Warning Cats! by Michael Castle (classic novels TXT) 📖

Taxi Drive to Rainbow Hostel
We found a taxi and got in after pointing out where we wanted to go on the map. The driver nodded with confidence and we settled back comfortably. After 35 seconds, it became quite apparent that he was mad, literally. He drove at break neck speed with his hand firmly planted on the horn, his head out the window screaming. We tried to impress upon him the fact that we were in no great hurry but he didn’t seem to get this.

“Here,” he said and screeched the taxi to a halt. He leapt out and opened Ariane’s door and pulled her physically out. Ariane looked around hesitantly.
“Yess …?” she said slowly.”
“This is a very nice ruined castle-style monument …”
“Here, here, HERE!”
“Yes I see. But where is the hostel?”

Then this crazy debate started so Hannah produced the map from her belt in order to once again indicate where we wanted to go. I looked at it in amazement as it was now all clean and fresh looking again. The driver pointed at it, and to illustrate the fact that he was insane, he started kicking the tyres and whacking the bonnet whilst waving his hands about his head in what appeared to be to shoo away the flies. I didn’t notice any flies and pointed the fact out to him, in which he replied by shooing the flies away even more vigorously.

“Do you think he would notice if we just quietly sneaked away?”
“Umm … it could work but our packs are in the boot.”
“Yes, they may come in handy one day.”

So after screaming and kicking and other violent stuff, he got back in and yelled at us for a while before screeching off. It was the same hand-on-horn routine all the way to the hostel. He cheekily tried to charge us more than originally agreed and yelled when we refused. He spat in the dust a few times so I balanced the money across the hood and we all ran into the safety of our hostel.

I soon realised my safe haven was not as it appeared. I have a fear, well not a fear but rather a pathological phobia of cats. It all stems from the day I realised I was allergic to them. Years ago one of my friends Willy had invited me over while his mother was away. His mother loved cats and had about 15 feral cats running around the house at any given time. She loved cats so much that she neglected to buy any household goods which may assist in providing warmth to those who may wish to stay over from time to time, because she was to busy providing for feral animals.

It had been a cold winter’s night and I had been shivering uncontrollably. I had asked Willy if he could provide me with a blanket of sorts, to stop the chill from seeping so far into my bones that I would have to get my heart amputated from hyperthermia. He soon returned and threw a blanket on me and I basked in the warmth and promptly feel asleep.

Approximately 4 hours later I woke up with a chronic rash and eyes which had swollen so much that I could no longer see with them. I tried to open them up and investigate why I was feeling like the devil, only to find my eyelids had clogged up and refused to open on the grounds that they were locked in a crusty embrace. I stood up and instantly feel straight to the ground as my head hit the bottom of a protrusion of some manner. I tried to look up and see what had happened but all I could see were the insides of my crusty eyelids.

This brought about quite the quandary as I knew exactly what was happening. It appeared Willy had brought me the cat blanket, as I seemed to be covered in small hairs and it didn’t take Einstein to deduce that I was currently experiencing the effects of a chronic allergic reaction.

I took one step in one direction, crouched near to the ground and instantly banged my head into a wall of some description. I then lay on the ground as my head was swimming and I had no other option than to fall to the ground in a daze. That is what usually happens to those who bang their heads into what feels like a brick wall.
I lay there in pain for a while before the allergic reaction began to throb in earnest. I had no other option than to get myself to a shower as quickly as possible before I died from eye and skin itch. This meant I had to crawl like a baby with hands in front of me to protect me from the walls as any other option only seemed to cause me to bang my head on something. I took a few steps before my hands knocked a bench and something came crashing down on my head. This something then scratched me in the hand and ran off with a screech.

Everything was becoming clearer to me. The more knocks to the head and infected cuts I got, the clearer it all became. Apparently the cats had taken offence over incidents which occurred a few hours earlier and were arranging their revenge.

Being alone in a house of cats had been like a smorgasbord of fun. I knew all sorts of little cat tricks. These were along the lines of taping their ears down so they thought they were under something and so jumped around backwards in fright, dragging their heads on the ground. That was my personal favourite earlier that night. Another was wrapping a piece of paper around their waist so they couldn’t balance and wandered around in what appeared to be a drunk swagger, although it was debatable whether that was from the beer we had fed them. Another was placing sticky tape on their paws so they walked around jerkily with very large and very high steps. All were highly amusing and great for getting some cheap laughs.

It seemed that in their revenge they had decided to give me an allergic reaction and had purposely placed brick walls and cupboards in such position so I could not stand and had no other option than to crawl along the ground like a snake. Obviously in order to degrade me and have me grovel before a cat leader I couldn’t see. Left with this option I slid. I slid on the ground, occasional catching cuts and bruises along the way until after a moment of reprieve I began to suspect they were no longer around and stood up. I got half way there before my head slammed into a door knob which knocked me straight back to the ground I had just left. Even though I could no longer see I knew the cat leader had swung the door at just the moment so it would catch me fair and square in the same position as all the other head knocks.

I slid around for a while in what seemed like sand and gravel trying to figure out just where I was, as I had gotten lost in all the confusion before I heard a cough.

“What the hell are you doing Mika you idiot. Get off the floor and stop sliding around in the cat litter.”
I looked to where the voice was coming from and hoped the cat leader didn’t strike me down again.
“Cat leader?” I said cautiously.
“Yes the cat litter, fool.” The voice then paused. “Holy crap Mika I think you should go to a doctor or something, why didn’t you come and get me earlier.”

The cat leader was no friend so it appeared that the voice was really Willy so I had let him approach without flinging my arms around to fend off the constantly attacking cats.

Thus the battle against the cat empire had begun.

Hannah and Ariane of course knew this and had spent the time I had been balancing the money on the bonnet wisely by finding a cat each to stroke and carry around like they owned them.

I glared at them both equally before fleeing to the safety of boys section of the hostel, traitors.

Publication Date: 11-24-2009

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