuality.’

‘What if I am essentially reluctant to and rather apprehensive of this probability of mutuality itself? I am probably not comfortable with this very idea of merger of my individualistic self into the mutuality. I am in fact scared of the very idea that once this mutuality happens, it shall take up its own journey and in that journey, the individual self may feel lost and incapacitated. I may not be comfortable with and in perfect wellness with my own skin but it surely scares me to get into the skin of mutuality, about which I have not so good imagery.’

‘I repeat; this too is what I wish to draw into the domain of mutuality.’

‘What?’

‘I am talking about how and why realisms stand distinct at the ends of different persons. They have to be; yet, there always is a probability of commonness and unity of realisms into a singular entity, if mutuality is given a sincere and honest chance. It seems; realism – as a subjective self accepts – is brain’s choice (mostly randomized) of elements from the ambient milieu. Therefore, both fact and fiction are equally entitled to being realism. There are both tangible and intangible elements in any milieu. Consciousness (subjective self) as the navigation mapping mechanism, facilitated by the brain, accepts both elements with equal ease. Interestingly, all tangibles acquire form and content from the intangibles of life and all intangibles attain utility and suitability from tangibles. Therefore, it seems, realism is an eclectic mix of fact and fiction. It depends on early childhood milieu and initial experiences of a person, whether this mix has more fact or more fiction. That is why, it is precisely possible that you and me see different shades of a single realism differently as two different individuals. However, when we de-skin our cultural minds and enter the domain of mutuality, the realism may possibly look singular and same.’

‘Phew…! Is there a possibility of all this you said being a bit easy for me to understand? Either I am not good enough or your idea is not right enough.’

‘Madam Corporate Strategist, there is always a right time for all good things. The watch says, it is the right time for dinner. So, accept the point of mutuality and say yes to dinner with me at your favorite place. This is the first necessary step towards extending full chance to the probability of mutuality. This idea is also right and good enough…’

‘Why do you want to pamper me with a treat… for slashing your wrist?’

‘Exactly…! This wound shall earn me the sympathy of my boss, who shall then allow me a much-needed casual leave. Thanks for making me earn an extended weekend.’

‘Oh God…! I surely do not want this man in my life who wastes his hard-earned money on a stupid girl with such silly pretexts!’

‘Why are you always right…! That is why I need to marry you, who would check my bad habits and stupid ways…’

For a few minutes, both indulge in stupid talks and as she laughs at his witty remarks, he is happy. She is happy too. She does not want to hurt him. She knows his intents are good and he deserves all happiness in life. It is altogether different issue that she does not find herself with him in the template he has of life. He knows well what issues she has in her life and in her thinking. He is happy that she has extended him the chance to build up on his enterprise to engender a probability of the mutuality, which he is sure, is the ultimate benchmark of wellness for both of them. The mutuality is on a journey, at least. The destination is still