Cloudy Days of Winter by J Costeano (a book to read TXT) 📖

Her Last Breath

The last words that came from her soft lips were the last words that would last forever in my mind for the rest of my life. The thought of her passing before me was the hardest thing I had ever learned to challenge and deal with. So I held her hand and looked into her watery eyes as her warm tears came rolling down her face. I was strong for that entire moment which lasted a second that seemed to last for eternity,until I felt her warm dripping tears running across my lingering hands and fingers. At that moment I just broke down and gave in to the pain and suffering that I had been trying to hold back for so long.

I just held her closer and her body tighter as I held her face gently with the other hand assuring I would be right by her side as I looked into her confused lifeless eyes. It was hard fighting back tears that just poured endlessly down my face. As far as I knew, it was the end of the world for the both of us at that time. We both knew that our time together was coming to a complete dead end. Deep within my heart that was once so much filled with love and forgiveness, I now had begun to hate and blame God for what was about to happen to us. Knowing I was acting with a chill factor that exceeded way beyond the level of frost that was now rushing throughout my heart & veins. I still could not find the heart to forgive him one last time.

I knew God had felt my anger and he was truly listening but was doing nothing and I now was wondering if he had ever heard all of my prayers from before. Knowing that they went unanswered for so long until now, I just closed my eyes that were blurred by thick watery tears and grabbed her closer as I looked up to the sky. There was no doubt in my mind that by now God was watching me by the color of the dark illuminated clouds from up above that surrounded us in such a hurry. Thunder and lighting seemed to hurdle on it’s way downward towards us, I could even smell the rain coming from up above. I then challenged myself as I said to God violently from within my own mind and sound. “A servant of God and now an Angel up in heaven, and it was I who was there alone before she had perished, why couldn’t you just spare her life for she did nothing wrong to deserve this.”

“God Damn You! How could you let this have happened to her and I, only to be stuck here despairing all-alone all over once again?” I watched her lifeless body slipping away and gave her one final last farewell kiss on her lips and forehead, then finally whispered softly into her ear goodbye forever one last time. Then she slipped away…

Now and Zen

I remember when we first met and how we both ended up. Every now and then I think about you. I can’t forget about all those wonderful moments we spent together.
How have you been?
What is it like now?

Have you ever wondered it would be just like this right from the very beginning?
Can you see me underneath you from up above?

I remember when I used to see your face, but now it’s only when I awake from the night of silence and come to realize you are no longer there. I can’t get it out of my head when I watched you go.

Everything that I have still smells like you and there’s nothing more that I want more than to see you there.

I sure hope that you’re happy were ever you are, even though I want you back you are still in my eyes when you are not so there.

Now that you’re gone, somewhere up there in the clouds in heaven. Where I knew you should be on the day you left me, and one day I’ll be right there with you.

I know now it has to be this way, but somehow we ended up this way for some reason. I know one of these days we will be one again instead of two like we are here.

Maybe someday we will be again like we did, just from the start. Some other way, some other day and for sure some other place than were we were and that’s the place was we will meet together once again.

It's Just You


No more weary teary eyes
Just sunny skies
Never have I felt so alone
My how much I have grown
Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be
As I'm walking' down the street
Maybe it's just you and me
We'll never even miss a beat
Maybe all that I love is You
Just You
I’m just captured by your love
I'm such a fool for falling for you
I remember the day you laid your hand upon my heart
And it tore my world apart
There's been so many times that I have prayed
To hear you speak my name
And there’s been so many times I could never see you face to face
I search for you everyday
Take me away
All that I know is I still love you
Only You
Come what will and come what may
I know my love will remain
Through the joy and through all the pain
I surrender through the pounding rain
Take me away with you
All the way, I love you
And will always miss you
Even though your just a dream

It Dosen't Has To Be


You know it doesn’t have to be this way, even though if we are or aren’t, even if we could be, we still don’t have to be this way and this still doesn’t have to end by any means this way.
You are there and I am here, we are two worlds apart and when were together both of our worlds collided, it’s probably better off you are there and now that I am here.
We can keep it this way even though it still doesn’t have to be this way at all...

Lost In Love


I dreamt of you night and day. I thought of you and the things you would say.
But there is one thing I knew and there is one thing I know. How could we have been
so outrageously down right so low to just blow each other off? There is something we
can’t sew, nor is there something we can’t mend like a piece of metal that can never
bend.
My heart was torn, your heart was broken, and now our words are final- we have
spoken. You were my angel from up above and I used to give you all my love. You still
are my angel and that can never be replaced. Not even with a smile or even a brand
new face. You and only you is all I need, like a flower that grows from the smallest seed.
You had my soul at hello, you had my heart even when we were far apart-much like a
piece of paper I wrote, you ripped and torn apart like my heart and threw it all away.
The things you did and the things you said, could it have been all a bad dream or was it
all in my head?
Now all this pain and all this sorrow will still be here throughout tomorrow.
Now our relationship will never be the same and all it will be was the toughest wicked
game. Out of you, and out of me, you had to have the power, like the softest petals of
the brightest flower. As I think of the days that we had shared, I think of why you said
you cared. When all it was, was a lie to the point it made feel like I wanted to shrivel up and die right
so deep inside.
I always said I missed you, I always said I loved you. But there were many times I
hated you and there were many times I hugged and kissed you and made an effort to
make up for all that. though at times I felt like missing you when you were almost never
there. I’m losing my mind, I don’t know what to do? I’m going crazy just thinking how
much in love I am with you. I’m not only losing a lover but at the same time I’m losing
my best friend and that is why my unconditional love for you will not ever end-and I
hope you always know that you were my one, you were my only and now without you
I’m going to be so lonely…

Goodbye Without a Kiss

There we both went departing on our own separate ways. By the look in your eyes, I knew when you said goodbye. This would be the last we ever would be together without a kiss.

Like the rose on the table, and the vase that caressed the whole stem as it was held forever so gently. So vibrant, and so fragrant day after day. Then one dark cloudy afternoon it seemed to finally shrivel up losing its’ beautiful shape and color, eventually pedals fell away.

Full of life just as you and I, then you drifted away much like the clouds up there along with the pedals we threw together into the wind on that sunny day…

Scent of a Rose

When ever I used to leave in the morning, your scent would seem to remain on me like the scent of a rose.

It reminded me of you constantly.

I hated to wash your scent off, I just want you on me all day.

When ever I'm taking a hot steamy shower, I always thought of those times we were soaping eachother up and down.

It's a great sensation, because know matter what I'll be doing. I'll always seem to find those sweet things that remind me of you.

Confessions of Love

I must confess, I honestly didn’t know where my heart was going to end up, nor did I realize when I would ever find the new meaning of love with so much sensual passion again until I met you.

Since both of our lives crossed each others paths,
I found myself pollinated by your nectar.

Very much like honey, sweet and golden.

But for the most part, I found myself in heaven when
I was completely locked by your arms throughout the
night.

Glimpse of You


When I first saw you, I wanted to meet you.
When I met you, I wanted to get to know you.
When I got to know you, That’s when I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my entire life with you!

No Road to Home

It’s just my like luck.
Off shore nautical miles and torn apart from you.
So don’t be scared, I’ll be right back.
Up ahead, the shore was so cold and no road.
Though that doesn’t mean I won’t be home.
I’m not dead, I’m still breathing.
Just