Monster by Abigail Livinghouse (dark books to read txt) 📖

it. It was hard though.

 It's fucking hair Ana. You're not a child. It'll fade for Christ's sake.

 She winced at the Voice's harshness and volume, but got up from the bed and headed into the bathroom to obey anyway. Looking at herself in the mirror, Ana's eyes widened.

 Her blonde hair was lying limp on her shoulders, and her blue eyes were dull and cloudy. Her collarbones jutted out harshly, like they were trying to pierce through her skin. Her clothes hung on her body like a very large sack, loose and too big. Her face had even hollowed out to the point where her eyes looked round and terrified. 

How she felt on the inside, was finally beginning to reflect on the outside.

 Ana wasn't sure what she should've expected. She hadn't been eating in days and with finding the monster who killed Lisa and Kristen, also with the Voice's commands, it was all taking its toll. She wasn't sure how much more her body could take before she finally broke.

 You need to take a moment and breathe. Think about why you're doing this. Why you're going through everything and what for.

 The Voice's tone had softened to almost pitiful, and Ana swallowed, her reflection mimicking her, as she obeyed what the Voice had said.

 "I'm doing it for Lisa and Kristen." She said out loud.

 That's right. For, they can't do it for themselves. They're dead. Gone and buried. It's been nearly three weeks since their blood had been spilled, law enforcement is already closing in, and not even I could take anymore waiting around. It's time for action. It's time for justice.

 He was right of course. Ana had come to the conclusion that the Voice had to be a male. Just the way he spoke and how he chided her, sounded like the way a guy would. However he was right. No matter how he put it, Lisa and Kristen weren't here anymore and couldn't bring justice to the table themselves. Someone had to do it for her. And considering the police weren't doing shit, Ana knew that this was the only other real option she had. Even if it seemed to be the work of fiction.

 Focus.

 The Voice reprimanded and she sighed, picking up the box.

Chapter Eleven

Ana stared at her reflection in the large bathroom mirror, her blue eyes even wider in shock from what she had done. Her hair as straight as a board, was now the color of the night sky. Her eyes contrasted largely with the newfound darkness of her hair, and popped out even more in large terror.

 Turned out much better than I thought. It could almost be natural.

 She had to stifle a hysterical laugh at the Voice's approval.

 I'm serious Ana, this could work. I'm very pleased with the results. Now for the makeup.

 This was something she was familiar with. Ana dug out her large pink makeup pouch from her purse and opened it once placing it on the bathroom counter. She knew what the Voice wanted her to do, and she set to work filling in her cheeks and hiding the dark circles under her eyes with foundation. After liner, mascara, some eye shadow and gloss, she looked a little bit like her former self, minus the hair. Although, one thing she couldn't get rid of was the absolute bleak emptiness in her eyes. That stuck out even more than her bones and eyes.

A pang of worry hit her in her chest and dropped into her stomach. What if . . . She couldn't do this? She was an eighteen year old girl, legally an adult, and yet she was terrified of sneaking out and getting caught by her parents. They would weld the door shut, or send her to a mental institution for sure when they saw what she had done to herself.

 They would say she wasn't coping with what had happened and needed some sort of medication for assistance. And truth be told, Ana wasn't coping and probably did need the help of some prescription meds, but that still wouldn't help Lisa and Kristen. Nothing could help them now, except giving them the justice they deserved.

 Exactly.

 The Voice agreed, and Ana shut up her makeup and returned it to her bag. She knew what she had to do now, crawl out her two story window for a simple drop onto the old trampoline in the yard. Hopefully when she bounced off it she would land in the flowerbeds and miss the hard ground, but she was leaning towards the best option. Worst case scenario she would hit the ground headfirst and be knocked unconscious, found in the yard by her parents, and readmitted into the hospital. That was the worst of the worst, but definitely not impossible, which was what scared Ana almost more than the actual concept of sneaking out.

 You'll be okay. It's a clear landing point from your window to the trampoline. You'll be absolutely fine. Trust me.

 Trust an inanimate voice inside of her head. Weeks ago Ana would've said that's fucking crazy, but look where she was now. She had no other choice, and she knew it.

 

With her purse on her shoulder stuffed with makeup and some cash, Ana made her way over to the window and pried it all the way open. Looking down, it seemed as if the ground was much farther away than reality, and Ana's hands tightened on the sill.

 

Don't look at the ground as you fall. Just concentrate on landing on your bottom. Don't land on your feet, that's the best way you could break an ankle. Just ease out and drop. Simple and easy.

 

Yeah easy for you to say, not do, Ana thought to herself. 

Chapter Twelve

Ana wasn't stupid. She had straight A's, many friends, and could always give great advice to anyone who asked for it. Everyone liked her. When she talked to people, it was rare that she didn't get what she wanted. She was just that good with words. She usually knew everything there was to know about anything, and if she didn't, she knew exactly what to say so that she would know.

 

So, Ana wasn't so dense that she didn't know that the Voice knew exactly who the killer was, could probably provide her with a name, exact location and everything. Which led her to wonder why he was leading her on such a wild goose chase.

 

She had been to Harlem, Queens, and even back in Manhattan-carefully keeping away from her home suburb. After nearly a day and a half of moving around, Ana was positive her parents knew she was gone by now and most likely had the police searching for her. So far she hadn't been recognized by anyone, proving that the Voice's theory about changing her appearance to be quite useful.

 

Ana was sitting in a diner on the corner of a street in Manhattan that she didn't know the name of, a cup of coffee in front of her, steam lazily rising up from its contents. She kept her hands around the porcelain, even though it was May and about seventy degrees outside, her hands were still icy.

 

The Voice was becoming more of  a humming at the edges of her subconscious than anything else, and while it droned on about her not listening to it and how the killer was bound to show up eventually, that he couldn't run forever, she was gritting her teeth.

 

She had had enough of the rambling, the orders, and the running around coming up with nothing. Ana was beginning to feel as though she had no more power than Lisa and Kristen had, and was nowhere near close to finding their murderer.

 

You need to follow what I'm telling you and stop being so stubborn. If you listened, maybe we would've found him by now.

 

"Shut up", Ana groaned as she pushed away her cup and laid her head down on the table. "Sing a new song would you?"

 

Instead of silence like usual when she fought against the Voice, it growled at her in fury.

 

Are you kidding? I'm the one that's been helping you cope, I'm the one that's been there for you, I'm the one at least giving a damn. Do you see anyone else taking care of you like I have?

 

 She winced at the volume and throbbing the Voice's anger brought to her head, and she buried her face in the sleeve of her sweater.

 

You're a voice inside my head. You don't even exist. You're a fabrication of my fucked up subconscious.

 

Ana was questioning why she ever even listened to the Voice. She must've obviously lost her mind by now. No sane person had a voice inside their head giving them orders, and no one with even half a brain followed those orders.

 

Apparently though, today the Voice wasn't going to quiet down without a fight.

 

I have been there for you for a month, offering you solace and someone who could guarantee you hadn't gone insane. And now you're going against me?  ME?!

 

"Yes you!" Ana screamed, standing up and spilling her hot coffee across the greasy tabletop.

 

Patrons in the diner turned their heads, some scowling at her in disgust and others with concern or pity. She wanted none of it. Ana slapped down her money, before bolting out of the restaurant and into the warm and comforting cover of night. 

Chapter Thirteen

Even though she had gone outside, it didn't change the fact that the Voice was still there and louder than ever.

 

God dammit Ana this would all be over by now if you would just fucking listen to me. That, and if you used your fucking head.

 

Shut up. Ana began to move, going from one street to the next, trying to get away. Too bad you can't get away from yourself. This