Color Us Crazy by brea isomee (the chimp paradox .txt) 📖

the last time we on speaking terms . I promise you ."

Did i sound harsh ? I didn't mean to . All i wanted was Trinity in my arms , that's it . But she couldn't even do that even though i could see she wanted to . Why was she even with Devon ? She plastered a smile on her face in front of him but it was still obvious she didn't love that nigga . Why couldn't she just face facts , it'd make it so much easier . Besides , i wasn't about to keep chasing behind her if she kept blowing me off . I don't need that shit .

Devon cut in " she don't fucking want you !"

I pushed Trinity out the way and cocked my arm back to punch Devon square in his jaw . But before i could swing i felt a had grab on to my arm . I tried to snatch my arm free so i could beat the idiot in front of me to a bloody pulp but whoever was holding me was a little too strong .

" that's enough . " said Mr . Stephon , the basketball coach " okay ! Everybody clear out of here , there is nothing to see . "

As people began to walk away the usual noises from the cafeteria drowned out the silence that was once there , but it couldn't erase the tension that was as thick as a board between me and Devon as he and his friends walked to the other side of the cafeteria .

" i'ma see you later my nigga , " that was Sal .

Michael chimed in " yeah , much love ."

I sighed and as Mr.Stephon loosened his grip i was finally able to pull my arm free .

" son , you're new here , a good kid . You're a good basketball player too . Don't let anything get to you . I'll see you at practice after school . And , uh , don't do anything stupid ." He walked from the cafeteria .

There i was , standing in the middle of the cafeteria surrounded by noise and instead of hearing it all , i heard nothing . My brain was only focused on one thing , Trinity . From where i stood i could see her kissing Devon and it was really pissing me off . Those were my lips she was putting on the low life ! But , you know , if you let some one go and they come back to you then it's meant to be .

The only thing i could do was keep my distance and ignore everything that had anything to do with her .

____________________

-Trinity-

Was i just catching an extreme case of stupidity ?

I didn't love Devon , i didn't want to walk away from Rodney with him , i didn't want to be kissing him but it was all for the best . I think .

I was confused , i wanted to convince myself that what i was feeling for Rodney was all a fake and that he'd hurt me at any minute so i had to be ready . But that wasn't true , Rodney didn't want to hurt me . My feeling were so twisted .

Anybody would tell me to just dump Devon and move on with Rodney but it's not that simple , it's really not .

After lunch i walked into my next class with Ivory beside me blabbing about some boy she'd met . When i looked around the room i saw Rodney , but of course he didn't even look up at me . He was laughing at something Sal was saying as Alexis sat on his desk top running her hand over his head .

Jealous wasn't even the word . I was beyond jealous , beyond furious , beyond pissed off . Everything in me wanted to go rip Rodney's head off and then go rip Alexis's fingers from her hand one by one . Crazy , i know , but it's just how i was feeling . I walked in the direction of Rodney's desk and when i reached him i didn't even know what to say . My heart was beating almost out of my chest . He still didn't look at me , he just continued on laughing and talking with Sal like i wasn't standing directly in front of him .

Alexis took the liberty of speaking for him " hi , may i help you ? Rodney is after all talking , but is it something you would like ?"

" what i would like is to speak to Rodney . So you can shut up ."

" girl - "

Rodney held up a hand to stop her and then he turned to look at me with cold eyes , showing no emotion . He didn't say anything he just looked me up and down with disgust on his face , and when i asked could we talk he waved his hand at me as if to dismiss me .

That hurt , more than i thought it would . What hurt even more was that i knew i deserved it .

I put my head down and hurried to my seat in the front of the class room . Not only could i hear Alexis mumbling " stupid bitch " and laughing at me with her friends , but i could also hear Rodney saying how i didn't mean shit to him .

I sighed as i let a single tear slip down my cheek and fall onto the desk .

____________________________

-Rodney-

"when the rain stops , when the fog clears ,

when the pieces come together , when there are no more tears ,

when the lies stop , when everything you say becomes sincere ,

. . . then i can love you ."

I scribbled the words onto a blank piece of paper , and just as i finished the last line i ripped the paper to shreds .

Love hurts sometimes .

-Rodney-

Days passed , 2 to be exact , and we hadn't spoken . We passed each other in the halls at school like we'd never even met , and although it was irking me , she was the one who made her choice when she walked away from me in the lunchroom the other day . I told her that if she did we wouldn't be on speaking terms but i guess she thought i was kidding . The situation was eating at my insides . Alexis had been pretty much keeping me company doing what it is that girlfriends do . So , guess in a way you could say me and her were together . She'd met my mother and everything , but my mother didn't like her for shit . She knew that me and Alexis were sexual just by our body language . But , Alexis didn't really mean shit to me . Sex is nothing if it's not with the person you really care for or love .

After school on Friday my brain was spinning and i guess my mother could tell i wasn't doing so well because as soon as she saw my face when i walked into the door she dragged me into the kitchen so we could have a talk .

I sat down at the kitchen table and watched as she began to prepare dinner " ma' , what is this about ? Me , Sal , and Michael were going to hang at Sal's house ."

" well , talk me first . I'm more important , aren't i ?" she asked teasingly .

" of course , ma' . So was sup ?"

" what's going on with you and that little girl you brought by here yesterday ?"

I sighed , i knew that was coming " nothing ."

" oh really ? That's not what i see . Who is she ?"

" my girlfriend ."

" do you like her ."

" to a certain extent , i guess so . "

My mother flipped the chicken that was frying in the skillet , stirred the macaroni and cheese then came to sit across from me at the table " i'm too young to have grand kids ."

I tried to hide the amusement that was clear on my face " and i don't want kids ."

At least not with Alexis , i thought to myself .

" sounds like we're on the same page then . No sex ."

Okay , that was it . I broke out into a laughing fit " no . . . sex ? . . You . . . Must be . . Crazy ." i said in between laughter .

" i'm not laughing ."

I calmed down a bit " ma' , Marcus got like 3 kids and 1 on the way and you ain't saying shit to him . "

" no , but i'm saying something to you . No , sex ."

"ma' , we both know i'm not a virgin so let's not even do this . And i'm not stupid enough to get some random girl pregnant anyways ."

" stupidity doesn't get girls pregnant , dicks do . Remember that ."

My mother went back to the stove to continue cooking the food .

She could be a trip sometimes if she wanted to be but i knew she was just looking out for me and i appreciated that . I loved my mother to death , no one could ever replace her . She might not be as old as my father but she knows what the hell she be talking about .

" stupidity doesn't get people pregnant , dicks do . . . " My mother's word echoed in my mind as i took a quick shower and put on a clean outfit . She was always right when it came to anything but that doesn't mean i'd follow exactly what she said . I'd just be even more care full .

________________________

-Trinity-

I woke up Saturday morning , still tired and too exhausted to move . The previous night i'd gone to the 24 hour gym down the block from my apartment building and i worked myself almost until i couldn't move anymore . I had to blow off some kind of steam or else i wasn't sure if i was going to make it much longer .

Through the past week i'd been kind of pushing Devon away ever since he and Rodney had gotten into that argument . Shit hadn't been the same with Devon for a while and it took Rodney coming into my life for me to even notice it . Devon treated me good , yeah , but he really only thought i was a trophy wife when in reality i had dreams .

I wanted to be a surgeon . Yeah , that's alot of school but that's what i wanted to be ,