Something New by Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (rom com books to read .TXT) 📖
- Author: Pelham Grenville Wodehouse
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Actions--Overwork Or Something, I Imagined. I Have Seen It Happen
So Often In India, Don't You Know, Where Fellows Run Amuck And
Kick Up The Deuce's Own Delight. I Am Bound To Admit That I Have
Been Watching Mr. Baxter Rather Closely Lately In The Expectation
That Something Of This Very Kind Might Happen.
"Of Course I Now Realize My Mistake; And I Have Apologized--
Apologized Humbly--Dash It! But At The Moment I Was Firmly Under
The Impression That Our Friend Here Had An Attack Of Some Kind
And Was About To Inflict Injuries On Miss Peters. If I've Seen It
Happen Once In India, I've Seen It Happen A Dozen Times.
"I Recollect, In The Hot Weather Of The Year '99---Or Was It
'93?--I Think '93---One Of My Native Bearers--However, I Sprang
Forward And Caught The Crook Of My Walking Stick On Mr. Baxter's
Ankle And Brought Him Down. And By The Time Explanations Were
Made It Was Too Late. The Train Had Gone, With Miss Peters In
It."
"And A Telegram Has Just Arrived," Said Lord Emsworth, "To Say
That They Are Being Married This Afternoon At A Registrar's. The
Whole Occurrence Is Most Disturbing."
"Bear It Like A Man, My Boy!" Urged Colonel Mant.
To All Appearances Freddie Was Bearing It Magnificently. Not A
Single Exclamation, Either Of Wrath Or Pain, Had Escaped His
Lips. One Would Have Said The Shock Had Stunned Him Or That He
Had Not Heard, For His Face Expressed No Emotion Whatever.
The Fact Was, The Story Had Made Very Little Impression On The
Honorable Freddie Of Any Sort. His Relief At Ashe's News About
Joan Valentine; The Stunning Joy Of Having Met In The Flesh The
Author Of The Adventures Of Gridley Quayle; The General Feeling
That All Was Now Right With The World--These Things Deprived Him
Of The Ability To Be Greatly Distressed.
And There Was A Distinct Feeling Of Relief--Actual Relief--That
Now It Would Not Be Necessary For Him To Get Married. He Had
Liked Aline; But Whenever He Really Thought Of It The Prospect Of
Getting Married Rather Appalled Him. A Chappie Looked Such An Ass
Getting Married! It Appeared, However, That Some Verbal Comment
On The State Of Affairs Was Required Of Him. He Searched His Mind
For Something Adequate.
"You Mean To Say Aline Has Bolted With Emerson?"
The Deputation Nodded Pained Nods. Freddie Searched In His Mind
Again. The Deputation Held Its Breath.
"Well, I'm Blowed!" Said Freddie. "Fancy That!"
Chapter 11 Pg 189
Mr. Peters Walked Heavily Into His Room. Ashe Marson Was Waiting
For Him There. He Eyed Ashe Dully.
"Pack!" He Said.
"Pack?"
"Pack! We're Getting Out Of Here By The Afternoon Train."
"Has Anything Happened?"
"My Daughter Has Eloped With Emerson."
"What!"
"Don't Stand There Saying, 'What!' Pack."
Ashe Put His Hand In His Pocket.
"Where Shall I Put This?" He Asked.
For A Moment Mr. Peters Looked Without Comprehension At What Ashe
Was Holding Out; Then His Whole Demeanor Altered. His Eyes Lit
Up. He Uttered A Howl Of Pure Rapture:
"You Got It!"
"I Got It."
"Where Was It? Who Took It? How Did You Choke It Out Of Them?
How Did You Find It? Who Had It?"
"I Don't Know Whether I Ought To Say. I Don't Want To Start
Anything. You Won't Tell Anyone?"
"Tell Anyone! What Do You Take Me For? Do You Think I Am Going
About Advertising This? If I Can Sneak Out Without That Fellow
Baxter Jumping On My Back I Shall Be Satisfied. You Can Take It
From Me That There Won't Be Any Sensational Exposures If I Can
Help It. Who Had It?"
"Young Threepwood."
"Threepwood? Why Did He Want It?"
"He Needed Money And He Was Going To Raise It On--"
Mr. Peters Exploded.
"And I Have Been Kicking Because Aline Can't Marry Him And Has
Gone Off With A Regular Fellow Like Young Emerson! He's A Good
Boy--Young Emerson. I Knew His Folks. He'll Make A Name For
Himself One Of These Days. He's Got Get-Up In Him. And I Have
Been Waiting To Shoot Him Because He Has Taken Aline Away From
Chapter 11 Pg 190That Goggle-Eyed Chump Up In Bed There!
"Why, If She Had Married Threepwood I Should Have Had
Grandchildren Who Would Have Sneaked My Watch While I Was Dancing
Them On My Knee! There Is A Taint Of Some Sort In The Whole
Family. Father Sneaks My Cheops And Sonny Sneaks It From Father.
What A Gang! And The Best Blood In England! If That's England's
Idea Of Good Blood Give Me Hoboken! This Settles It. I Was A
Chump Ever To Come To A Country Like This. Property Isn't Safe
Here. I'm Going Back To America On The Next Boat.
"Where's My Check Book? I'm Going To Write You That Check Right
Away. You've Earned It. Listen, Young Man; I Don't Know What Your
Ideas Are, But If You Aren't Chained To This Country I'll Make It
Worth Your While To Stay On With Me. They Say No One's
Indispensable, But You Come Mighty Near It. If I Had You At My
Elbow For A Few Years I'd Get Right Back Into Shape. I'm Feeling
Better Now Than I Have Felt In Years--And You've Only Just
Started In On Me.
"How About It? You Can Call Yourself What You Like--Secretary Or
Trainer, Or Whatever Suits You Best. What You Will Be Is The
Fellow Who Makes Me Take Exercise And Stop Smoking Cigars, And
Generally Looks After Me. How Do You Feel About It?"
It Was A Proposition That Appealed Both To Ashe's Commercial And
To His Missionary Instincts. His Only Regret Had Been That, The
Scarab Recovered, He And Mr. Peters Would Now, He Supposed, Part
Company. He Had Not Liked The Idea Of Sending The Millionaire
Back To The World A Half-Cured Man. Already He Had Begun To Look
On Him In The Light Of A Piece Of Creative Work To Which He Had
Just Set His Hand.
But The Thought Of Joan Gave Him Pause. If This Meant Separation
From Joan It Was Not To Be Considered.
"Let Me Think It Over," He Said.
"Well, Think Quick!" Said Mr. Peters.
It Has Been Said By Those Who Have Been Through Fires,
Earthquakes And Shipwrecks That In Such Times Of Stress The
Social Barriers Are Temporarily Broken Down, And The Spectacle
May Be Seen Of Persons Of The Highest Social Standing Speaking
Quite Freely To Persons Who Are Not In Society At All; And Of
Quite Nice People Addressing Others To Whom They Have Never Been
Introduced. The News Of Aline Peters' Elopement With George
Emerson, Carried Beyond The Green-Baize Door By Slingsby, The
Chauffeur, Produced Very Much The Same State Of Affairs In The
Servants' Quarters At Blandings Castle.
It Was Not Only That Slingsby Was Permitted To Penetrate Into The
Chapter 11 Pg 191Housekeeper's Room And Tell His Story To His Social Superiors
There, Though That Was An Absolutely Unprecedented Occurrence;
What Was Really Extraordinary Was That Mere Menials Discussed The
Affair With The Personal Ladies And Gentlemen Of The Castle
Guests, And Were Allowed To Do So Uncrushed. James, The
Footman--That Pushing Individual--Actually Shoved His Way Into
The Room, And Was Heard By Witnesses To Remark To No Less A
Person Than Mr. Beach That It Was A Bit Thick.
And It Is On Record That His Fellow Footman, Alfred, Meeting The
Groom Of The Chambers In The Passage Outside, Positively Prodded
Him In The Lower Ribs, Winked, And Said: "What A Day We're
Having!" One Has To Go Back To The Worst Excesses Of The French
Revolution To Parallel These Outrages. It Was Held By Mr. Beach
And Mrs. Twemlow Afterward That The Social Fabric Of The Castle
Never Fully Recovered From This Upheaval. It May Be They Took An
Extreme View Of The Matter, But It Cannot Be Denied That It
Wrought Changes. The Rise Of Slingsby Is A Case In Point. Until
This Affair Took Place The Chauffeur's Standing Had Never Been
Satisfactorily Settled. Mr. Beach And Mrs. Twemlow Led The Party
Which Considered That He Was Merely A Species Of Coachman; But
There Was A Smaller Group Which, Dazzled By Slingsby's
Personality, Openly Declared It Was Not Right That He Should Take
His Meals In The Servants' Hall With Such Admitted Plebeians As
The Odd Man And The Steward's-Room Footman.
The Aline-George Elopement Settled The Point Once And For All.
Slingsby Had Carried George's Bag To The Train. Slingsby Had Been
Standing A Few Yards From The Spot Where Aline Began Her Dash For
The Carriage Door. Slingsby Was Able To Exhibit The Actual Half
Sovereign With Which George Had Tipped Him Only Five Minutes
Before The Great Event. To Send Such A Public Man Back To The
Servants' Hall Was Impossible. By Unspoken Consent The Chauffeur
Dined That Night In The Steward's Room, From Which He Was Never
Dislodged.
Mr. Judson Alone Stood Apart From The Throng That Clustered About
The Chauffeur. He Was Suffering The Bitterness Of The Supplanted.
A Brief While Before And He Had Been The Central Figure, With His
Story Of The Letter He Had Found In The Honorable Freddie's Coat
Pocket. Now The Importance Of His Story Had Been Engulfed In That
Of This Later And Greater Sensation, Mr. Judson Was Learning, For
The First Time, On What Unstable Foundations Popularity Stands.
Joan Was Nowhere To Be Seen. In None Of The Spots Where She Might
Have Been Expected To Be At Such A Time Was She To Be Found. Ashe
Had Almost Given Up The Search When, Going To The Back Door And
Looking Out As A Last Chance, He Perceived Her Walking Slowly On
The Gravel Drive.
She Greeted Ashe With A Smile, But Something Was Plainly
Troubling Her. She Did Not Speak For A Moment And They Walked
Side By Side.
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