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A Muddle of Minions Meddlesome

Rowan Blaize:

Book One of the Enchanted Heritage Chronicles

By Jonathan Kieran

 

A Muddle of Minions Meddlesome

 

Images of cities tumbling:

bastions; ramparts; archways crumbling.

Time and War all signs unheeded,

scepters smashed, their kings defeated.

Thousands surge in shadowed shape,

upon their lips one cry—“Escape!”

Behold the waiting Sea of Tears.

They plunge from cliffs, beset by spears …

 

The dream that clutched my waking mind

like smoke in wind dispelled.

‘Twas not by crushing ruins

but with hands that I was felled!

 

“Knock him down and search him now!”

a hundred voices wailed.

I tried to grab a branch and swat them off—

alas, I failed.

 

“His coat is full of thistles, boys!

Watch out or you’ll get stuck.

By Mab, these boots are trollskin!

How is that for faery luck?”

 

“Remove your hands at once from me,”

I muttered in the dark.

“Not wise to wake a sorcerer

who’s sleeping in the park.”

 

“And pray what kind of sorcerer,”

one wheedling voice began,

“goes napping in a tree-trunk like

some drunken mortal man?”

 

“I’ll take no cheek from likes of you,

nor any in your crowd!

A warlock sleeps wherever

and waits not to be allowed.”

 

This bravery meant nothing

for I was, in fact, surrounded

by a gang of wretched woodland sprite:

How earnestly they hounded!

 

The night had plainly fallen

but I did not know the hour.

Assaulted by these rabble fey,

I rued my lack of power.

 

At least two hundred of them swarmed,

the size of gecko lizards.

Sapphire eyes were sparkling like

the crystal runes of wizards.

 

What grave miscalculation

to have wandered from the road!

With laughter each fey mocked me

as their skin in moonlight glowed.

 

They grabbed my hair in handfuls

and they dragged me from the tree.

I landed on my rump and hoped

I’d squashed one, two, or three.

 

But faery folk are swift as wind,

so out of reach they scattered.

Once they bound my hands with vine

no fit or tantrum mattered.

 

“Enough, you little insects!

From these revelries desist.

I had no clue that in these woods

A fey tribe might exist.”

 

“That’s your misfortune, Sleepy,”

said one clamped upon my collar.

“To know the mere potential, friend,

does not require a scholar.”

 

“Please listen,” I protested

as they wrapped me up in cords.

“I thought you’d long died-out round here,

much less survived in hordes!”

 

A frightful din of catcalls echoed

through the ferny dell.

“How like a snobby warlock to assume

we’d gone to hell!

 

“We saw you sneaking in our wood,”

one added with a glare.

“We guessed you was a sorcerer

whose powers are threadbare.

 

“Just look at your condition, Sir,

Your clothes is wet and ripped!

No wizard worth his wand would walk

around like that,” he quipped.

 

“It’s true that I am ill just now,

no other way to spin it.

But rest assured my powers will

come back at any minute.

 

“And when they do you may expect

a rather grand display

of magic that will turn you all

to bits of molding clay.

 

“And when you’ve been transformed

I’ll take each lump that has offended,

then put them on a potter’s wheel

till all your bits are blended!

 

“I’ll probe and shape that messy blob

until at last I’ve got

an object fitting for the kiln

—a faery chamber pot!”

 

Each sprite let out an angry gasp;

their pride I had insulted.

I thought the threat might sway their plans

but no such thing resulted.

 

Instead, their cheeky “leader,”

who was camped on my lapel,

said, “Drag him to the King, my lads.

He’s got no hex or spell.”

 

A mob on the periphery

were mad as ants to see

what loomed in Farmer’s basket

as it leaned against the tree.

 

“Behold and be astonished, friends,

and gather round, my brothers!

This basket’s full of mortal treats,

like cheese and several others.”

 

One fey sliced the country ham

to brandish on his knife.

“A chance to eat some piggie, lads.

By Mab, don’t tell me wife!”

 

Two more grabbed the thermos top

and strained till it came loose.

Then sniffing in, they gave a grin:

“Great gods, it’s CHICKEN JUICE!”

 

“You have no right to pilfer there,”

I snapped while being dragged.

“And you no power to stop us, Sir,”

the faery captain bragged.

 

Now tightly bound and helpless

in the noisy, teeming mass,

I struggled as they heaved me ho

through rock and dirt and grass.

 

I could not place this breed of fey

(there are so many tribes)

but noticed how stick-thin they were

while listening to their jibes.

 

The lot of them seemed starving

and their garb far worse than mine.

Why, most were clothed in bits of moss

held up with lengths of twine.

 

A fool I was to even let

such Forest Folk unseat me.

Much worse would be my day

if I allowed the imps to eat me!

 

Such things are not unheard of,

and it has been known for ages

that faeries hit by famine

have a taste for stricken mages.

 

Most, of course, would never dare

since, even if they ate one,

a warlock’s friends could take revenge …

if he had been a great one.

 

Diplomacy is always wise

for spirits thinking clearly.

But caution is no guarantee

when meat is craved so dearly!

 

“I say, you lanky specimen!

If you knew what was best,

you’d loose these bonds and treat me

like a cherished, honored guest.”

 

The captain stood as ever and,

with most surprising haste,

his mates my body hauled across

the muddy woodland waste.

 

“I’ll thank you to reserve remarks

for parley with the King.”

The captain gestured with a twig-sized spear,

my nose to sting.

 

“Oh, give up all that posturing!”

I said with rolling eyes.

“We both know you won’t harm me;

to your king I’ll be a prize.”

 

“That much is true,” the captain huffed

as forest gloom grew thicker.

“Now, if you’ll give your name

‘twill make the introductions quicker!”

 

“As if I’d fall for that old trick,”

I scoffed beneath my captor.

“Should you be writing some bright book,

then please leave out that chapter.

 

“I know what faery folk can do,

provided with a name.

We’ve all toyed with that magic,

so your overture is lame.”

 

“They really must be backward fey,”

I muttered to myself.

“To think that I’d just give my name

to such a pesky elf.”

 

For names are rife with power,

whether common or renowned,

and all who practice magic know:

Through names are forces bound.

 

As word alone, a name can strike,

Can punish and subdue.

A name can conjure kingdoms lost …

or wipe-out kingdoms new.

 

“To pass the time on this most scenic

unexpected trip,

I think I’ll try to guess your name,”

I sneered with snaking lip.

 

“Jacky Peasy-Blossom, is it?

Henry Mustard Seed?

Perhaps your name is Albert

Mucky Duckling Dill-Wad Reed?”

 

“Oh, have your lovely laugh, my friend,

for very very soon,

when face to face with King Narzell

you’ll sing a different tune!”

 

“Aha!” I cried as leaves and tangled branches

brushed my face,

as over bumpy ground these faeries

dragged me on apace.

 

My captor put his hand up to his

mouth and firmly clamped it.

He lifted up a foot and on my breast

he madly stamped it.

 

“You tricky little wizard!”

the frustrated faery seethed.

“It’s not fair play—you know how easy

Wee Folk are deceived.”

 

“Indeed I do, and though my spells

have sadly blown a fuse,

you gave your monarch’s name.

That’s an advantage I can use!”

 

“By Gor’ we’ll see,” the faery whimpered

ruing his mistake.

“We’re coming to the palace now …

the King my bones will break!”

 

Wrapped up like a mummy,

like a fly in spider strands,

I saw the poorest “palace”

I had seen in all the lands.

 

The puckish rout had rolled me

down a hill into a glade.

A bonfire blazed and on the edge of night

weird shadows made.

 

A host of rag-tag creatures lurked

within that midnight camp,

expressions tinged with misery,

some coughing in the damp.

 

From every nearby branch they swung

or lounged on mushroom stools.

Some peeked at me from rustic huts

or puddle swimming-pools.

 

The common trait to all I saw

was splendor that survived

in meager hints that proved

their noble ways no longer thrived.

 

From canyon pass to aerie peak

and cave where echoes ring,

of faery pomp and pageantry

the world once used to sing.

 

 

Jonathan Kieran is an author and illustrator with a passion for world travel and ancient history ... and an occasionally bewildered grasp of the present. Officially launching January 2013, the 'Rowan Blaize' books are the first offerings in Jonathan's Enchanted Heritage Chronicles series, with a multitude of additional works on the way.

Learn more at www.rowanblaize.com.

 

Imprint

Publication Date: 04-08-2013

All Rights Reserved

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