Cliche by ninja jinx (best classic novels .TXT) đ
- Author: ninja jinx
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I grabbed a trolley and began walking down the aisle, as I grabbed random things of the shelf and placed it hastily in the trolley. Pizza sauce, Pads, deodorant, chips, cat food. Donât ask why. I donât know what to do. Iâve never taken a class for pregnant women. Oh shit, I knew I should have listened in sports.
âAh, why do you have a plant in your trolley?â a guyâs voice called.
âOh because I h-wait a plant!â
Ok, now I really donât know why I have a plant. And anyway where did it come from?
I placed the plant on the floor and raced out of there. That was embarrassing, and I didnât even get a look at the persons faceâŠoh well, I just hope he wasnât hotâŠ.
âCheck this out really fast,â I yelled. The elderly lady looked at me oddly. âI have a pregnant woman at home who may be dying of hunger!â Ha, that got her starting. âOh dear, you better get there ASAP then loveâ. I nodded my head vigorously as her hands moved at the speed of light. Wow, just watching her go hurts my eyes. I canât even see her hands anymore! For an old lady, she sure does move fastâŠ
âThereâ she said as she lifted all the bags and placed it in the trolley. I donât even know if that was humanly possibleâŠ
âThanksâ I replied as I threw notes and coins and fled out of there, racing towards my street.
After the grueling path home.
âSarahâ I called as I slammed the trolley into the house, âIâm homeâ. No answer. Did I make it in time? I crept quietly to the living room and nearly screamed. Sarah was lying on the floor; with her limbs all stretched out and drool dripping from her mouth.
Who could have done such a horrible thing?
âOh my gosh Sarah. If only I had come soonerâŠâ I wailed.
Sarah Tucker was d-
âIsabel! What took you so long?â Take that back, she was still breathing.
âItâs a long story. A story that should be kept for a-hey Sarah you canât just go eating the sauce like that!â
Few hours later
It was awhile after I could get Sarah to put her clothes on and step down from the table. I had to use my very persuasive skills and bribery of chocolate to get her to stop her strip dance. It was a disturbing sight and thank god I closed the curtains. I had a grandma living right next door, and gosh she hates me. Sheâll use anything to bring me down. And I really donât have time for that, after all I need to go shopping and get disinfectant or I am never ever eating on that table again.
Ok, youâre probably wondering what happened in those few hours? Well letâs rewindâŠ.
After Sarah had finished slurping the sauce she had targeted the pads. Now, I really didnât know what she was going to do with those, but I knew it wasnât going to be good. We had both launched at the same time, and fortunately I reached it first. I grabbed it and threw it out the window; yeah I donât know why I did that. But Sarah got really depressed and she began balling her eyes out, because apparently she wanted to use them for her âartworkâ. So then I told her Iâll get some more, because she was annoying the hell out of me and left the room for two minutes. After my return I realized two things, one SpongeBob was on, and two Sarah was missing. Now the latter wasnât that important so I chose to ignore it and watched some very serious PG rated SpongeBob.
Ok, I may have watched about ten episodes before I began to worry about Sarah. So being the good little angel, I went to search for her and boy you would never guess. I found her in the next minute pealing of her clothes and giving me a strip show on the dinner table. If mom was here she would be blessing the table and pouring holy water in my eyes.
So that brought us back to the present, where Sarah is happily devouring a chocolate bar and sitting Indian style on the floor.
âYou know Isabelâ she asked as she wiped her mouth on her top, âwe should totally go outâ.
Yeah s-wait what?!
âWe can go to the movies and theâŠ.â
Oh my god, I knew Sarah said she wasnât into me like that, but that was about 2 years ago. People change, things change, and Sarahâs interested in me.
Better put her off nicely, after all sheâs pregnant and could probably kill me with a pen.
âSarah how many times do I have to tell you, I am not interested!â Ok a bit harshâŠ.
âHuh?â
âWell I donât want to go out with you.â
A look of understanding dawned on her face and I couldnât help but feel this was like de ja vu. âIsabel I meant as friendsâ.
Oh, rightâŠ.
âAnyway I was thinking tomorrow we could go baby shopping and then maybe catch a movie.â
âNope not going to happen.â
âWait, why?â she whined.
âLike I said, just because youâre staying at my house doesnât mean where friends. You have to prove your loyalty.â
There was a moment of absolute silence and I swear I could hear the grandma next door snoring away. Lazy ass.
âYeah, rightâŠâ
âWell, Iâm going to go get the pads from outsideâŠ.â I replied awkwardly. Good work Belly, you really know how to make an awkward situation even more awkward
Chapter 4: What is with this story?Chapter 4: What is with this story?
There are moments in life that you wish you can erase. Like the time your mum walks in and youâre doing something you shouldnât; now people, no wrong thinking. Tsk, tsk.
But the point is I really wish I could have taken back what happened to me. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life and just thinking about it makes me blush. Well letâs go back into the not-so-long-ago past and view what occurred on the fateful day.
I had gone outside to grab the pads that, letâs just say âslippedâ out of my hands when all of a sudden the devil appeared. Yes in all its glory. Its hair was whipping in the wind and its red nails dripping with blood. Its eyes were glowing and its fangs were drawn to rip my insides out. But never fear because I, the great heroine, defeated the beast with my great courage and determination. Showing her whoâs the boss of this area.
âHi miss Knight, is there something troubling you?â I inquired as I stuck a radiant smile on my face.
Yes, so courageous, but if you ever meet this women youâll be shitting your pants. She was demonic, and I swear she kills young children at night by beating them with a shoe.
âHello Isabel, what do you have there?â she asked as her eyes zoned in on the pads. Oh god I am doomed. Good bye world, good bye sweet home, oh how Iâll miss you dearly. I cleared my throat nervously and cast my eyes downwards.
Ok think Belly, think!
âOh wow would you look at thisâŠ.pads in my handsâŠfrom my lawnâŠI wonder who put them there?â
âWho put them thereâ, are you serious, is that the best I could come up with? No one stupid enough would believe that-
âBelly, how terrible! Someone placed pads on the lawn? I mean this is revolting, despicable, and unforgivableâ she thundered.
âYeah, I know. Disgusting, how could they vandalize my home!â Ok time to stop Belly, just leave while you can. Whatever you do, donât pour more fuel into the conversationâŠbut itâs me where talking aboutâŠ
âI mean, I feel so vandalized and hurt. And why would they commit such a crime! Itâs outrageous. â
The old hag nodded her head in understanding. âWe should take this to the police; maybe we could get some fingerprintsâ.
âYeah we should-wait what?â
âThe police Belly, theyâll help us-â
âHa, ha, ha, no need for extremes Miss Knight. Anyway they wonât helpâ. And to emphasize my point I began flapping my hands.
âDonât worry I have connectionsâ.
Oh holy fudge, was that an evil glint in her eye? Donât tell me she knows. Oh well, then I wonât let her win, I wonât admit it, that I was the criminal. And anyway, how could she possibly have âconnectionsâ, itâs probably just a bluff.
âOk Miss Knight, if you insist. But I donât know if itâll be helpful, after all it probably came from a store and has a lot of finger printsâŠâ
âOh no worries dear, I just want to make sure my neighbors safe since her parents are out and aboutâ. Why does she make that sound so bad?
âWe can go in my carâ. No Iâll rather just stay home I thought bitterly.
âMaybe we can even buy something afterâ. I donât want to eat things with the likes of you.
âThen you can tell me how youâve beenâ. Stop prying old hag.
âWe can even feed the fish and go to the zooâ. Can I throw you into the lionâs den?
âSo letâs go Belly!â she called, and then grabbing my hand in a death grip she dragged me to her car. Is it just me, or are all old ladyâs really strong?
âI just had a new paint job done on my car; youâre going to love itâ.
Love it my ass. When I saw it I nearly went blind. It was a bright neon yellow bug that seemed to glow. How the heck was I meant to âloveâ it, when it was the brightest thing in the world that I could barely see it? I wouldnât be surprised if a car crash happened when where driving past.
âYeah, I totally dig its new look. Itâs just so out thereâ I said as I threw my hands out to get my point across.
She cackled like a witch and practically flung me into the front seat. âYouâre so funny dearâ.
Is it just me or does she sound like sheâs possessed?
At the police station.
It turns out that the old hag was actually telling the truth when she said she had connections, and holy fish I was scared. I was waiting for them to walk in and arrest me on the spot, then throw me in jail with she-men; which are women that look like men.
So when the detective came in, I was about to cry out my plea and beg for holy forgiveness.
âWe have some news. Now I need you to remain calm-â how are we meant to remain calm after you said that?
âBut it seems the pads have the fingerprints of-â, this is the end, take me awayâŠ
âA wanted criminal!â Oh I-come again?
Is this for real? A wanted criminal was touching pads? Where the hell is this story going towards? What kind of plot is this?
I heard a gasp. âYour saying there was a criminalâ, pointing at me, âin her yard?! Andâ, now she got down low as if she was going to tell a secret, âpossibly acting as a peeking tom?â Ok no need to get ahead of yourselfâŠ
âPossibly, and what Iâm about to tell you is for your ears only, understand?â he asked, and at that moment I felt
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