Fun with Elephants by Max Sledge (read any book txt) 📖

Fun With Elephants

By: Max Sledge

Andy sniffed the air like a wolf in heat. We had just entered a large clearing with high grassland spanning wide in every direction. I could see four giraffes and a few zebra in the distance. Andy’s shaggy hair and beard whipped around from the driver’s seat of the Land Rover, "Want to have some fun with some Elephants?" he said with wild eyes. His accent was thick, a mixture of British and Australian and his voice was so deep it shook my chest. Earlier, Andy had told us his life story. As a native white Zimbabwean, he had grown up in a wild game park, learning from the natives how to survive in the bush. He was now over forty and had been a widower for some time. His wife had been gored to death many years ago by a rhino. Though I gently prodded him about the details of this incident, Andy kept them to himself. Apparently after his wife’s death he re-married the African Savanna and now shared it with visitors like us, tourists from The States.
"Okay! Lets do it Andy! Elephants here we come!" screamed the three girls in my Land Rover. Andy gave a wide smile and with a laugh he leapt from his seat to the ground and began to load his double-barreled elephant gun with large bullets. My heart began to pound; I was the only man in the safari group and surprisingly the only one who had not screamed with joy when Andy had suggested having “fun” with the wildlife. I imagined his unlucky wife hearing the same thing Andy had just told us moments before she got out of her Land Rover for the last time. “Want to have some fun with some Rhinos dear?" I didn’t want to have “fun” with elephants. I wanted to observe their power and grace from a safe distance, with no chance of a life ending injury.
The girls shouted from the ground up at me as I pretended to fix my camera. "Are you coming Brian?" Three sad eyes pined away for my presence. I heard a gun lock into place.
Andy was ready. "Don’t you trust me mate?" Andy's hand shot out, beckoning me to come hither.
“Tell me more about how your wife died…” I said in a questioning tone.
“It was a long time ago my friend. I was a young guide, nothing like I am today. If five years of counseling has taught me anything, it’s that you have to forget the past.” I looked at Andy in disbelief. My trust in him had never been shakier.
“Live a little,” said one of the girls. She smiled and punched me in the arm. I sighed long and hard, and I could tell Andy was getting impatient. I could never live with myself if all three girls went and I didn’t. Against my better judgment, I jumped from the land rover, my camera in hand.
“I like your style. Bloody well done. All right, we need to keep a single file line as we move out. Try to be as silent as possible. When we get close to the elephants don’t make any sudden movements and whatever happens don’t run. Always follow my instructions…” Andy stopped for a moment and looked around at our terrified faces. One of the three girls was shaking. Andy grabbed her by the shoulder and looked into her eyes, “Don’t you worry sweetheart. I’ll take care of you.” She lit up like The Fourth of July.
“Yeah right” I muttered under my breath. Andy gave me a piercing gaze while he hooked his binoculars into place. After the pep talk we headed toward a forested area about 200 meters from our Land Rover. We moved silently in a single file. Of course, I was flanking the group. As we continued toward the unknown, I recalled a documentary I had seen on television that discussed how lions killed those in the prey group that were the slowest and the weakest (the stragglers in the back).
Upon entering the wooded area, we still hadn’t seen any elephants, and I was beginning to wonder if Andy’s nose had deceived him. “Get low” Andy’s voice whispered from the front of the line. We all crouched to the ground and began to army crawl forward silently for fifty meters. The tall grass combined with the thick shadows created by the trees masked my vision and toward the end of the army crawl the smell of tree oil filled my nostrils. Andy slowly rose to his feet and we cautiously followed.
“Look around you.” Andy’s eyebrows raised and one corner of his mouth began to shake with his own excitement. I began to survey my surroundings and quickly realized that we were in the middle of a large group of elephants. They were all facing outward from us in a half circle, methodically ripping the trees apart and shoving them into their mouths. I let out a cry, the sort of sound kittens make when they can’t find their mother. Andy immediately spun around chastising me in a whisper, “ Do you want to die mate? Be completely silent.” This thoroughly embarrassed me and the girls let out a soft snicker. The beasts were only twenty feet from us and each time they moved you could feel the air shift. Even though my greatest fears had been realized, I still tried to capture the moment on my video camera.
Flashing into my peripheral vision came a woman’s hand moving in a jerky fashion as if the person was giving a warning signal. Next came a pre-sneeze breath combined with the jerky hand motion, and I knew our fate was sealed. “Ahchew!” It was a girly sneeze, but loud enough that it caused every elephant to turn its face in our direction at once.
“Get back, get back!” Andy screamed and pointed to the trail by which we had entered the elephant death trap. I spun around and began to lead the way. My camera was still running during our retreat which resulted in a video that looked like a scene from the “Blair Witch Project.” As I ran for my life I could hear what sounded like thunder emanating behind me as the elephants bulldozed through trees in their attempt to kill us. After about ten seconds of running I heard Andy scream out “Stop!” I spun around but Andy was nowhere in sight. The three girls and I huddled behind a small log preparing to meet our doom. I glanced up and saw a large male elephant waiting behind a tree. He was over twenty feet high and he looked pissed. Looking to my left and right, two smaller female elephants guarded any chance of escape. The male stomped his feet, grunted and flapped his ears so hard I thought he might take flight. Then in one sweeping motion, he grabbed the tree between him and us with his trunk. Uprooting it he tossed it to the side like one would dispose of a toothpick after dinner. Then he charged. I lifted my camera in order to capture our demise on tape; if anyone were to find our remains I wanted the world to know Andy had abandoned us to die. All three girls rushed to my side, one grabbed my arm, another my leg and the third wrapped herself around my waist. “Not so confident in Andy anymore?” I thought. To my surprise, the elephant stopped five feet from us. Rearing up it sprayed sand into our faces and let out a long bellowing wail. I too made my own noise and as my scream reached falsetto I saw a shadow of a man step out into the clearing. As the dust cleared Andy stood between the elephant and us, beating his gun against his hand and doing what looked like some sort of African tribal dance. Miraculously, our lives were spared and the elephants spun around retreating into the forest. Andy turned to us with a smile on his face. He walked over to me first and looking me square in the eyes said “You trust me now, eh?”

Publication Date: 11-06-2009

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