The Space Noir Bar by Michael Marino (readict books .TXT) 📖

piercing glare with that alien in the headlight look he was famous for, but he was not aware of his excessive expressive facial fame. “What the hell are you talking about..secret missions...weird experiments...if this is all true why don’t I have a book by you about it or at least a few articles I could sell..you know by holding back you’re costing us both money asshole. Money, I might add that keeps my company open so I can publish your books to keep you in Soma and whores.” 

 

I ordered another round of prized Canadian beer….hard to find on the black maple leaf market but safer than that cheap Neptunian crap a lot of the Detroit dives tried to pass off on the unsuspecting public laced with tranqs and food dye to bogus it up and make it presentable until the vomiting started..and it was unmasked as a counterfeit concoction.

 

“Alright Arthur, confession time. The Tohos were onto a project so deviant in nature we had to monitor it for the sake of Retropolin safety. You see they were  committed to and have created a whole race of 20th Century Mechanical Barbie Doll Sex Workers intent on taking over the world of good old fashioned vice. They made one, a leader, a fascist Nazi Barbie robot, activated it  and it’s A-I was so advanced i escaped from the toy store and requested political plastic toy asylum in waht was at one time South America... so don't cry for her Argentina, she's probably alive and well in Rio in Brazil!”

 

I could see Arthur’s brain in mathematical gear ..figuring out gross and net sales, agency fees and commissions and finally my paltry plate of royalties to be handed over...slowly as if I were a panhandler with leprosy. So I continued to fondle and play with his bottom line.

 

“Toho managed to capture her and by adding juiced up A-I programs  they’ve created a community of sexually driven maniac female Barbie machine dolls whose intent it is to have sex with all mankind! Our Retropolin investigation  led us to the Toho compound of composite materials where we managed to unearth the truth! So far there are now in addition to the pubic perfect Barbie...they have a legion of inflatable Barbies designated as Blow Up Barbies. We managed to confiscate one and she is a real valve buster as her valve is positioned properly in the pelvic region of the promised land of promiscuity. Retropolin research teams spent hours inflating and deflating, inflating and deflating until the doll actually achieved a form of blow up orgasm!” 

I swear Arthur was pumping his primer at all this..book sales were sex to Mr. Burns. Space Bucks better than space fucks. Well, to each his or her own. I mind my own business, unless I’m hired for cash to stick it in someone else’s business.

 

“Arthur,” I flirted, “It gets better. Recently the Tohos unveiled the legion of Plus Sized Barbies with ample amounts of flesh north and south of her shaved Mason-Dixon Line and her shape a delicious meat and potatoes tits and ass look. She is large and she is sexy and she can take on Skipper and Ken at the same time and once done with them she's ready go at it with another plus size Barbie! We found out there are plans to create a conglomerate of Lesbian Barbie dolls with the sole purpose of hitting on Chatty Kathys, Talking Tina’s and to see if they can make Betsy Wetsy! Bet they can! The come complete with a double headed dildo with two business ends on it so they can use one side to insert and slide while also getting up close and vaginal personal with a partner using the other end. You know what they say...two heads are better than one and in this case...more fun too!”

Arthur was over the edge by now, and Sandoz had to turn his head so his leering grin wouldn’t spoil my aim as I went for Arthur’s the accountant’s books are cooked and not really in the black headshots.

 

“You see Arthur, next is right up your alley or your arse as Sandoz would say just to irritate me, Femdom Barbie is coming! She will be the real ball buster Toho is ready to launch in early spring. She'll have GI Joe on his khaki knees before you know it and Ken will tremble in fear at her feet! These Mecha-Barbies come with a bunker playhouse compound and nice clothes..this one will come with slave cage, cat-o-nine-tails, leather thongs and leather boots and a fetish for foot worship. It also comes with an erection erector set so Ken can build the dungeon she'll keep him in until she's ready for him!”

Arthur was beyond the point of no return...right there at the damn table . “Then of course there is Bordello Barbie. The Whore of Mattel..she's swell! Patterned after the famous Mustang Ranch, Bordello Barbie comes in a variety of racial preferences from vanilla to hot chocolate, all sizes from the Bridget the Midget Barbie who can stand upright while performing oral sex and in bed can be lifted up and down with ease while performing a ballet of pole dancing and lap dancing at the same time!”

I saved the best for last just as he was about to pull a Pompeii in his pants.
“Other top and bottom Barbies are in the works for gift giving Arthur...this eyar in fact..but beware of Mecha-Barbie. She and her artificial intelligence minions have plans for us...to enslave the whole human race as they run amok...and if you've ever seen someone run amok..it's not a pretty sight! Toho and Barbie are out to conquer the world and must be stopped before the toy stores of Poland and France fall. It's time for GI Joe and his little bag of Retropolin army men take a stand and fight to the end...we must...band of brothers...we have to BLOW UP BLOW UP BARBIE before it's too late...it's time for one hell of a Barbie Blow Job!”

Oh man...Arthur let loose. I never heard of a fucking Jewish volcano, but one just erupted next to me in the bar that night. I would write about later. Arthur was ready to sell it to mags until it dawned on him... he was the Jewish volcano! 

 

 

Chapter Seven - Setting an Intercourse for Barbarella

 

Engaging in covert action on Robotia under the nose of the already paranoid Toho’s would not be an easy task, but getting there would be half the fun as we would have to make regular pit stops at various space stations put into orbital place by the phalanx of planets we would have to journey past on our way to solve the mystery and  abscond with the fabled Strip Tease Falcon. Then what? It’s power was infinite in that it controlled all artificial intelligence in the galaxy. It had absorbed remote power supplies of mechanical cyborgs and stored the power in a power plant on Robotia. It was only  a matter of time before the Toho’s would utilize this power to neutralize the power structure of the Dystopian Empire rendering it as effective as a neutered two headed Hydra Hound from the Baskerville Black Hole regency...that much was elementary. 

 

I got up early, hung-over and over again and still smiling, thinking about how I had got Arthur Burns frustrated and watched his quantum erupt to a “hai hai hai” big kick finish. Now it was time to get our asses in gear and hit the happy space trail so I fueled up the old classic Nicto rocket orbmbile manufactured by the now defunct Klatuu Barada assembly plant with factories located under the rocky surface of  the ninth moon of the planet Gort. At one time they were the premier prestige vehicle of inter-planetary travel...now merely an interesting nostalgic machine on a par Jack with the  no longer made Volkspacevagen made on Venus...and the yellow dwarf Yugo Gremlin from the Yelm sector.

 

OK, it wasn’t pretty, in fact it was a junker, but it had a souped up metallic hydrogen power plant with modified twin SRB solid propellant boosters to give the Nicto enough juice to escape a planet’s gravity to go boldly into space to galaxies far far away. She may look like space shit, but when when the space shit hits the Van Allen Sansa Belt Action Zone, it’s time to break on through to the other side past the magnetosphere and get ready to was your woody and ride the wild surf of space. 

 

Asrini was ready, willing and waiting  when I pulled up to the private docking port of her penthouse at the Penumbra Arms. This girl was class all the way. ut of my league Arthur admonished.  Her lifestyle was bought and paid for by the highest government bidder as she played both sides of the intrigue coin. I was outclassed and I knew it..she was Lady..I was the Tramp, but the smile she gave me as I gently penetrated her port was not condescending one proton iota. Her bag was packed tight and I could see the outline of a laser Luger holstered at her side adding in effect a third semi-auto breast locked and loaded and ready for action. 

 

“I’m ready” she said with a smile as inviting as a hopped up hooker on a full hypo. I helped her with her bag and she slid seductively into the seat next to me. Only the thrust shifter stood between me and a scene from an old Fellini film. 

 

“It’s gonna be a bumpy ride,” I said in a caustic throaty  feminine imitation of  a voice I had heard somewhere before. “We won’t make Robotia by tonight...probably take two days the way I estimate it. So we’ll stop at Saturn for the night and probably make Robotia after we clear Pluto and Goofy, the Disney planets.” 

 

As I fired up the boosters I noticed a look of consternation come over her face. “What’s wrong? Did I say something to blow my chances?” I immediately knew I had put my foot in my ample mouth with that last remark. What the fuck was I thinking...I wasn’t gonna make this dame. She was Venus and I was Puck... not to be taken seriously. 

 

“No, you didn’t” she said with a pout that was as sexy as it gets. I wanted to take her in my arms and protect her and die for her. “Then what, what?” The pause was pregnant and it was all because of my unthinking verbal semen that the convo got knocked up. At last she spoke, and I could see tears welling up in her giant brown eyes.

 

“I was hoping we could stop off at the Barbarella Planetoid Space Station instead of Saturn proper. I used to stay there in between  uh, assigned assignations, you know.  I needed to decompress and they know how to release sexual inhibitions after a long day on the job.”

 

Then the unthinkable happened, I opened my mouth, insert .45 and blow your brains out. “Sex to unwind after a day on the job of sex? Shit, that’s all your job was..fucking for secrets like bobbing for apples in someone’s pants!” I could see my words cut deep and it