Brain on Porn (Social #2) by DeYtH Banger (novels in english TXT) 📖

that doing this with negatively reinforcing behaviors, such as toxic eating patterns, can lead to harmful long-term results.

 

Therefore, be picky about what you distract yourself with, and make sure it fosters positive emotion and psychological wellbeing.

9. Solve another person's problem first, and get perspective.

“Serve first, seek second” should be the motto for anyone currently distressed by their perceived problems.

Your issue at hand can become so consuming that others may look at you like you’re living in your own mental world. And it takes something to break you out of it.

 

Helping others puts your issues in order by reminding you that we all go through tough times, some much more than you ever will.

That’s not to discount the struggles you’re going through, but helping others will restore balance and harmony in your life.

10. Remember that a perfect decision is never a bold one, so get started.

When your final years are approaching, you will not worry about how well you thought through your decisions, or how thoroughly and accurately you approached life’s forks in the road.

You will rest happily knowing you lived true to yourself, acted with confidence, and stood up for what you believed in.

So don't worry about the perfection of your decisions. Be swift to move forward, even if it is in the wrong direction. Boldness is respectable; carefulness has never changed the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 12.2 - Anxiety (Higher Levels)

Note: Be yourself

 

 

When You Fear Making the “Wrong” Decision

 

 

 

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

For the past three weeks, I've been trying to decide whether or not to move to Korea for a year. Some days I've completely made up my mind to take the trip. I get excited about teaching myself Korean and spend hours and hours online learning about the culture.

Other days, I'm an emotional wreck, terrified that I'm making the wrong decision.

What if I get homesick? What if I'm supposed to be doing something else? What if I don't like kimchi? What if? What if? What if?

And then there are those days where my mind resists all attempts to make any kind of decision at all. I'm immobilized, unable to push through the debilitating fear.

 

 

Being the self-reflective (over-analyzer) type that I am, I decided to dig deep within myself to find the root of this pesky little emotion that has been sabotaging my efforts to move forward, or in any direction, for that matter.

I realized that the issue isn't about being afraid to go to Korea. The real issue is that I have an overall fear of making the “wrong” decisions in my life.

 

 

Interestingly enough, I also realized that this brand of fear directly coincides with my decision to live a more purposeful and spiritually centered life.

(Record stops.)

Huh? I embarked upon this journey hoping to find inner peace, bliss, rainbows, and unicorns, and I actually seem to be experiencing more negative emotions than before. Seems counter-intuitive, right?

Not exactly.

 

What I've been interpreting as an increase in negative emotions can more accurately be described as a greater sensitivity to myself. I'm hearing the messages my mind, body, and spirit are trying to tell me because I've made a conscious decision to listen.

 

 

Listening closely to my fears about Korea made me aware of some pretty negative beliefs I held about myself and doubts I had in my abilities. The fear I was avoiding actually turned out to be the one thing that made my decision clear and gave me the courage I needed to prepare myself to go to Korea.

For those of you who may be struggling with your own fears, I'd like to share some lessons I've learned along the way:

Make peace with your emotions.

 

 

Emotions, even ones we assign negative value to, (like fear), provide us with valuable information and serve very specific functions. If you can get over the hostile relationship with emotions, they can be highly useful.

Emotions can:

let you know what's important to you prompt you to take some action guide you toward an aspect of yourself that needs to be exposed and healed let you know when you're out of balance so that you can bring it back to center

Understand that there are no “wrong” decisions.

It really takes the pressure off if you understand that every experience you have, whether you characterize it as “good” or “bad,” is exactly the experience you need to have at that moment. Some choices may lead to more painful lessons than others, but nothing hurts like living in fear.

 

 

When I was trying to decide whether or not to go on my trip, I had a friend who flipped a coin and made me commit to the outcome. Life involves some risk. Flip the coin and see where it leads you.

Intuition can use fear to help you grow.

 

Fear is often described as a psychological response to a perceived threat. Most scientists agree that when it comes to survival, fear has served an evolutionary purpose. It only makes sense to avoid things that can potentially harm you.

However, many of us have developed fear from negative experiences in our past. We have built a protective fence around our emotional scars, and learned to ward off anybody or anything that triggers an unconscious fear.

Sometimes our intuition guides us toward those things we fear the most so that we can push past them and become stronger as a result. The next time you feel fear, embrace it, examine it, and if guided to do so, move boldly toward it.

 

 

 

7 Mistakes Anxious People Make In Relationships

 

 

 

Anxiety sucks. Full stop. The end. And many people experience it to some degree, so you may wonder if you're someone who suffers from anxiety in a low-grade, day-to-day way or if it's something more like an anxiety disorder. Because it manifests in so many ways, it can be difficult to pin down, but wherever you fall on the anxiety spectrum it is tough. It's tough for you as person and it's tough on your relationships.

The same worry, circular thinking, panic that affects you is going to affect your partner, both directly and indirectly. Some of your anxiety will probably be about the relationship, but in a more general sense it will inform your behavior, which can also cause problems. While a lot of this may feel out of your control— a lot of being anxious is not feeling in control of your thoughts— you can control, to some level, how cope in the aftermath of the thoughts and worries that run off with you.

Sometimes this means talking to your partner about anxieties, sometimes it means trying to ground yourself, and keep some perspective. You may not be able to control the over-thinking, but you can remind yourself that you're over-thinking, and try to get some clarity through that self awareness.

 

 

Here are seven mistakes anxious people make in relationships:

 

1. Second Guessing How Much A Person Likes You

 

 

It can be really difficult to accept that someone really likes you, let alone relax into that feeling and just... enjoy it, trust it. I'm terrible at this. But no matter how patient your partner is, it's going get tiring for them to constantly reassure you every second that yes, they do like you. Try to take some of the responsibility for it, and remind yourself that they are with you, so they're obviously into you.

 

2. Not Wanting To Look Too Eager

 

Along with not being sure that the person likes you, comes with not wanting to jump in with both feet because, in your anxious version of things, you're going to end up looking foolish. This can often lead to being too reserved, and your partner not realizing how much you care about them because you're worried about ending up with a pie in your face. It helps if you remember that everyone has their insecurities, and you shouldn't be making your partner feel unloved or unsure— exactly the way that you feel— because you're worried about looking too eager. Talk openly about it and you'll likely find you're both on the same page.

 

3. Over. Analyzing.

 

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF EVERY LITTLE THING MAKING YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP. Potentially. Even the things that weren't meant to make you feel like crap. Even things that were meant to make you feel great, but then a little part of your brain decides to willfully misinterpret. "Oh, she thinks I look great today, so normally she hates how I look. I'm not good enough, she knows it. Sh*t." Take a step back, take a breath, do some yoga, or take a bath, whatever makes you feel better.

 

4. Getting Too Stressed About Timings And Bumps In The Road

 

This used to be one of my worst habits. It's still one of my bad habits, but I've managed to get it under control a little bit recently. If you're really worried that people running late or any timings are off, it can be a source of major stress. If someone was late I had trouble not assuming either that they hated me or that they were being really selfish and not caring about my time. Or both. But neither of those things were the case. If you're anxious it's easy to take small slights as very personal, and then that breeds unnecessary resentment.

 

5. Not Dealing Well With Changes

 

I find that routine helps when I'm feeling really anxious. It calms me and let's me just power through. There's just something comforting about it. But it's not realistic that you're constantly going to be able to do the same routine — life just gets in the way. And as relationships develop, things shift. It's totally natural, but can be difficult if you're an anxious person. Talking about these anxieties with your partner is a great way to cope, between getting it off your chest and giving them a chance to help you handle it, it's a lot better than staying quiet and letting those anxieties bubble over.

 

6. Avoiding Talks

 

If you get all tied up into a knot anyway, the idea of a big deep and meaningful chat, or worse— a confrontation— can twist you up into a complete pretzel of nerves. But they're an essential part of any relationships, and every deep and meaningful chat isn't about something horrible and antagonistic. Take a deep breath, try to do it in a setting that makes you feel safe, and have those talks that need to be had.

 

7. Jumping To Conclusions

 

Sometimes anxiety means running through a million ways things can go wrong in horrible, gnawing, obsessive thoughts. But sometimes, it means jumping to the worst case scenario right off the bat, and fixating on that. "Ah I asked him if he wanted to go see my favorite band and he hasn't replied, he probably hates that band and now hates me for liking them— it's over." Now the jumpy, compulsive nature of these thoughts make them really difficult to control. You may not be able to stop yourself from getting there in the first place, but try to ground your thoughts and give your partner more credit, or else they're just going to assume you think they're a jerk. They deserve better than that.

 

 

4 Reasons to Stop Worrying About the Future

 

 

I was stressed and burned out always worrying about the future.  With all the chaos at work, I just couldn’t figure out how to deal with uncertainty of an increasingly complex career