Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (ebook reader below 3000 .txt) 📖

“The C.U committee chairman made sure I don’t get a job in any other university for at least a year, it’s not like I didn’t know about it. It was all about luck which I’m clearly lacking in. Every dog has its day and today, it sure wasn’t mine.”

Rowan’s frustration was hitting rock bottom again because the next thing, he grabbed for a bottle of Jack Daniels and poured himself a second glass. I refrained from spouting any smart remarks but I couldn’t keep my cool when he downed a fifth drink. I snatched the bottle away from the island, “You need to STOP drinking. This isn’t going to solve your problems and neither is it gonna give you a job.”

OKAY. I might’ve crossed the line there.

“I love it when you rub my issues back in my face; it just reminds me of how worthless I am.” That didn’t stop him from taking another swig, his voice laced with sarcasm, “You patronize me in a very polite way, Alana. A rare talent.”

“I’m not patronizing you,” I blew out a breath, “I think you should quit drinking.”

 “I see the change in you.” He said acidly, downing another glass as he added the ranch dressing to the salad.

“Excuse me?”

“You’ve been acting very strange lately; it looks like Dwight screwed up your brain that other day you were in his bedroom.” I heard him put emphasis on the last word. “You never had a problem with my drinking before, and all of a sudden; you have a damn problem with everything that’s me.”

“You don’t have one drink, Rowan. We are talking about downing a bottle at a time. I had no idea what triggered the anger inside you and I didn’t know why it heightened, now I do. Dwight never said anything against you. In fact, he helped me figure you out more.”

 “So now I’m the bad guy?” his voice filled with dread and annoyance. I wanted to butt kick this guy hard. “You wanted to know about my past, why didn’t you ask me?”

“For starters, you suffocate me with your insecurities.” It was time I downed a bottle or two. “If you don’t cut it out, you’re gonna pull us apart. Do you want that, Rowan? Do you want me gone? Maybe if I go away, you’ll be able to drink as much as you want.”

The thought of leaving him was horrifying even for me.

Rowans eyes went wide in horror and confusion, the thought of us not staying together was torturing him from the inside. His mocha eyes smoldered to a softer shade, “Don’t say that baby, please. I’ll try my best to quit, Alana, You’re all I want.”

“Then will you do something for me?”

“Just say it.”

“I’m gonna make an appointment with Dr Sydney Thompson, let’s go see her together.”

“You think I need to see a shrink?” his calm voice was going to blast in a second, my instincts never lied, “YOU THINK I’M CRAZY?”

“There’s no harm in a session. Only one, if you don’t like it—we’ll step out. I promise.”

Rowan let out a loud growl before dropping the large sized crystal bowl shattering down.

“You stop that right now or I’ll walk out that door and not come back.”

“Do you even know what those medicines do to me?” his voice crackled, the tears dripping from the corners, “They control me, those doctors can’t do shit to me—they talk crap about how I’m going to be alright. Do I seem alright to you, Alana? I’ve spent years being institutionalized, trying to become stable again and they told me I’d be okay once I’m out but it keeps coming back. Those demons keep controlling me and NO FREAKING BODY can do anything about it.”

Manic depressions.  Anti-psychotic medication.

Was I doing this to him? Was I putting him back in the pit of darkness that he’d been recovering from?

“Don’t push me in that place, Alana. I don’t want to go there. It’s pitch black.” He sniffled.

“I’m not telling you to get admitted in a psychiatric hospital, I’m just saying you should talk to her. If I’m with you, I might be able to stop whatever’s happening. I can help you, Rowan.”

Rowan gave me the silent treatment again, we had dinner in silence after which I cleaned up the house, helped with the laundry while he sat cooped up in his room staring into space, and the best way to let him deal with his issues was to leave him alone. One peek into Minnie’s room and she appeared to be sleeping soundlessly, I left the apartment.

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