Her Love Fades... by Kerry Boo.. (books under 200 pages .TXT) š
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Promise.ā
He held out his pinky and I moved mine towards him and pinky promised. He pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me. āI am so sorry for calling you a slut Andiā¦ I just snapped.ā
āYou donāt know how much that hurt.ā
He pulled back and looked at my face. āAndi..How long have you been crying?ā
I shook my head. āI donāt know, all dayā¦ every dayā¦ My whole life?ā my took his fingers and wiped away my tears. But more appeared.
āSoā¦ You seen Stephanie, Didnāt you?ā
I nodded my head remembering what had sent me in my breakdown. āYesā¦ New girlfriend?ā
He shook his head in shameā¦ānot exactlyā¦. She was my newā¦ā he took a deep breath. āMy new slut. If I donāt have you, then all I want is a slut and she was there.ā
I closed my eyes for a long time and the tears came pouring down again. āLuke what happened to you?? You never would have referred to someone like thatā¦ youāve changed.ā I started backing away.
āDO you want the truth Andi?ā
I nodded my headā¦ āOk...ā
āThis is the old me. This is the kind of boy I was before you. Iād date whatever girl walked up to me and asked me out, then I would cheat on her with another girl and weād breakup. Iād get with the other girlā¦then do it all over againā¦ā
I bit my lip trying to hold back the tears. āWow you have a nice boy actā¦. And I guess thatās what I fell for.ā I turned away from him and started bawling againā¦. Is that all I was to him, another girl to cheat on? Dump and then move onā¦ just another girl to be added to the list?
āWait Andi.. When I was with you, everything I said was 100% true, every I love you I meant, and the I am sorryā¦ I really am sorryā¦ Sorry you fell for me because you deserve so much better and now you really know that. Because Iām just a dumb ass. And when I lost you, I just went back to being the old me because it was so much easier to not care about any other person and just use them as I want.ā
āThatās sick Lukeā¦.I miss the old youā¦ Thatās the one I fell in love with and thatās the one that I want to know.ā
He walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. āFor you Andi, Iāll always be the guy you want; the loving, sweet, caring, sensitive, amazing, nice, truthfulā¦ the one you fell in love with.ā
I was so pissed at him, and then he wrapped his arms around my waist and the butterflies came back. āButterflies..ā I muttered quiet enough that he couldnāt hear.
He put his head on my shoulder. āWhat was that baby girl?ā he looked at me, as I stared straight ahead.
āButterflies.ā I turned my head towards him as he kissed my lips.
āOH, you feel them to?ā
We laid in the grass togetherā¦ If only we could of laid like that forever.
Luke.
Well. I feel like an utter ass. Nothing will change that. Iāve been calling Andi a slut and I shoulda just talked to her. I was laying in the grass with Stephanie, and well I guess Andi saw us. I seen Andi sitting in front of my houseā¦Rather she was really like crying in a ball, so I went to find out why the fuck she was here. But what did that change? Nothingā¦. I said I would be the boy for andiā¦ the New me, the one that she changedā¦ I didnāt say it about anyone elseā¦ Meaning, Stephanie, was still my little slut.
I arrived at Andiās house in the morning for school like I always have, and I guess thatās not going to change? I knocked on the door. āHey Andiā¦ Ready to go?ā
She nodded her head. āMhm.ā
I grabbed her hand and she looked down in shock.
I gave her a small smile and pulled her behind me.āHowād you sleep baby girl?ā
She shrugged her shoulders.āOk, I guessā¦āshe was basically silent the entire way there. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I didnāt even know if she would tell me, seeming as though it probably has something to do with me being a complete and utter ass hole, and he mistakenly falling in love.
I stopped walking, turned towards her and took a deep breath. She stared at me, like Yo what are you doing? I bit on my tongue and looked all around us to distract myself. When I just couldnāt take it anymore I backed away from her and stared at the ground. āLook Andi.. I know, I make mistakes and I know you are probably getting tired of hearing me apologize all the time about it, and then not doing anything to back up my apology accept for going off and kissing some girlā¦ Buuuuutā¦ā¦ I think it would be best if we would just move onā¦ā
I watched as a tear rolled down her face and her expression turned from a smile to expressionless. āYou donāt think I have been trying to do that the hole time Luke? Because trust me, since the day we broke up I have been trying to get over you, but every time I even remotely start to get somewhere you go and apologize for being such an ass hole, then you kiss me and then you go make out with some girl. You know whatā¦ whateverā¦ I just donāt care anymore.ā
She tried to start walking ahead of me but I stood in front of her blocking her pathway. She was not leaving until we had talked about this.
āReally Andi?ā Youāve been trying that long?
She rolled her eyes. āYa.ā
āIām sorry. And I know youāre probably tired of hearing that.ā
She rolled her eyes. āYou know what Lukeā¦ What do you want? Do you want to move on? Never talk to each other again, pleaseā¦ tell me now.ā
I shook my head. āNo, I donāt want that Andi...ā
She got real close me and whispered āYou, donāt know what you want.ā
I shook my head. āAndi, I know exactly what I want and that, is you.ā
She backed away and started crying and screaming. āThe only thing keeping me from you is you!ā
I shook my head again. āHow do you suppose?ā
āWhat do you mean āHow do I suppose?ā
āNever mind.ā
āWhatever Luke. But hereās something you should knowā¦ Iām fucking done.ā
āAndiā¦Pleaseā¦donātā I donāt know what I was thinking but I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind like she loves. āPlease donāt ever let goā¦ I need you more than anyoneā¦ā
She kissed my cheek and walked away without saying a word more.
I felt the tear escape from my eyes as I criedā¦ I criedā¦and criedā¦ I was so weak for Andi.. I wanted to be her hero..but all I was was the fuck up who was making her life more worse than she ever thought possibleā¦ I was sick.. not mentallyā¦ but I have a deadly diseaseā¦ I needed to push her farther away from me, they donāt think Iām going to make itā¦ and I donāt want her to be holding on to tightlyā¦ I couldnāt help it. I cried more than I thought I ever could.
Andi.
I walked on back towards the tracks. I just needed to escape him right now because he didnāt understand anything that was going on. He didnāt get it. He needs to grow up, and I know and he knows itā¦he just wasnāt ready. Ready for anything. Wasnāt ready to stop cheating or lyingā¦I started cryingā¦ heās the most immature 17 year old I knowā¦ cheating, lying, stealingā¦ sleeping around..same as cheatingā¦ he was just as confused as I wasā¦ but the only differenceā¦ I truly did love himā¦ But he wasnāt ready to be a fatherā¦ I grasped my stomach and fell to my kneeās bawling.
After awhile I was so weak that I was having trouble breathingā¦ I cried so much that I felt like I could die at any moment in timeā¦ I would be ok with thatā¦ I wasnāt ready to be a motherā¦ Iām 16ā¦Iām so fucking stupid! How could I screw himā¦? I wasnāt thinking of how easy it would be to be a motherā¦I canāt do itā¦ I just canāt. am I supposed to tell him? No doubt he would freakā¦ Hell I am freaking!
I ran home with tears pouring down my face. I fell to my living room floor and just laid there until I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I stood up and wiped away the tears before getting up to get the door.
āHey andi. I just wanted to check up on you and see how you are, after your last suicide attempt.ā
āOh Hey Lukas, Wait how do you know where I live?ā
āLook, in the future I have to tell you something and then everything will all make senseā¦ in a way, but uhhā¦ Look everything will be ok.ā He whispered hugging me.i hugged him back and nodded my head. I felt weak. Before I could stop the tear it rolled down my face and landed on his shirt.
I pulled away and murmured apologetically over and over.
He pulled me over to the couch and rested my head on his lap. āItās ok Andi...ā He sounded so sure that it was impossible not to believe him.
I nodded my head and snuggled against his chest closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.
I woke up screaming and the next thing I know theyāre were arms wrapped around me. āShhhhhā they whispered. I was calmed by Lukasās voices every time. He knew how to comfort someone and make them feel betterā¦ his eyes were so true, he was amazing at making me feel safe againā¦ But so was Luke.
Next thing I know theyāre was another knock at my door. I sat up and sauntered towards the door. Lukas remained sitting on the couch. I threw the door open. āLukeā¦ā
āhi. Can I come in?ā I glanced back at Lukas but moved aside so he could fit inside. āWhoās he?ā
he asked with pure jealousy raising in his voice.ā
I rolled my eyes. āThis is the second person whoās had to save my life. āLuke Wilson, Meet Lukas.ā
He shook his head. āSeriously, his name is Lukas?
I nodded my head. āYup... Thatād be correct.ā I walked over to Lukas and sat on his lap laughing
āwow.ā
He knew what he was thinking. He wanted to know what he was doing on my couch. I was just waiting for him to ask. He stared across the room and I knew he was about to askā¦ āSoā¦UH are you
too like together?ā
Lukas laughed but made a disgusted face. āNo, Andi is sexi as fuck but Iām gay.ā
I smirked and watched as the jealousy was drained from Lukeās face. āohh.ā He said in a cheerful tone. I just nodded my head and turned towards Lukas.
āSO, this would be the Luke I told you about that day.ā
He leaned closer to me. āLook, Iām not really gay but if I wasā¦.. damn.ā I glanced over at him and couldnāt stop laughing. He motioned me down towards him, so I
He held out his pinky and I moved mine towards him and pinky promised. He pulled me up and wrapped his arms around me. āI am so sorry for calling you a slut Andiā¦ I just snapped.ā
āYou donāt know how much that hurt.ā
He pulled back and looked at my face. āAndi..How long have you been crying?ā
I shook my head. āI donāt know, all dayā¦ every dayā¦ My whole life?ā my took his fingers and wiped away my tears. But more appeared.
āSoā¦ You seen Stephanie, Didnāt you?ā
I nodded my head remembering what had sent me in my breakdown. āYesā¦ New girlfriend?ā
He shook his head in shameā¦ānot exactlyā¦. She was my newā¦ā he took a deep breath. āMy new slut. If I donāt have you, then all I want is a slut and she was there.ā
I closed my eyes for a long time and the tears came pouring down again. āLuke what happened to you?? You never would have referred to someone like thatā¦ youāve changed.ā I started backing away.
āDO you want the truth Andi?ā
I nodded my headā¦ āOk...ā
āThis is the old me. This is the kind of boy I was before you. Iād date whatever girl walked up to me and asked me out, then I would cheat on her with another girl and weād breakup. Iād get with the other girlā¦then do it all over againā¦ā
I bit my lip trying to hold back the tears. āWow you have a nice boy actā¦. And I guess thatās what I fell for.ā I turned away from him and started bawling againā¦. Is that all I was to him, another girl to cheat on? Dump and then move onā¦ just another girl to be added to the list?
āWait Andi.. When I was with you, everything I said was 100% true, every I love you I meant, and the I am sorryā¦ I really am sorryā¦ Sorry you fell for me because you deserve so much better and now you really know that. Because Iām just a dumb ass. And when I lost you, I just went back to being the old me because it was so much easier to not care about any other person and just use them as I want.ā
āThatās sick Lukeā¦.I miss the old youā¦ Thatās the one I fell in love with and thatās the one that I want to know.ā
He walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. āFor you Andi, Iāll always be the guy you want; the loving, sweet, caring, sensitive, amazing, nice, truthfulā¦ the one you fell in love with.ā
I was so pissed at him, and then he wrapped his arms around my waist and the butterflies came back. āButterflies..ā I muttered quiet enough that he couldnāt hear.
He put his head on my shoulder. āWhat was that baby girl?ā he looked at me, as I stared straight ahead.
āButterflies.ā I turned my head towards him as he kissed my lips.
āOH, you feel them to?ā
We laid in the grass togetherā¦ If only we could of laid like that forever.
Luke.
Well. I feel like an utter ass. Nothing will change that. Iāve been calling Andi a slut and I shoulda just talked to her. I was laying in the grass with Stephanie, and well I guess Andi saw us. I seen Andi sitting in front of my houseā¦Rather she was really like crying in a ball, so I went to find out why the fuck she was here. But what did that change? Nothingā¦. I said I would be the boy for andiā¦ the New me, the one that she changedā¦ I didnāt say it about anyone elseā¦ Meaning, Stephanie, was still my little slut.
I arrived at Andiās house in the morning for school like I always have, and I guess thatās not going to change? I knocked on the door. āHey Andiā¦ Ready to go?ā
She nodded her head. āMhm.ā
I grabbed her hand and she looked down in shock.
I gave her a small smile and pulled her behind me.āHowād you sleep baby girl?ā
She shrugged her shoulders.āOk, I guessā¦āshe was basically silent the entire way there. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I didnāt even know if she would tell me, seeming as though it probably has something to do with me being a complete and utter ass hole, and he mistakenly falling in love.
I stopped walking, turned towards her and took a deep breath. She stared at me, like Yo what are you doing? I bit on my tongue and looked all around us to distract myself. When I just couldnāt take it anymore I backed away from her and stared at the ground. āLook Andi.. I know, I make mistakes and I know you are probably getting tired of hearing me apologize all the time about it, and then not doing anything to back up my apology accept for going off and kissing some girlā¦ Buuuuutā¦ā¦ I think it would be best if we would just move onā¦ā
I watched as a tear rolled down her face and her expression turned from a smile to expressionless. āYou donāt think I have been trying to do that the hole time Luke? Because trust me, since the day we broke up I have been trying to get over you, but every time I even remotely start to get somewhere you go and apologize for being such an ass hole, then you kiss me and then you go make out with some girl. You know whatā¦ whateverā¦ I just donāt care anymore.ā
She tried to start walking ahead of me but I stood in front of her blocking her pathway. She was not leaving until we had talked about this.
āReally Andi?ā Youāve been trying that long?
She rolled her eyes. āYa.ā
āIām sorry. And I know youāre probably tired of hearing that.ā
She rolled her eyes. āYou know what Lukeā¦ What do you want? Do you want to move on? Never talk to each other again, pleaseā¦ tell me now.ā
I shook my head. āNo, I donāt want that Andi...ā
She got real close me and whispered āYou, donāt know what you want.ā
I shook my head. āAndi, I know exactly what I want and that, is you.ā
She backed away and started crying and screaming. āThe only thing keeping me from you is you!ā
I shook my head again. āHow do you suppose?ā
āWhat do you mean āHow do I suppose?ā
āNever mind.ā
āWhatever Luke. But hereās something you should knowā¦ Iām fucking done.ā
āAndiā¦Pleaseā¦donātā I donāt know what I was thinking but I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind like she loves. āPlease donāt ever let goā¦ I need you more than anyoneā¦ā
She kissed my cheek and walked away without saying a word more.
I felt the tear escape from my eyes as I criedā¦ I criedā¦and criedā¦ I was so weak for Andi.. I wanted to be her hero..but all I was was the fuck up who was making her life more worse than she ever thought possibleā¦ I was sick.. not mentallyā¦ but I have a deadly diseaseā¦ I needed to push her farther away from me, they donāt think Iām going to make itā¦ and I donāt want her to be holding on to tightlyā¦ I couldnāt help it. I cried more than I thought I ever could.
Andi.
I walked on back towards the tracks. I just needed to escape him right now because he didnāt understand anything that was going on. He didnāt get it. He needs to grow up, and I know and he knows itā¦he just wasnāt ready. Ready for anything. Wasnāt ready to stop cheating or lyingā¦I started cryingā¦ heās the most immature 17 year old I knowā¦ cheating, lying, stealingā¦ sleeping around..same as cheatingā¦ he was just as confused as I wasā¦ but the only differenceā¦ I truly did love himā¦ But he wasnāt ready to be a fatherā¦ I grasped my stomach and fell to my kneeās bawling.
After awhile I was so weak that I was having trouble breathingā¦ I cried so much that I felt like I could die at any moment in timeā¦ I would be ok with thatā¦ I wasnāt ready to be a motherā¦ Iām 16ā¦Iām so fucking stupid! How could I screw himā¦? I wasnāt thinking of how easy it would be to be a motherā¦I canāt do itā¦ I just canāt. am I supposed to tell him? No doubt he would freakā¦ Hell I am freaking!
I ran home with tears pouring down my face. I fell to my living room floor and just laid there until I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I stood up and wiped away the tears before getting up to get the door.
āHey andi. I just wanted to check up on you and see how you are, after your last suicide attempt.ā
āOh Hey Lukas, Wait how do you know where I live?ā
āLook, in the future I have to tell you something and then everything will all make senseā¦ in a way, but uhhā¦ Look everything will be ok.ā He whispered hugging me.i hugged him back and nodded my head. I felt weak. Before I could stop the tear it rolled down my face and landed on his shirt.
I pulled away and murmured apologetically over and over.
He pulled me over to the couch and rested my head on his lap. āItās ok Andi...ā He sounded so sure that it was impossible not to believe him.
I nodded my head and snuggled against his chest closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.
I woke up screaming and the next thing I know theyāre were arms wrapped around me. āShhhhhā they whispered. I was calmed by Lukasās voices every time. He knew how to comfort someone and make them feel betterā¦ his eyes were so true, he was amazing at making me feel safe againā¦ But so was Luke.
Next thing I know theyāre was another knock at my door. I sat up and sauntered towards the door. Lukas remained sitting on the couch. I threw the door open. āLukeā¦ā
āhi. Can I come in?ā I glanced back at Lukas but moved aside so he could fit inside. āWhoās he?ā
he asked with pure jealousy raising in his voice.ā
I rolled my eyes. āThis is the second person whoās had to save my life. āLuke Wilson, Meet Lukas.ā
He shook his head. āSeriously, his name is Lukas?
I nodded my head. āYup... Thatād be correct.ā I walked over to Lukas and sat on his lap laughing
āwow.ā
He knew what he was thinking. He wanted to know what he was doing on my couch. I was just waiting for him to ask. He stared across the room and I knew he was about to askā¦ āSoā¦UH are you
too like together?ā
Lukas laughed but made a disgusted face. āNo, Andi is sexi as fuck but Iām gay.ā
I smirked and watched as the jealousy was drained from Lukeās face. āohh.ā He said in a cheerful tone. I just nodded my head and turned towards Lukas.
āSO, this would be the Luke I told you about that day.ā
He leaned closer to me. āLook, Iām not really gay but if I wasā¦.. damn.ā I glanced over at him and couldnāt stop laughing. He motioned me down towards him, so I
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