How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #5) by DeYtH Banger (you can read anyone TXT) 📖
- Author: DeYtH Banger
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With more self-knowledge in hand, it’s time to deploy distraction and defusion—a label for distancing and disconnecting your mind from whatever idea is consuming you.
If your thoughts tend to be more intense in the morning, for instance, you might plan to go for a regular run before breakfast. The key is to decide in advance on some options for distracting yourself.
“It could be some relaxation exercises, physical exercise like yoga or going for a walk, watching TV, calling a friend, or getting to work on some project you’ve been avoiding,” says Hubbard. “Anything that’s meaningful and valuable and gives you something concrete to shift your attention toward.”
Farrell suggests identifying the obsessive thought, then scheduling a brief block of time later in the day to pay attention to it—allowing you to be more present for the work or people in front of you.
“More often than not, that time never comes because the problem has been defused,” she adds.
Mind & Body
Another approach is to ground yourself in the physical. Retreat to a space that feels safe and comfortable and engage the body’s senses by cuddling in a cozy blanket, lighting scented candles, drinking ice water, and so on.
It’s also important to check in on how your body is unconsciously reacting. Breathing can become shallow (so take a deep breath). Shoulders can migrate toward the ears (drop them back into place). Muscles can tighten (consciously relax them).
Mike W. of Michigan feels tension throughout his entire body when he can’t free his mind from the dark thoughts that have plagued him lately, making it difficult to focus on everyday tasks long enough to complete them. He doesn’t eat well or get much sleep.
“It’s like every muscle in my body wants to go somewhere. I feel like I could run a thousand miles,” he says.
The things that keep him most centered are solo walks in nature and listening to loud music while wearing headphones. Even so, there are times when his mind latches onto a notion so strongly that he can’t access the strategies he has learned in therapy.
“It’s like none of that stuff ever existed,” he says. “I can think of them at other times when somebody asks me, but in those moments, it’s not something I can grab out of my brain.”
The ultimate aim of cognitive defusion techniques is to get some perspective and see obsessive thoughts for what they are (temporary sensations) instead of what your mind insists they are (permanent facts).
What you don’t want to do is try to control or suppress the obsessive thoughts, because they tend to intensify when resisted.
Learning Healthy Responses
You may benefit from working with a therapist to learn ways to fend off obsessive thoughts. Psychotherapy is helping Lisa C. get past a devouring inner narrative that makes it difficult for her to trust others.
When she was a girl, her father ridiculed her freckles and poked fun at her for being heavy-chested. She was teased about her weight by her brother and bullied by a classmate.
As a result, she has thoughts “every single day, all day long, about the past, about things that have happened to me, how people looked at me,” says Lisa, who lives in Ontario, Canada. “I’m always afraid somebody’s going to hurt me emotionally in some way.”
She can also feel consumed by unwarranted guilt because three of her four children also have bipolar disorder. Or she will get into a repetitive loop after she accepts some demand on her time that she’d rather refuse, second-guessing her decision. (Setting boundaries is another topic for her and her therapist.)
“It’s very difficult to separate the logical thought and the feeling,” she explains. “It takes a long time to be honest with yourself about it. But I need to be patient with myself no matter what anybody says. I need to do this on my time, not on their time.”
Olivia H. of Texas obsesses over feeling inadequate at her job. Surrounded by well-educated and more experienced co-workers, she feels like an imposter. She tries to keep those kinds of thoughts at bay by watching Netflix or talking to friends, along with techniques she’s learned from her psychiatrist and therapist.
“It gets really exhausting to talk back to, and correct, irrational thoughts, but you have to try,” Olivia says. “I give myself positive affirmations to remind myself who I am and hopefully prevent those thoughts from happening in the first place.”
She uses the analogy of being chronically late to class when encouraging herself to stick with it.
“If you knew the teacher was going to lock the door and mark you absent, you would do whatever is necessary to be on time, right?” she says. “You’d pack your bags, lay out your clothes and shower the night before, make sure you have a ride, and so on to make sure you aren’t late again.
“If I don’t want obsessive thoughts to take over, I have to use my coping skills like planning out my day, making checklists, and making sure I’m surrounded by people to keep my mind focused and occupied.”
* * * * *
STOPPING REPETITIVE THOUGHT LOOPS
Obsessive thoughts often revolve around irrational or exaggerated worries. The repetitive loops can make it difficult to focus on the tasks at hand, disrupt sleep, and affect daily behavior as you start to avoid certain activities or pursue others to an extreme. Psychologist Bruce Hubbard, PhD, offers these countermeasures:
Switch your focus. In what Hubbard calls “the premier cognitive defusion strategy,” you choose a target of attention (usually the breath) to laser in on when intrusive thoughts take over. With practice, this mindfulness technique exercises your “letting go” muscle, allowing you to release the thoughts that were absorbing you.
Look at the end game. Quiz yourself about the function of your obsessive thoughts. Do they serve some purpose? Are they helpful or harmful? Do they bring you closer to your goals or put you further away?
Label the thoughts. Describe your thoughts in simple, objective, terms. You can say something like, “I just had a thought about X,” or use the one-word shorthand, “Thinking.” Or for more of a sense of distance and passive observation, use phrases like, “A feeling of X is present,” or, “The concern X is present.”
Write it out. Getting the thoughts out of your head and onto a document (paper or electronic) may be helpful since the words then are outside your head.
Use ridicule. Give your thoughts a silly voice. Imagine them narrated by a popular media character such as Donald Duck, Big Bird or Chewbacca, or something non-threatening like a cuddly teddy bear.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Statistics dating back to the 1990s suggest that anywhere from 20 percent to 35 percent of people with a primary diagnosis of bipolar disorder have comorbid obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). The U.S. National Comorbidity Survey of 2001-02 found rates of 0CD among people with bipolar were 10 times greater than in the general population, the Psychiatric Timesreports.
And those figures may not even include individuals whose symptoms ride in with mood episodes of either kind and disperse during periods of stability, or whose obsessions don’t take the classic forms found in OCD.
In any event, the crossover is seen so often that some scientists are arguing bipolar with OCD represents a specific subtype of bipolar illness.
Note: We live in a world where there is too much data... if you want to succeed in life you should have goals...
Today to watch that movies
Today to play this game
Today to do that
Today to train
TOday to go out
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Today to finish this book
Today Getting it done
(P.S. - I am no working on a book about motivation... I know the days in which it's a real nighmare... outside is raining nothing much is happening in life... lonly... not sure where to go? when... to go?... not sure how to do it?... should you do it?
I know the days of depression... the days ... of anxiety it's horrible... now I am trying to immerse myself in this shit and try to figure out way...
A way out of masturbation... a way out of... depression...
So Yeah... you got healthy habbits... going around... doing it... and doing it... but once you stop this healthy habbits... the bad ones come... they come and they fuck you over...
Your mom could be angry it ruins your day
Somebody fuck you over and it ruin your day
One moment in your life you can go throw life without habbits and after a week you got the masturbating thing back.... depression... anxiety and that's awful... fucking awful....)
Parents Who ‘Overvalue’ Kids May Be Fostering Narcissism
New research finds that when a parent believes their child is better than other kids and can do no wrong, they may be fostering unhealthy narcissism in their children.
In an effort to find the origins of narcissism, researchers surveyed parents and their children four times over one and a half years to see if they could identify which factors led children to have inflated views of themselves.
Investigators found that parents who “overvalued” their children when the study began ended up with children who scored higher on tests of narcissism later on.
Overvalued children were described by their parents in surveys as “more special than other children” and as kids who “deserve something extra in life,” for example.
“Children believe it when their parents tell them that they are more special than others. That may not be good for them or for society,” said Dr. Brad Bushman, co-author of the study and professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University.
Bushman conducted the study with lead author Dr. Eddie Brummelman, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands.
The study appears in the early online edition of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
Parents often innocently provide exaggerated support in an effort to ensure that their child will develop enhanced self-confidence.
Brummelman said that parents with the best of intentions may overvalue their children, thinking that will help boost their self-esteem.
“Rather than raising self-esteem, overvaluing practices may inadvertently raise levels of narcissism,” Brummelman said.
While the dangers of narcissism are well known, its origins are not, according to Bushman. This is the first prospective study to see how narcissism develops over time.
The study involved 565 children in the Netherlands who were seven to 11 years old when the study began, and their parents. They completed surveys four times, each six months apart.
All the surveys used in the study are well established in psychology research.
Parental overvaluation of children was measured with a scale that asked moms and dads how much they agreed with statements such as “My child is a great example for other children to follow.”
Both children and parents reported how much emotional warmth parents showed, with participants indicating how much they agreed with statements like “I let my child know I love him/her” (or “My father/mother lets me know he/she loves me”).
Children were measured for levels of both narcissism and self-esteem. While many people believe narcissism is just self-esteem accentuated, that is not true, according to the researchers.
In this study, children with high self-esteem, rather than seeing themselves as more special than others, agreed with statements that suggested they were happy with themselves as a person and liked the kind of person they were.
“People with high self-esteem think they’re as good as others, whereas narcissists think they’re better than others,” Bushman said.
Self-esteem and narcissism also develop in different ways, the study found.
While parental overvaluation was associated with higher levels of child narcissism over time, it was not associated with more self-esteem.
In contrast, parents who showed more emotional warmth did have children with higher self-esteem over time. Parental warmth was not associated with narcissism.
“Overvaluation predicted narcissism, not self-esteem, whereas warmth predicted self-esteem, not narcissism,” Bushman said.
Parental overvaluation was connected to narcissism even after the researchers took
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