Making Circles by Vanessa Gilbert (new ebook reader .txt) š
- Author: Vanessa Gilbert
Book online Ā«Making Circles by Vanessa Gilbert (new ebook reader .txt) šĀ». Author Vanessa Gilbert
I let a silent sob and shake slip out then quickly regained control of myself, not now, not here. Mike looked down at me and watched as I whipped the tears away and began to push on him, trying to get as much distance as I could. As soon as I had an arms length of distance I quickly unlocked my carā¦or at least tried. My hands kept shaking uncontrollable and soon the keys that I was using to unlock my car fell to the cement. āGod damn it,ā I whispered in a shaky breath.
I bent down to pick them up until a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back up to stand straight. āYou need to stop pushing me awayā¦you need to stop pushing everyone who cares about you away,ā Mike said.
āI donāt push people away.ā
āArien, you do. Everyone sees you do it and everyone knows how hard it was for you.ā
āNo oneā¦knows or canā¦understandā¦how hard that night was for meā¦no one!ā
Mike starred at me with hurt held in his eyes and I could feel the down spiral of guilt. Why do I have to be such a good person? āSorry,ā I said in a hushed whisper.
He starred at me hurt still in his eyesā¦.what could I say? No one would really know what Iāve been through when that night happened...no one could ever understand the pain I feel without going through that night. Iāve never been the type to rant on and on with my problems, I usually sat and listened while others complained about their problems. But now, I still donāt complain about my life but if someone should happen to say their life sucks, without missing a beat, I usually begin to describe that nightā¦and thatās when not just rumors but thoughts and feelings began to race around the school. Some people saying I planned the whole thing, that I wanted my two best friends dead. Others say that Terry or Jacie was driving and that I just leaned on their side and tried to take control of the car. Mostly people go with the āI wanted them deadā story.
Everyone at the school hates my guts, everyone at the school wished that I had been the one to die not Terry and Jacieā¦that I was the one with the rod through my heart. Everyone except my friendsā¦well most of my friends; Allen stopped being my friends after that, Ashley disappeared (causing a whole new set of rumors), and Peter decided I was Satan or something.
The only friends I have are either back stabbers talking behind my back, gossip seekers reminding me everyday why I hate my life, and the rest are very decent but also like to remind me what has happened but they at least apologize for it later. Except Mark, he thinks itās unfair for everyone to apologize for making me see the truth, making me look back and try to find where I went wrong. I knew where I went wrong, everyday that moment plays in my head a thousand times over and over and finally over again. I have no reliefā¦no escape. āArien, why do you intend to keep me as a friend?ā
āWhat?ā
āIām asking you why do you keep me as a friend, I do nothing but give you headaches, donāt I?ā Mike asked.
I sighed, āMark, donāt do this.ā
āDonāt do what? Iām simply just asking you questions and trying to get answers.ā
āNo, this is how you get me to lead you into the main topic you like to go over with everyone in a crisis. Where I went wrong? Well, you wanna know where I went wrong? Fine Iāll tell you; I went wrong when I grabbed the keys to the car and I decided that I knew how to drive. I went wrong when I pulled myself into the driverās seat, buckled up, and turned on the car. I went wrong when I looked at Terri and Jacie and decided that I was good enough that I could risk not only my life but thereās, and now this is my repayment for itā¦this is my consequence. I have to live everyday knowing I killed my best friends just because I made the stupid mistake of thinking I knew what I was doing. That is where I went wrong.ā
I opened my car door, climbed in, and started up my car. There is no way in HELL I am staying to hear is response and no way Iām going to stay to have him go over everything I said. I put the car in reverse and began to quickly back up out of the parking spot I had picked. I turned the car so Iād turn straight out of the parking area for students and pressed on the gas; no way Iām going to look back.
I pulled up into the driveway and starred at the house as my car slowly crept up to it. As it did my mind raced about all the things that have happened. I never liked thinking over the day but this time it just felt right to. The only difference here was I wasnāt just thinking about today, I was thinking about the past weeks. The moments between me and Kyle, me breaking up with Carter, Kyle getting a girlfriend; it just seemed like every move I made sent me deeper into problems I never ever wanted. I pulled up to the top of the driveway, put my car in park, then got out and made my way towards the front door. I made it up the first step of the porch before I snapped my fingers and turned around. āOps, almost forgot my bag,ā I thought.
I jumped off the step then walked over towards the passenger side door, opened it, and pulled out my bag. As I did I heard the sound of items falling out of my bag and hitting the bottom of the car. I bent over and gathered all the stuff that fell. My makeup, my pencil bag, some papers, and finally my phone that I forgot I had put in my bag. I stuffed everything back in my bag then turned and went face first into a chest. I took a step back and looked at the face of the chest that I had just bumped into. It was Kyleās chest; Kyleās big, broad, muscular chest that I had just ran into.
āWell hello there, this is such a small world bumping into you here,ā Kyle said smiling down at me with his boyish smile.
I smiled up at him and said, āYes itās so strange for you to bump into me at MY house.ā
He smiled and nodded then said, āWell what can I say I wanted to talk to you and not at school, somewhere more casual and free.ā
I smiled and nodded, āYes and my house is the best free casual spot around. So what do you need to talk about?ā
āAbout whatās happened to you and meā¦to us.ā
āWell itās kind of late to talk about that since youāve got a girlfriend now,ā I said.
Mike smiled and laughed, āWell doesnāt mean we canāt talk about it.ā
Iām sorry but in my mind it does. I crossed my arms and put all my weight on one of my legs and starred at him waiting for him to either start or change the subject. āOkay well here I go, just hear me out,ā damn it, āwe couldāve been something special andā¦maybeā¦we still can be.ā
My eyes grew wide; is he really talking about this? Is he really talking about usā¦gettingā¦together?
Chapter Eleven: Making a Decision
āUhā¦Kyle you have a girlfriend,ā I said.
āYea but I mean we arenāt going to last forever, itās not like weāre gonna get married or anything. Iām just asking you to just hang around till me and her are over and when we are you and I canā¦be together.ā
I stared at him in disbelief, he is really talking about usā¦getting together. I threw the bag over one shoulder, pushed past him, then made my way to the door. āHey, whatās your answer?ā He asked, smiling a cocky smiling.
That smile just admitted that he thought that I was just going to say, āYea, sure Iāll wait for months on end or so waiting for you to end things with this girl of yours. Sure Iāll wait,ā well heās got another thing coming. āIāll think about it,ā I said.
Oh Iām such an idiot. Kyle smiled and watched as I walked into my house and shut the door behind me; time to go over my options.
I opened my eyes to the burning sun shining on them and the sound of arguing back and forth. Great mom and Mark are arguing again. I curled into a ball and turned on my side then reclosed my eyes and tried to drift back to sleep. Itās been about four maybe five weeks since Kyle came to me with the proposal of us getting together. I told him Iād think about it, and since then no change as accord with their relationship. Neither with his rapid and excessive asking for my answer; what could I say? I donāt know what I want, I want him butā¦heās got a girlfriend and itās wrong to just throw her to the side just because now I want him.
I let out another sigh then turned on my back and starred up at the ceiling. Well, I could just tell him to screw off and focus on his present girl and just to forget me butā¦Iām too selfish. Iām not as Mrs. Goodie-Goodie as everyone has me as, I have a selfish, evil, neurotic side that once in a while likes to just take a hold and make me screw up my life. This is the once chance I have to keep it inside and keep my life on the best track. But stillā¦itās Kyleā¦but then again I should take in consideration that heās willing to break up with this sweet girl, who Iāve heard is madly in love with him, just for meā¦a girl with nothing but bad karma and self esteem issues. Well, I guess hereās my chance to tell him whatās what and whatās not.
I can tell him for once and for all to just ignore meā¦to just move on. Since itās the weekend I can call him over or go over to his place, sit down with him, and tell him straight up that he should just stay with whatās her name. I starred at my phone for the longest of momentsā¦pondering what could happen if I just didnāt tell him any answer, if I just act like he never asked, like he and I are just going to stay friends. It would save our friendship and this poor girl whoās just falling for the right person at the wrong time. I guess this is also just a wakeup call for me. Sophomore guys and freshmen guys arenāt mature enough to handle a relationship and I should just tell all who ask that are in that grade group
Comments (0)